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Old 01-15-2007, 11:42 AM   #21
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I'm glad I could help you post that for the first time Jas, a brave contribution to the thread. Thank you.
Thank you Rogue. *hugs*
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Old 01-15-2007, 11:59 AM   #22
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Some parents just find it easier to blame their kids, then to blame themselves. But the kid is never to blame.
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Old 01-15-2007, 01:04 PM   #23
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Thumbs up Very Brave!!

Thank you JAS!! And sorry Honey! {hugs + kisses}

Was very Brave of you to tell your story like you did! Really so proud of you Girl and love you for sharing with us!

I know it is very rough to say anything about what happens. But since you did hopefully it might help you and others that have suffered in silence!
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Old 01-15-2007, 01:19 PM   #24
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When I was a kid I used to go over to my friends house and his older brother would come down when we where playing and get us to play a "game" where we took off our cloths...

Then he used to tell us that it was really important to have a clean butt, and if we didn't we might die... we got really scared, so when he told us he could "test it" we stupidly believed him.

I think you can guess what he did...

It was sick, disgusting and showed how stupid myself and my friend where, we where only seven though, but still...

It's hard to put it down to someone else's fault when you didn't even resist because you thought you where doing the right thing...
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Old 01-15-2007, 01:52 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Number7
When I was a kid I used to go over to my friends house and his older brother would come down when we where playing and get us to play a "game" where we took off our cloths...

Then he used to tell us that it was really important to have a clean butt, and if we didn't we might die... we got really scared, so when he told us he could "test it" we stupidly believed him.

I think you can guess what he did...

It was sick, disgusting and showed how stupid myself and my friend where, we where only seven though, but still...

It's hard to put it down to someone else's fault when you didn't even resist because you thought you where doing the right thing...
Oh hun, you didn't resist because you didn't know any better. That's the good thing about childhood- your innocence, and it's horrible that somebody takes it away so creully, but he abused his power, and that his HIS stupidity, not yours.

Sometimes you don't know what to do. You didn't even know what it was, so how was you expected to resist?

In no way does it make you stupid. It was his choice, and you were too young to understand. I find it hard to believe that anyone would let that happen to them in real life, at such a young age, willingly.

It makes me sad to think that you still feel guilty. Of course it was his fault! He should of known better not you!

*huggles for Jas and Number7*

And Jas i do understand, I'm going to post it up later on today, hopefully that'll help
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Old 01-15-2007, 02:10 PM   #26
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Well, the first time we let it happen, I don't really want to say anything else on the matter as I really don't like talking about it..

I just wanted to say a bit as Jas had done, and I didn't want her to feel alone.
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Old 01-15-2007, 02:24 PM   #27
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That's fair enough, you don't have to talk about anymore that you want to but i still think you didn't just "let" it happen. Sorry if i pushed it a bit there?

And you're right, it's important to know that you're not alone, as cliché as it sounds, feeling like you're the only one just segregates you more.
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Old 01-15-2007, 02:43 PM   #28
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Jasmine. Thank you.

I have to say, I wasnt prepared for that this afternoon. A lot of your own story tallys with my own, I understand why our mutual friend thought you would help me during some difficult days of my own.

My abuse was drawn out, with a trusted family member and began at an early age...the physical effects as lasting as the psychological. I will never be able to have my own child due to the actions of that individual, nor will I ever be able to kill the nightmares that sometimes intrude.

Strangely, if my family, particularly my father had actually done something...and im not even suggesting going to the police, anything concrete...well, im pretty sure I would not have spent half as many years lost in darkness.

Thankfully, I was lucky enough to meet a man who helped me, helped me deal with the real and the fantasy...and let me know that it was ok for me to have a "darker" side to my sexual tastes...

He allowed me to move on with my life. Sex is a strange thing to me, it can be the raw, animal like submission to lust...of which my membership here is part of, or it can be the most incredible soul nourishment mind melting thing ever...
I also put my aversion to labelling myself with regard to sexuality to an openess...why should I limit myself, if a woman pushes the buttons...I'll play and if a man pushes more...then he's the lucky one!

Ok, drifting here. Told you I wasnt prepared. Thanks for putting this back Huni. x (now theres someone who pushes some buttons!)

Lou x
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Old 01-15-2007, 02:48 PM   #29
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Maybe a good mix of therapy and meds makes it easier for me to talk about stuff thats happened, or maybe I'm repressing it.. either way, didn't want you two to be the only posters, and since it doesn't really hurt me to write about it, I figured I'd add a story or two..

