New girl with question

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[Throatdagger]

I stick my two cents in. Doing the math, it seems you have small kids at home. Maybe he is afraid that the kids will hear and think it is real or maybe think that mom and dad are freaks and ask questions or worse else talk to friends. He may be afraid that bruises would be too hard to explain.

Maybe if you could pawn the kids off on someone for a weekend getaway, then a motel room intruder might spark him. Just be sure to get a room away form others.

I guess you have never considered a role play with others.

Good luck.

[kilgore74]

Being honest, he may not feel comfortable with it being that real. If you force the issue it may have reverse effect and he will want to stop playing completely. I say quit while ahead or introduce a new partner who may help. Just my opion.

[Kidnapped-Girl]

Refuse to have sex with him until he rapes you. When he gets rough in the middle of the night, and it's not as violent as you want, make him stop. Don't "settle" for the wimpy rough-housing. If you want to be raped, it can't be/appear consensual. Giving in is consensual. So when he's not rough enough, make him stop. Push him away, tell him no, etc.

The only way he'll get sex is if he overpowers and forces you. Not just when he "kinda" gets rough. And when he forces you, you'll have what you want.

Obviously tell him beforehand that he'll have to rape you to get sex, and that that's what you want him to do. So that he doesn't think "no means no."

[Kidnapped-Girl]

Originally Posted by kilgore74

introduce a new partner who may help.

This should never be done under any circumstances, imo. Not in a committed relationship, anyway.

''

[RayPistonprowl]

Speaking from experience here ... I strongly recommend you just talk to him about this, girl4givn. I had the same fear of hurting my wife at first, and while I froze up and suffered guilt when I hurt her, I slowly learned her limits - and more importantly, learned to push my own! I say the latter because I've role-played with a lot of partners, and I was often intrigued that my 'victims' wanted more violence than I was first comfortable with. It takes something of a leap of faith to go against everything we've learned about controlling ourselves and letting our inner beasts loose, but sooner or later something clicks into place and we realise we're giving her something she loves.

Do tell your husband how difficult it has been to reveal this deep secret to him, and ask him to view it as an honour and an opportunity to strengthen your understanding of each other. But please do not try to coerce him into anything - that will only backfire and cause harm.

Welcome from another newb, btw. And I would not mind ripping Monica Bellucci in half with my pork sword. PHWOAR!

[DorianBlack]

Basically what he said (points up), with just a few additions.

You are not going to convince someone to find something sexy and hot. Trust me. I've tried every argument and tactic known to man or woman and had them tried on me in kind. For instance I had a partner who really like watersports. I mean REALLY liked them. Me, on the other hand, found it neither disgusting nor erotic outside the sexy wet naked girl sort of way. But since I didn't find it repulsive or anything, I peed on her because she really liked it and would then be more willing to do what I wanted. I really liked tying her up and caning and flogging and ... well, its not important to the story. What is important is she eventually left me for someone who did find it as erotic as her, but that was okay with me because I found some one who really liked me doing the stuff I liked.

Why do I bring this up? Because there is a very real possibility your husband really just does not like violent sex. He may feel as though that's all you want, and that puts him in a very unfair position. In order to have sex with his gorgeous wife, he has to do it in a way he either really doesn't like or finds actually repulsive. If its a question of him feeling undue pressure and anger at the situation, then sitting down to honestly talk about it will work. Explain to him that you love making love to him and crave his hard cock inside you. It's just that you'd also like him to rape the crap out of you every now and then because it just sounds to hot to you. Don't try and trick him and don't back him into a corner he'll want to simply leave.

On the other hand, if he really finds the whole thing repulsive you have three basic choices. You can leave him and try and find someone who likes raping you in addition to the other things you like that your current husband does. You can work out an open marriage policy where every now and then you step out and get your freak on with someone else. I know he gets jealous, but perhaps he'd be okay with a girl (or girls) wearing a strapon. Finally you can simply stop worrying about it and try and work out your fantasies in a different form.

So by all means please follow RayPistonprowl's advice but be prepared for having to make a choice about this.

[Lil-Mac]

I am of two minds on this. While I totally understand that you have wants in the bedroom that you feel arent being met, these are compensated for by the fact that you have a caring husband that loves you, respects you and from what I can tell wants to make you happy.

Perhabs with some practice/coaching on your part he can jack up the roughness level a notch or two while at the same time you can tone down your expectations a bit. Just a thought.

[Lorielle]

I think most of the people who already responded to you have made good and valid points on the information you provided us.

