So I'm dating a guy with a rape fetish... - Rape Board

anaxandra · 01-14-2010, 10:28 PM

I just started dating this guy and we haven't had sex yet, but I think we will soon. He is very dominant and has a rape fetish. I was a little scared when he first told me this but I'm opening to the idea. I just get nervous about the idea of not being in control. I know that's what the fetish is all about. In past relationships I have typically been the dominant one, so this is weird for me. I'm hoping maybe some of the girls here can tell me what to expect, how to handle it, etc. Obviously everyone is different but I'm just hoping to gain some insight on this. Is this kind of fetish a sign of anything else, mentally or emotionally, that I should be aware of? Thanks in advance!

mco · 01-15-2010, 05:43 AM

Well, basically, if you cry you make him happy.

But on a more serious note, as long as he's not overstepping your boundaries all is good.

Sternenlied · 01-15-2010, 02:52 PM

Well, first of all:

Being the "victim" in a rape fantasy is not about NOT being in control, it is about BEING in control.
Of course you - in some way - surrender control to your partner but only on a level of your convenience. The submissive is always the one in control. That's the first rule of rapeplay.

FuckingRotter · 01-16-2010, 11:08 AM

Nonsense! Each coupling makes its own rules or arrangements, there is no first rule or set of rules.

ctomie · 01-16-2010, 04:06 PM

I think Stern is just pointing out the very meaning of rape roleplaying. The victim will surrender control to the rapist, but in a way that she is comfortable with. By the same token, the victim must ensure that she fights back to a degree that doesn't go beyond what the rapist wants. That is the "first rule" (i.e. that there are boundaries), then, based on that, the couple creates a set of rules in the roleplay.

"First rules" are like axioms - a list of starting points. Without them, no subsequent rules can possibly be derived.

Cuff · 01-16-2010, 10:29 PM

As the victim, you surrender control - in a relationship, you don't. Remember that it isn't really rape. You are the one in control, by being the one who sets the rules beforehand. As for your other question, no, having a rape fetish is not a sign of any kind of mental or emotional problems. The majority of people play with handcuffs once in a while, correct? The concept is no different here, only more in depth roleplaying. Power play during sex can be an extreme turn on.

Tell him sometime what you will and won't do. Dont say this right before you do it, it really ruins the mindset. haha

Have a safe word, or gesture. Because screaming "No!!" during rape-play is completely pointless. (learned the hard way! lol). For myself, I just tell him 'I'm serious!' when I say stop. He doesn't want to REALLY hurt me, just like your boyfriend doesn't REALLY want to hurt you. He will feel better having a word he can distinguish from the rest. If you have a gag in your mouth or something, you can decide on a gesture. I make a fist and then a five.

Make sure you TRUST him enough to obey the safe word. When you are tied to a bed or otherwise vulnerable and helpless, you have to completely trust the person whom you are with.

Maybe ask him how he wants to rape you, talk sexy for a while. This will let you know what you're in for later on and you won't freak out.

Struggle. Thats the point of "raping" your girlfriend, afterall. Act like you really want to get away. Bite him, cuss him. Plead with him or cry. My finace doesn't like it when I cry, he would rather me be angry. He likes to make me "betray" myself and force me to orgasm. Crying makes him feel bad. Find out what turns him on.

Watch some rape play porn, and look through all the terrible actors. Learn from her mistakes.

There is a thread here about a rape survey. Read through a few of them, get familiar with the basics of rape fantasies and even find out why its appealing to many women.

XxThicky_Thick_ChicxX · 01-25-2010, 04:01 PM

First I must say, all rape fantasy's are different for everyone. I don't enjoy the thought of struggling nor crying. I like the thought of being controlled and thrown around. Physically made to do things, not told. However I never struggle. I just accept it. It's very much a mental thing for me. As I am sure it is with others. I think the best thing you can do is ask him what he wants and learn by doing. Anything anyone really tells you on here could be all wrong. Well except for the safe word. You always no matter what have a safe word. I forgot to have one at one point and ended up giving the guy a bloody nose.

And one more thing on another note. Kudos for even thinking about trying this for him. I recently got with a guy I quite enjoy and we have tons in common.... including we both like to be the victim lol. So now 9 times out of 10 I am the rapest.... Difficult at first but not so bad after I got the hang of it. So hang in there!

01-14-2010, 10:28 PM	#1
anaxandra Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 1 Reputation: 10	So I'm dating a guy with a rape fetish... I just started dating this guy and we haven't had sex yet, but I think we will soon. He is very dominant and has a rape fetish. I was a little scared when he first told me this but I'm opening to the idea. I just get nervous about the idea of not being in control. I know that's what the fetish is all about. In past relationships I have typically been the dominant one, so this is weird for me. I'm hoping maybe some of the girls here can tell me what to expect, how to handle it, etc. Obviously everyone is different but I'm just hoping to gain some insight on this. Is this kind of fetish a sign of anything else, mentally or emotionally, that I should be aware of? Thanks in advance!