I really have been quite privileged in my life, and really not too many bad things have happened to me. The only one from my childhood was when I was 5. My uncle had just overdosed on drugs, and his wife was in rehab, so my parents took in their 3 kids. The oldest one, about 14 at the time I think and his younger step brother, about 10, had me in the attic one day. I don't remember all of it, just flashes. Me laying on the floor of the attic naked. They were naked too and the oldest one went to "kiss" me down there. I'm not sure what else happened, but I know oral sex for sure. Being the good little church girl I went down to my dad after it was over and told him. They were spanked and I guess I saw a therapist.. Since then I had hated the idea of anyone going down on me and only let someone do it for the first time a few months ago, even though I was always fine with bjs..

Anyway to be honest that wasn't the most traumatic part.. I think the real damage came when I was 12 and I had the initial flashback of the event.. I was listening to Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" and the line, lying naked on the floor, BAM flashback.. quite crazy really. But I spent the following year being obsessed with child sexual abuse, rape, kidnap, the works. I started talking to older men online.. reading survivor stories.. it became my life. Anyway, I think that sent me off into a depression.. and I know thats where my obsession with rape began. Every nite before I went to bed I'd predream about being raped or kidnapped.. crazy for a 12 yr old huh? anyway, thats old history..

also last november I was more accurately raped, even though that is kinda suspect.. I was waaaay drunk and basically was going in and out of consciousness while he took me to his tent and had sex with me.. so I mean there wasn't much force, so thats always messed with me.. Im sure i said no, but I definitely didnt put up a fight.. And you know that always kinda fucks with me.. I wish he had been violent, or I had faught because then I'd know for sure it was rape.. now I still feel like it was a bad sex experience. He came in me, no condom, he was from Tijuana, I was terrified of catching STDs or even aids.. I took lots of tests and pills and luckily im perfectly fine.

phew.. i think I wrote a lot there... sorry for the long post.. and I know, seems like something that should be written on a survivor's website (which it has :P) Oh well.. just thought Id share..

Oh and boys, if you were thinking about it, don't go all easy on me in the RPs after reading this.. im a big girl, and I still have a dirty mind
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Old 01-15-2007, 02:54 PM   #30
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Jasmine, I'm so sorry, I had no idea. That you overcame something so horrible and grew into the wonderful woman that we all know is a testimony to your strength. I'm sure something so painful never really goes away, but look at all the things you've done with your life as a validation of you. The p.o.s. that did that to you can't touch those accomplishments, you've overcome him, and he'll rot in hell.

You are a very special lady.
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Old 01-15-2007, 09:21 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Huni_Heart
And as a side note: Last topic, there was a shortage of men replying! More feedback from the guys would be nice, and girls, don't feel like you have to be quiet, I'd like this topic to as active as it was before!
Well, here’s one you won’t hear every day…
I was sexually assaulted four years ago. No, I did NOT enjoy it, then or now.
It was supposed to be a minor initiation ritual (“hazing”) from my then co-workers. But things got a little out-of-control, and it went too far.
I won’t say it didn’t have some positive effects- After all, it opened me up to ideas I’d never had.
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Old 01-16-2007, 10:45 AM   #32
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I won’t say it didn’t have some positive effects- After all, it opened me up to ideas I’d never had.
Well, although I don't care much for this thread, I suggest you take it slow. Some people might not like your way of seeing "the bright side of things".
That's your opinion - and it will stay of course, but be prepared for some people probably not responding too well to this statement.
If I mistook you: Sorry, my mistake.
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Old 01-16-2007, 11:02 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Sternenlied
Well, although I don't care much for this thread, I suggest you take it slow. Some people might not like your way of seeing "the bright side of things".
That's your opinion - and it will stay of course, but be prepared for some people probably not responding too well to this statement.
If I mistook you: Sorry, my mistake.
I happen to think that my experience made me who i am today. Although i wish i never went through it, there must have been a reason, and it helps to see what else you got out from it, otherwise it's just a bad experince you never learnt from, and that makes it worse.
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:19 PM   #34
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SindyLoo, Menace - *hugs* thank you.
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:23 PM   #35
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Louise,
It is so good to see you back. I thought that we might have more in common than either of us realized.

My abuse was also long term, by my Uncle, who had unlimited access. The physical and emotional abuse was administered by everyone in the family.

It was a long time ago, I have been through years of therapy including drug therapy.

There was a time where I was agoraphobic and suicidal. Had a friend not pushed his way into my house, I would probably be dead.

All that to say, sometimes help comes from people you don't expect.