I absolutely agree that you should not try and force or trick him, or you may end up making things much worse. You could potentially get what you want, but at what cost? He may turn around one time and do exactly what you want, only to feel such extreme guilt later that he may have hurt you that he will either stop completely, or become even more hesitant.

The two most important things in a marriage are communication and respect. You will be doing neither if you turn to using sex as a weapon against your husband. Please try to put that into prospective.
After all, how would you feel if there was something HE wanted strongly, like you do, but instead of sitting down with you and actually being completely open, he starts trying to force you, and not in a sexy way, but more of a sneaky manipulation where you may begin to feel like your wants and needs aren't as important.
Essentially, that is what you would be doing to him. You would be taking his choice away, as if it wasn't valid or important to you.

You need to also tell him how you want to be able to react, if he does give this rough rape thing a try. Tell him that you want to be able to say no, even forcefully, because it adds to the fantasy, without him really stopping. ( actually sticking to a safeword would be the best, but regardless if you want to say no, and not mean it then he must understand that. )

I really do wish you the best of luck with this situation. I hope it works out for the best.

[eapenetret]

Well put, lorielle.

I have an additional thought/suggestion. Have you tried to get him to reveal his hidden fantasies or sexual desires? If you were able to help him experience/explore such things, then you might awaken new aspects of his personality. He might not be willing or able to admit them straight up, instead I suggest a little teasing and prodding to see what his hidden desires are.

This is essentially what I did with my wife many years ago. It started as just teasing and joking around during foreplay, but to my complete surprise, it brought out a bunch of exciting things in her head that after 10 years of a committed relationship I had no idea was in there. But it did lead to the subsequent 15 years being a lot more fun.

[Franky M]

Originally Posted by Throatdagger

I stick my two cents in. Doing the math, it seems you have small kids at home. Maybe he is afraid that the kids will hear and think it is real or maybe think that mom and dad are freaks and ask questions or worse else talk to friends. He may be afraid that bruises would be too hard to explain.

That is a very good point to consider before you think about pushing thinngs over the line. Within a relationship it is important to find out what sexual desires and fantasiies the partner has. To satisfy the desires of the partner is as important as to satisfy the own ones. To seek for other roleplay partners should be the very last option. Especially for such dangerous games like rape. You need partners you can trust with your life on this matter.

[IMRAZOR]

Well, I'm someone who believes marriage is a sham and most people have a narrow minded view of "relationships" - you have to unlearn possessiveness, accept that you can only dominate and possess someone for the time it takes to fuck them (and associated activities).
So I say, if he's not up to the job - get a "secret" fuck buddy who'll play your little game. What a pity you don't live in London - I'd do you like that anytime

[Blacvulture]

Originally Posted by IMRAZOR

So I say, if he's not up to the job - get a "secret" fuck buddy who'll play your little game.

Bingo. Luckily for me, my husband does not mind that I do this.

[Ingenue]

I'm with Ray, Dorian and Lorielle above, and particularly want to second this point:

Originally Posted by eapenetret

Have you tried to get him to reveal his hidden fantasies or sexual desires?

You want him to fulfil your fantasies, then taking your turn fulfilling his is a good place to start.

[NastyJack]

Originally Posted by IMRAZOR

Well, I'm someone who believes marriage is a sham and most people have a narrow minded view of "relationships" - you have to unlearn possessiveness, accept that you can only dominate and possess someone for the time it takes to fuck them (and associated activities).
So I say, if he's not up to the job - get a "secret" fuck buddy who'll play your little game. What a pity you don't live in London - I'd do you like that anytime

Not everyone shares your view. This is a couple that has been together for many years, and most importantly, they have children together. While finding a new partner may be great for the wife, if it causes the breakup of her marriage, she and her husband are not the only ones affected.

I have seen normally healthy, happy kids fall completely apart when their parents break up. The kids depend on their parents to provide them a safe place, where they can feel emotionally secure, gaining the confidence to face the world. If they can't count on Mom and Dad, they can't count on anyone.

While sex is fun, there are many things more important when considering a long-term relationship.

[RayPistonprowl]

Originally Posted by NastyJack

Not everyone shares your view. This is a couple that has been together for many years, and most importantly, they have children together. While finding a new partner may be great for the wife, if it causes the breakup of her marriage, she and her husband are not the only ones affected.

I have seen normally healthy, happy kids fall completely apart when their parents break up. The kids depend on their parents to provide them a safe place, where they can feel emotionally secure, gaining the confidence to face the world. If they can't count on Mom and Dad, they can't count on anyone.

While sex is fun, there are many things more important when considering a long-term relationship.

Wise, wise words.