Can someone tell me why? :) - Rape Board

BamaGurl · 01-25-2010, 08:02 AM

I don't understand what's going on in my head...why do I have these fantasies? I mean seriously? What kind of girl wants to be forced into giving up her own body? It's something I've tried to hide from myself from around the age 13, it sounds so horrible and disgusting to admit that when I have fantasies....it's about being raped. I'm not self distructive, i'm actually pretty happy and outgoing! I'm not ugly (I'm actually pretty damn sexy hehe) so rape isnt the only way I can get sex..... Am I crazy? Sorry to put a damper on things, guess i'm just trying to figure myself out..... *Muah*

Throatdagger · 01-25-2010, 03:33 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with you having fantasies. The unusual thing is that you are honest enough to admit it.

Relax and enjoy some cyber role plays. The new age of safe sex.

I assume you are from Alabama. You southern girls are really sexy; I may have to take you into the dense woods for a experience you won't forget.

XxThicky_Thick_ChicxX · 01-25-2010, 03:49 PM

I have the same things going that you do chick. Its been since I was about 13 as well. And I have no issues getting laid either. Since I have found this is pretty common I don't really freak out about it anymore. However I am a psych Major and think mine is tied in with my co-dependency problems and my daddy complex =)

BamaGurl · 01-25-2010, 04:03 PM

Thanks yall!
Yes I am from Alabama, and arent we just adorable!! lol! (those of us who arent on drugs anyway)
Hmmm the woods....never thought about the woods, although not my idea spot im guessing it would definitely be an experience I wouldnt forget

thank you ChicxX, I am soooo glad im not the only girl with these thoughts....im still trying to figure it all out....would I actually enjoy it? If it ever happened im betting I would drop my whole rape fantasy and run like hell! Oh well, only in my fantasies! *muah*

IntimateViolator · 01-25-2010, 04:35 PM

Being attracted to rape fantasy is not about "getting sex" any more than real rape is about getting sex.

Rape is a framework in which the victim has control taken away. In BDSM the submissive/bottom voluntarily surrenders control. Rape fantasy is about having the control taken away through force/coercion.

Having rape fantasies doesn't mean that you want to face the real violence of real rape. It does mean that you are able to have a healthy fantasy life and enjoy the hell out of a good story or roleplay.

Is rape fantasy any more bad than fantasizing sex with a movie/music star? There are plenty of vanilla fantasy practitioners who imagine they are able to get into sex with someone they only know from a TV/movie screen. Why should that be considered any more "healthy" than rape fantasy? These things aren't about reality. It's about enjoying the fun games we humans can have playing with our biggest erogenous zone, the imagination.

prey4me · 01-26-2010, 11:20 AM

BamaGirl, I have had rape fantasies intertwined since my sexual coming-of-age---which was probably before your parents were born! I've long since given up trying to figure out why and all that. Now I just figure: "I yam what I yam," to quote a noted nautical philsopher.

BamaGurl · 01-26-2010, 12:16 PM

"I yam what I yam," to quote a noted nautical philsopher....
I know this one!!! It was Popeye!!!!

prey4me · 01-26-2010, 01:13 PM

I admire him for keeping things simple.

NastyJack · 01-26-2010, 09:30 PM

BamaGurl, don't worry, you're not alone. There are a lot of healthy, sane people who have these thoughts. Nothing wrong with finding a willing partner to help you fulfill your fantasies. The watchwords are "safe, sane, and consensual".

One motivation behind the rape fantasy is the double standard that women face in our society. Women are told to make themselves attractive as possible, but at the same time have it emphasized over and over that "good girls say no". A normal adult woman with a normal sex drive feels she has to be "good" and say no ... the rape fantasy is a way of reconciling this conflict. In her fantasy, she is doing what's right, saying no, but still getting sexual satisfaction. (It's not her fault if this bigger stronger man forces her to do all those things.)

Remember, there are also submissive men who enjoy being punished. Some people feel guilt over their sexual urges, and feel that "punishment" (physical or emotional) relieves their guilt.

Another poster here made the comparison to a roller coaster. You're being thrown around, helpless, not in control ... but that last little corner of your mind knows you'll come out OK in the end. Acting out a rape fantasy with a trusted partner is like that ... you don't have to worry about anything, someone else is making the decisions, you're free from responsibility, and you don't have think about what to do ... just experience the ride for all it's worth.

