Safe, Sane and Consensual Non-Consensual Play

[Brutalessons]

First off a note to the mods, If this seems to be the wrong place for this please feel free to move it where ever.

To the participants, I am going to endeavor to bring in links that deal with the topic of seting up and participating in Real life meetings for "Rape-Roleplay", F.S.R.P. (Forced Sex Roleplay), Ravishements (As they are currently depicted in the BDSM circles).

This is an attempt to look at the plethora of information out there, sift through the bulk and toss out the chaff.
Personal stories and procedures greatly apreciated and warnings of dangerous practices should be pointed out as spotted.

Some of these measures I have used succesfully in the past, and guys, these precautions are not just a prelude to getting into some hotties pants but critical for your own protection, both legal and physical.

[Tanya]

heh and something else ive learnt is anyone can write they are in to safe sane and consensual, doesnt mean they mean it

[Brutalessons]

Another link that looks into many of these issues.
http://www.caitsbasement.com/LinxPlus/LinxPlus.html

The link below is the basis of this post.
http://www.leathernroses.com/general...tchecklist.htm

I am not cutting and pasting this checklist as it is copyprotected, but read through the list...

This list, I first came across when I was just transfering My interest from the BDSM realm into this fantasy genre.

As a quick down and dirty list it works well and gives everyone an idea of the directions that the participants should be thinking as they set this up the first time. The list is meant to be shared between the participants and discussed to remove any chance of misunderstanding.

Now, note, that this is coming from the regimented realm of the Mainstream Lifestylers world, so their is heavy stress on pre meetings, face to face exchanges, build ups and negotiations that are sometimes just not feasible in the pursuit of say a "surprise" party.

That said I do not recomend ignoring the list in entirety. In some circumstances a third party negotiator can be used as sort of a gathering point for information to provide the prerequisite desired anonimity.

In Most cases I do advocate a public meeting at some place like a starbucks (NYC it is easy to find one close to any locale). May I mention that I have also succesfully met the third party "moderator" at such a meeting instead of the victim. In this case, Rapers take note, Insist on a telephone contact with the victim and establish that she is indeed the willing target of your affections. DO NOT PROCEED without her Verbal acknowledgement.
The whole point of this meeting is the confirmation of the personal information shared. Be wwilling to exchange ids, phone numbers etc.

Think that is to much personal information to share?
I actually like to include a question about known medical conditions, current prescription drugs/conditions as well.
By the way, save the information somewhere easily accessible. For hard copies I place the information in an envelope with the meeting place and time prominantly and conspicuously on the coffee table of My home. When I return I can file it away as needed but if anything goes wrong it will be easily found. Virtual computer records should have a place of prominence similarly labeled right on the desktop.

Does this sound like I am taking the same precautions as I am advocating for 'Victims"? Bet your ass I am. You are at as much if not more risk being the agressor in this kind of play and ANY misunderstanding may need to be defendable in court. If you are not willing to face the reality of that risk I would recommend keeping your play virtual.

OK, Next topic is Safe Calls, third party Moderation, and the Surprise Party.

[Brutalessons]

Originally Posted by Tanya

heh and something else ive learnt is anyone can write they are in to safe sane and consensual, doesnt mean they mean it

A truly good point Tanya. I hve seen many references to your experiences in the past, was there anything, prior to the actual meeting, that you feel could have prevented the problem?

Were their any warning signs that you , in hindsight, feel would have given you a clue as to how far wrong the "Play" could go?

I mean this thread to be a posting, based on experiences of what can work...
and what does not. Your input would be invaluable as a cautionary counterbalance to my enthusiasm.

[Brutalessons]

A Safe call is exactly what it sounds like. a prescheduled call during the alloted playtime to call out to tell someone trusted that things are ok, that they suck or that they should call 911.

Your choice of callees should be trustworthy enough to follow through on any level of need and be willing to do so, even if it means contacting authorities and convincing them of the potential dangers.

Safe calls should be considered for all parties involved.

Failure to meet a scheduled Safe call should be followed b a rescheduled and contingency call as you want to ensure a quick response in an actual emergency but do not want to bring down the world because of a troublesome Knot or coincedential delay.

Callees should have a full set of the exchanged info, (I have actually had a follow up meeting where caller and callee exchanged places after the original play) and even if not a blow by blow descriptionof what you are up to then a signed and sealed copy of the consensuality agreement in the envelope.

Third party Moderation is where a trusted individual is set as the middleman, pre screening the "attacker" typically, and is used where a sense of anonimity is desired for the succesful culmination of the role. Seems simple, but typically this is where moset negotiations faulter as it requires you, the victim, to open up to someone you know and trust with enough personal information and insight into your Psyche that it can actually be more difficult than finding a Safe Sane rapist to play with.

I have had this be a husband or boyfriend typically and in one twisted encounter it was the victims mother, but that was who the victim trusted to make value decisions so dont knock it.

Somewhat easier in the BDSM lifestyle to open yourself up like this but no guarentee your best friend will not immediatly try to have you committed.

I Know I am just scratching the surface here, trying to get out talking points and all but can and will revert to a more conversational tone soon.

Now we come to the "Realistic" afficiando. This is one whos total experience she feels will be destroyed by the back and forth precautionary negotiation process. As others can attest, real Rapists are Predators and are quite willing to lull a victim into a false sense of security, yes even lieing to assure the victim of their honorable intent.

This is probably the most dangerous encounter to set up and their cannot be enough "Safeties" put into place.

[tnc4fun]

In our case, my wife will be the "victim" and I will be there to assist . I'm 6'4" and can handle myself (let's just say it's been put to the test). But, I'll still set up a safety call and screen the guy(s).

Interesting topic..it should percolate as time goes on.