'Rainbow Party' - A different ending to this infamous book

[LucyBoots]

Hey all, I took my first stab at erotic fiction recently and I would love for all of you to give me contructive criticism.

'Rainbow Party' - What if I wrote the ending to this infamous book?

Sorry for linking outside the board for the story but it is a pretty involved post and wouldn't work well here.

Please tell me what you think (if it sucks TELL ME IT SUCKS! I'm a big girl...)

Since it's on this board, I'm sure you can imagine what it involves....

"Hunter opened a wine cooler for Sandy and commented on how hot everyone looked. "Tonight is going to be legendary, people are going to talk about this when they are signing our yearbooks!". Gin energetically agreed and they all took a swig of their fruity drinks. Sandy was swallowing her doubts again.

The front door swung open and two more smiling faces came in. It was Ash and Rose, the hottest couple in the sophomore class. Sandy was the first to greet Rose whose sun-kissed skin looked great in her expensive Burberry plaid skirt."