Shade · 01-27-2010, 12:18 PM

To much deep thought going into this. Some people prefer same sex, some like alternative life styles (D&s), some (like me) just like kinky sex. Animal lovers, scat lovers, the list goes on.

It wasn't that long ago that homosexuality was considered a 'curable disease', and a person could lose there job and worse. Now we're accepting same sex marriage (or should be). There's nothing wrong with any of it, as long as it involves consenting adults. One day (hopefully), BDSM and rape fantasies will be just as acceptable, then we can all enjoy ourselves without worry.

I don't buy any of the guilt reasons, or non-sexual need to dominate, etc. Some people just enjoy alternatives. We could discuss the dozens of reasons, but as long as you're not self destructive (directly or indirectly), why worry about the reason? As long as you're following SSC, have the safety words, and trust your partner, just enjoy yourself.

And until you've had an orgasm from deep in subspace, you've never tasted the best.

BTW, it was suggested using role play to try it out. While I enjoy role play myself, it is extremely far from having a partner, and enjoying one does not mean you'll enjoy both. In RP, things always go smoothly (e.g., no slipped knots) and much (like the feel of your partners lips and skin, or details of your partner's appearance) is left up to your imagination. It may help getting comfortable with your fantasies, but that's about it.

Last note. All these late bloomers. 13? I masturbated to my first bondage fantasy at 4, even though I had no idea what was going on. Maybe it's hard wired in some of us?

RapeKarenX · 02-02-2010, 06:06 PM

Ladies, you're not alone. Look at the other women on RB. It's healthy- having fantasies make you a more creative sexual partner.

prey4me · 02-02-2010, 08:44 PM

I'm sometimes asked what my "sexual orientation" is. I reply that I think of myself in terms of being sexually dis-oriented.

ControlJunkie · 02-04-2010, 01:32 AM

Violator pretty much summed it up.

Psychologically, women have rape fantasies for many different reasons, as all people are different. According to research, the most common reasoning is because the woman can let go and allow herself to experience all the sexual desires she has on a relatively safe mental level. If she is being "forced" to experience these things, then it is easier for her to mentally accept the desires due to the fact that she is not in control at all.

RapeKarenX · 02-09-2010, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ControlJunkie

Violator pretty much summed it up.

Psychologically, women have rape fantasies for many different reasons, as all people are different. According to research, the most common reasoning is because the woman can let go and allow herself to experience all the sexual desires she has on a relatively safe mental level. If she is being "forced" to experience these things, then it is easier for her to mentally accept the desires due to the fact that she is not in control at all.

Are we in Kansas anymore? Ask a woman!

ControlJunkie · 02-10-2010, 01:50 AM

I'm pretty sure the research was done with women.

Would sorta lose its validation if not.

RapeKarenX · 02-10-2010, 02:56 AM

o

exoduslives · 02-12-2010, 12:03 AM

It's not just you. I have these fantasies as well, and ultimately I consider them to be natural and healthy.

cinahuhy · 02-19-2010, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RapeKarenX

As far as I'm aware- there's been no empiracal research done that has been made public. If so- it would be more "socially acceptable" to even discuss this fantasy. This research are mere polls of a population not necessarily representative of those who actively seek to further their understanding.

I agree, but want to point out that it is actually "socially acceptable" to some degree as long as it's presented in a "safe and normal" manner.......

Show of hands for how many of us have read a "trashy romance"?
As far back as even Gone With The Wind.
The names change, but the story's the same:
Boy meets girl, they don't hit it off, usually one actually dislikes the other.
At some point in the story, usually many points, she's busy saying no no no amidst much bodice ripping, heaving breasts, and throbbing man-hoods until they both fall into a very satisfied stupor swearing it can never happen again.
Which of course it does, until they finally marry and live happily ever after.

My own mother tells me girls were just supposed to "do their duty" and not actually enjoy sex. While that attitude has changed, I agree that it is still instilled to some degree in most females of most countries.

Here I'll stop for now, as I will just digress into political tirades which shouldn't ever be mixed with good healthy sex.

prey4me · 02-20-2010, 05:30 PM

UnfetteredSoul, that's also the template for the great RKO musicals. Now, add class, dancing, and great music, and you get the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie musicals!