01-15-2010, 02:52 PM	#3
Sternenlied Unknown Entity Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Niflheim Posts: 2,427 Reputation: 77819	Well, first of all: Being the "victim" in a rape fantasy is not about NOT being in control, it is about BEING in control. Of course you - in some way - surrender control to your partner but only on a level of your convenience. The submissive is always the one in control. That's the first rule of rapeplay. __________________ The Life and Death of Sam Crow - How the Sons of Anarchy lost their way

01-16-2010, 11:08 AM	#4
FuckingRotter The Fist of Fury. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Entering the.... Posts: 9,649 Reputation: 118903	Nonsense! Each coupling makes its own rules or arrangements, there is no first rule or set of rules. __________________ Fist is a four letter word. So is fist, fist, fist, fist, fist, fist fist, fist, fist, fist, fist, and, well you get the fist-fucking picture.... THE WESTCOUNTRY SHALL RISE AGAIN! Yay! It's pink! Don't think.... FEEL! We're Englishmen, and we came here, to rape your women and drink your beer. I went back in time and voted for Hitler. Pouring oil on troubled waters since 2008. Then lighting a fucking match.

01-16-2010, 04:06 PM	#5
ctomie Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Asia Posts: 568 Reputation: 8860	I think Stern is just pointing out the very meaning of rape roleplaying. The victim will surrender control to the rapist, but in a way that she is comfortable with. By the same token, the victim must ensure that she fights back to a degree that doesn't go beyond what the rapist wants. That is the "first rule" (i.e. that there are boundaries), then, based on that, the couple creates a set of rules in the roleplay. "First rules" are like axioms - a list of starting points. Without them, no subsequent rules can possibly be derived. Last edited by ctomie; 01-16-2010 at 10:16 PM.

01-16-2010, 10:29 PM	#6
Cuff Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 25 Reputation: 310	As the victim, you surrender control - in a relationship, you don't. Remember that it isn't really rape. You are the one in control, by being the one who sets the rules beforehand. As for your other question, no, having a rape fetish is not a sign of any kind of mental or emotional problems. The majority of people play with handcuffs once in a while, correct? The concept is no different here, only more in depth roleplaying. Power play during sex can be an extreme turn on. Tell him sometime what you will and won't do. Dont say this right before you do it, it really ruins the mindset. haha Have a safe word, or gesture. Because screaming "No!!" during rape-play is completely pointless. (learned the hard way! lol). For myself, I just tell him 'I'm serious!' when I say stop. He doesn't want to REALLY hurt me, just like your boyfriend doesn't REALLY want to hurt you. He will feel better having a word he can distinguish from the rest. If you have a gag in your mouth or something, you can decide on a gesture. I make a fist and then a five. Make sure you TRUST him enough to obey the safe word. When you are tied to a bed or otherwise vulnerable and helpless, you have to completely trust the person whom you are with. Maybe ask him how he wants to rape you, talk sexy for a while. This will let you know what you're in for later on and you won't freak out. Struggle. Thats the point of "raping" your girlfriend, afterall. Act like you really want to get away. Bite him, cuss him. Plead with him or cry. My finace doesn't like it when I cry, he would rather me be angry. He likes to make me "betray" myself and force me to orgasm. Crying makes him feel bad. Find out what turns him on. Watch some rape play porn, and look through all the terrible actors. Learn from her mistakes. There is a thread here about a rape survey. Read through a few of them, get familiar with the basics of rape fantasies and even find out why its appealing to many women. Last edited by Cuff; 01-16-2010 at 10:33 PM.

01-15-2010, 05:43 AM	#2
mco Privileged Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 222 Reputation: 2887	Well, basically, if you cry you make him happy. But on a more serious note, as long as he's not overstepping your boundaries all is good.

01-25-2010, 04:01 PM	#7
XxThicky_Thick_ChicxX Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 96 Reputation: 3109	First I must say, all rape fantasy's are different for everyone. I don't enjoy the thought of struggling nor crying. I like the thought of being controlled and thrown around. Physically made to do things, not told. However I never struggle. I just accept it. It's very much a mental thing for me. As I am sure it is with others. I think the best thing you can do is ask him what he wants and learn by doing. Anything anyone really tells you on here could be all wrong. Well except for the safe word. You always no matter what have a safe word. I forgot to have one at one point and ended up giving the guy a bloody nose. And one more thing on another note. Kudos for even thinking about trying this for him. I recently got with a guy I quite enjoy and we have tons in common.... including we both like to be the victim lol. So now 9 times out of 10 I am the rapest.... Difficult at first but not so bad after I got the hang of it. So hang in there! __________________ Guilty Of Lust And Sin