*hugs*

I hope we talk soon.

Love ya' kiddo!

Jasmine
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:24 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by tom8517
Jasmine, I'm so sorry, I had no idea. That you overcame something so horrible and grew into the wonderful woman that we all know is a testimony to your strength. I'm sure something so painful never really goes away, but look at all the things you've done with your life as a validation of you. The p.o.s. that did that to you can't touch those accomplishments, you've overcome him, and he'll rot in hell.

You are a very special lady.
thank you Tom! *hugs and kisses*
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:26 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Andering REDDSON
Well, here’s one you won’t hear every day…
I was sexually assaulted four years ago. No, I did NOT enjoy it, then or now.
It was supposed to be a minor initiation ritual (“hazing”) from my then co-workers. But things got a little out-of-control, and it went too far.
I won’t say it didn’t have some positive effects- After all, it opened me up to ideas I’d never had.
A friend once told me that we are what we make of our experiences. You have made something positive out of something horrible.

I applaud you for that!

*hugs*
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:28 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babu
Maybe a good mix of therapy and meds makes it easier for me to talk about stuff thats happened, or maybe I'm repressing it.. either way, didn't want you two to be the only posters, and since it doesn't really hurt me to write about it, I figured I'd add a story or two..

I really have been quite privileged in my life, and really not too many bad things have happened to me. The only one from my childhood was when I was 5. My uncle had just overdosed on drugs, and his wife was in rehab, so my parents took in their 3 kids. The oldest one, about 14 at the time I think and his younger step brother, about 10, had me in the attic one day. I don't remember all of it, just flashes. Me laying on the floor of the attic naked. They were naked too and the oldest one went to "kiss" me down there. I'm not sure what else happened, but I know oral sex for sure. Being the good little church girl I went down to my dad after it was over and told him. They were spanked and I guess I saw a therapist.. Since then I had hated the idea of anyone going down on me and only let someone do it for the first time a few months ago, even though I was always fine with bjs..

Anyway to be honest that wasn't the most traumatic part.. I think the real damage came when I was 12 and I had the initial flashback of the event.. I was listening to Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" and the line, lying naked on the floor, BAM flashback.. quite crazy really. But I spent the following year being obsessed with child sexual abuse, rape, kidnap, the works. I started talking to older men online.. reading survivor stories.. it became my life. Anyway, I think that sent me off into a depression.. and I know thats where my obsession with rape began. Every nite before I went to bed I'd predream about being raped or kidnapped.. crazy for a 12 yr old huh? anyway, thats old history..

also last november I was more accurately raped, even though that is kinda suspect.. I was waaaay drunk and basically was going in and out of consciousness while he took me to his tent and had sex with me.. so I mean there wasn't much force, so thats always messed with me.. Im sure i said no, but I definitely didnt put up a fight.. And you know that always kinda fucks with me.. I wish he had been violent, or I had faught because then I'd know for sure it was rape.. now I still feel like it was a bad sex experience. He came in me, no condom, he was from Tijuana, I was terrified of catching STDs or even aids.. I took lots of tests and pills and luckily im perfectly fine.

phew.. i think I wrote a lot there... sorry for the long post.. and I know, seems like something that should be written on a survivor's website (which it has :P) Oh well.. just thought Id share..

Oh and boys, if you were thinking about it, don't go all easy on me in the RPs after reading this.. im a big girl, and I still have a dirty mind
I wish I could hug you for what happened to you. I also understand the sentiment of not wanting it to change they way people interact with you. I have the same fears!
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:29 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by Number7
Well, the first time we let it happen, I don't really want to say anything else on the matter as I really don't like talking about it..

I just wanted to say a bit as Jas had done, and I didn't want her to feel alone.
Thank you for your support and sharing what happened to you as well. It is pretty scary to put it out there for everyone to read.

*hugs*
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Old 01-16-2007, 01:38 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by Rogue
I'm glad I could help you post that for the first time Jas, a brave contribution to the thread. Thank you.
I have several people ask me about Rogue helping me post my story.

Rogue and I have been friends since before I joined RB. He and Huni encouraged me to post in this thread. I was nervous, RB can be brutal. I didn't want to be attacked.

Rogue read the post first and told me to post it. He and Huni held my hand via the internet because I was upset by merely editing it and by putting it out there for people to see and judge.

If Rogue hadn't asked, pushed and then he and Huni helped me through it, I would never have posted it. They stayed up with me, I know it was after 3 am for both of them! *hugs*

So, thank you Rogue and Huni. You are the best!

Jasmine
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