For all you lunkheads out there who are ignorant of this bit of great Americana, download or rent "The Gay Divorcee" or "Shall We Dance!"

cinahuhy · 02-21-2010, 02:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by prey4me

UnfetteredSoul, that's also the template for the great RKO musicals. Now, add class, dancing, and great music, and you get the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie musicals!

For all you lunkheads out there who are ignorant of this bit of great Americana, download or rent "The Gay Divorcee" or "Shall We Dance!"

And more than one old western isn't it? Ha!

01-25-2010, 08:02 AM	#1
BamaGurl Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In the dirty south baby! Posts: 47 Reputation: 2095	Can someone tell me why? :) I don't understand what's going on in my head...why do I have these fantasies? I mean seriously? What kind of girl wants to be forced into giving up her own body? It's something I've tried to hide from myself from around the age 13, it sounds so horrible and disgusting to admit that when I have fantasies....it's about being raped. I'm not self distructive, i'm actually pretty happy and outgoing! I'm not ugly (I'm actually pretty damn sexy hehe) so rape isnt the only way I can get sex..... Am I crazy? Sorry to put a damper on things, guess i'm just trying to figure myself out..... Muah

01-25-2010, 03:49 PM	#3
XxThicky_Thick_ChicxX Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 96 Reputation: 3109	I have the same things going that you do chick. Its been since I was about 13 as well. And I have no issues getting laid either. Since I have found this is pretty common I don't really freak out about it anymore. However I am a psych Major and think mine is tied in with my co-dependency problems and my daddy complex =) __________________ Guilty Of Lust And Sin

01-27-2010, 12:18 PM	#10
Shade Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 40 Reputation: 533	To much deep thought going into this. Some people prefer same sex, some like alternative life styles (D&s), some (like me) just like kinky sex. Animal lovers, scat lovers, the list goes on. It wasn't that long ago that homosexuality was considered a 'curable disease', and a person could lose there job and worse. Now we're accepting same sex marriage (or should be). There's nothing wrong with any of it, as long as it involves consenting adults. One day (hopefully), BDSM and rape fantasies will be just as acceptable, then we can all enjoy ourselves without worry. I don't buy any of the guilt reasons, or non-sexual need to dominate, etc. Some people just enjoy alternatives. We could discuss the dozens of reasons, but as long as you're not self destructive (directly or indirectly), why worry about the reason? As long as you're following SSC, have the safety words, and trust your partner, just enjoy yourself. And until you've had an orgasm from deep in subspace, you've never tasted the best. BTW, it was suggested using role play to try it out. While I enjoy role play myself, it is extremely far from having a partner, and enjoying one does not mean you'll enjoy both. In RP, things always go smoothly (e.g., no slipped knots) and much (like the feel of your partners lips and skin, or details of your partner's appearance) is left up to your imagination. It may help getting comfortable with your fantasies, but that's about it. Last note. All these late bloomers. 13? I masturbated to my first bondage fantasy at 4, even though I had no idea what was going on. Maybe it's hard wired in some of us? Last edited by Shade; 01-27-2010 at 12:21 PM.

02-02-2010, 06:06 PM	#11
RapeKarenX Chinky Kinky Empress Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: hiding... Posts: 678 Reputation: 31552	Ladies, you're not alone. Look at the other women on RB. It's healthy- having fantasies make you a more creative sexual partner. __________________ Purr...

02-10-2010, 02:56 AM	#16
RapeKarenX Chinky Kinky Empress Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: hiding... Posts: 678 Reputation: 31552	o __________________ Purr... Last edited by RapeKarenX; 03-09-2010 at 01:51 PM.

01-25-2010, 03:33 PM	#2
Throatdagger Certified Boob Inspector Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,069 Reputation: 9789	I don't think there is anything wrong with you having fantasies. The unusual thing is that you are honest enough to admit it. Relax and enjoy some cyber role plays. The new age of safe sex. I assume you are from Alabama. You southern girls are really sexy; I may have to take you into the dense woods for a experience you won't forget.

01-25-2010, 04:03 PM	#4
BamaGurl Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In the dirty south baby! Posts: 47 Reputation: 2095	Thanks yall! Yes I am from Alabama, and arent we just adorable!! lol! (those of us who arent on drugs anyway) Hmmm the woods....never thought about the woods, although not my idea spot im guessing it would definitely be an experience I wouldnt forget thank you ChicxX, I am soooo glad im not the only girl with these thoughts....im still trying to figure it all out....would I actually enjoy it? If it ever happened im betting I would drop my whole rape fantasy and run like hell! Oh well, only in my fantasies! muah

01-25-2010, 04:35 PM	#5
IntimateViolator Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Southern US Posts: 85 Reputation: 1824	Being attracted to rape fantasy is not about "getting sex" any more than real rape is about getting sex. Rape is a framework in which the victim has control taken away. In BDSM the submissive/bottom voluntarily surrenders control. Rape fantasy is about having the control taken away through force/coercion. Having rape fantasies doesn't mean that you want to face the real violence of real rape. It does mean that you are able to have a healthy fantasy life and enjoy the hell out of a good story or roleplay. Is rape fantasy any more bad than fantasizing sex with a movie/music star? There are plenty of vanilla fantasy practitioners who imagine they are able to get into sex with someone they only know from a TV/movie screen. Why should that be considered any more "healthy" than rape fantasy? These things aren't about reality. It's about enjoying the fun games we humans can have playing with our biggest erogenous zone, the imagination.

01-26-2010, 11:20 AM	#6
prey4me Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 482 Reputation: 5552	BamaGirl, I have had rape fantasies intertwined since my sexual coming-of-age---which was probably before your parents were born! I've long since given up trying to figure out why and all that. Now I just figure: "I yam what I yam," to quote a noted nautical philsopher.

01-26-2010, 12:16 PM	#7
BamaGurl Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In the dirty south baby! Posts: 47 Reputation: 2095	"I yam what I yam," to quote a noted nautical philsopher.... I know this one!!! It was Popeye!!!!

01-26-2010, 01:13 PM	#8
prey4me Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 482 Reputation: 5552	I admire him for keeping things simple.

01-26-2010, 09:30 PM	#9
NastyJack Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Kokomo, IN Posts: 113 Reputation: 1779	BamaGurl, don't worry, you're not alone. There are a lot of healthy, sane people who have these thoughts. Nothing wrong with finding a willing partner to help you fulfill your fantasies. The watchwords are "safe, sane, and consensual". One motivation behind the rape fantasy is the double standard that women face in our society. Women are told to make themselves attractive as possible, but at the same time have it emphasized over and over that "good girls say no". A normal adult woman with a normal sex drive feels she has to be "good" and say no ... the rape fantasy is a way of reconciling this conflict. In her fantasy, she is doing what's right, saying no, but still getting sexual satisfaction. (It's not her fault if this bigger stronger man forces her to do all those things.) Remember, there are also submissive men who enjoy being punished. Some people feel guilt over their sexual urges, and feel that "punishment" (physical or emotional) relieves their guilt. Another poster here made the comparison to a roller coaster. You're being thrown around, helpless, not in control ... but that last little corner of your mind knows you'll come out OK in the end. Acting out a rape fantasy with a trusted partner is like that ... you don't have to worry about anything, someone else is making the decisions, you're free from responsibility, and you don't have think about what to do ... just experience the ride for all it's worth.

02-02-2010, 08:44 PM	#12
prey4me Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 482 Reputation: 5552	I'm sometimes asked what my "sexual orientation" is. I reply that I think of myself in terms of being sexually dis-oriented.

02-04-2010, 01:32 AM	#13
ControlJunkie Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Kansas City Posts: 5 Reputation: 10	Violator pretty much summed it up. Psychologically, women have rape fantasies for many different reasons, as all people are different. According to research, the most common reasoning is because the woman can let go and allow herself to experience all the sexual desires she has on a relatively safe mental level. If she is being "forced" to experience these things, then it is easier for her to mentally accept the desires due to the fact that she is not in control at all.

02-10-2010, 01:50 AM	#15
ControlJunkie Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Kansas City Posts: 5 Reputation: 10	I'm pretty sure the research was done with women. Would sorta lose its validation if not.

02-12-2010, 12:03 AM	#17
exoduslives Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 1 Reputation: 10	It's not just you. I have these fantasies as well, and ultimately I consider them to be natural and healthy.

02-20-2010, 05:30 PM	#19
prey4me Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 482 Reputation: 5552	UnfetteredSoul, that's also the template for the great RKO musicals. Now, add class, dancing, and great music, and you get the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie musicals! For all you lunkheads out there who are ignorant of this bit of great Americana, download or rent "The Gay Divorcee" or "Shall We Dance!"