Heard a good one lately? How about a bad one?

[Darksyde]

Post your best (or worst!) jokes, riddles, and puns here. Preferably, they should be at least slightly related to the forum topics, or sex, in some way, shape, or form. Bad ones are often better than the good ones! Here are a few of my worst ones to get things started.

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A sadist had his masochist tied spread-eagled to the bed. The sadist just stood there, looking at the poor girl as if trying to decide what to do to her.

Finally, the masochist cried out, "Whip me! Beat me! Make me scream!"

The sadist just looked at her and replied, softly, "No."

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Q: What's the difference between a slut and a sex slave?

A: A slut lives to fuck. A sex slave fucks to live.

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Q: What's the difference between a pygmy and a cheerleader?

A: One is a cunning runt. The other is a running...

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A doctor was examining a patient when suddenly he heard a loud scream from the room next door. He looked out the door and saw a male patient running down the hall, clutching his cock, with his blond nurse chasing him with a pan of scalding hot water. The doctor yelled after them, "Nurse! I told you to prick his boil!"

[Hold_me_down]

(I heard this from my uncle as a kid. Yeah, that was awesome to hear right before dinner lol)

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A teenage girl goes up to her dad. "Pa, PLEASE, can I borrow the car for tonight? My friends all wanna go out to a movie."
Father looks her up and down and says "You know the price."

....after the usual blowjob she lifts her head up and says "UGH, pa, no offense, but that tasted like SHIT!"

Father thought for a moment and said "OHHHH yeah! Your brother has the car tonight."

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that's my go-to pervy/incestuous joke. haha.

[buttfreak]

A girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a snack cake. While she's eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber's chair.

The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

the girl looks up with her big bright eyes & replies "I know, and I'm gonna get big boobs, too."

[Sheba]

What about some limericks?

There was a young lady in Cue*
Who filled her vagina with glue;
She said with a grin,
"Since they pay to get in,
Let them pay to get out again to!"

*Porn magazine

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long he could suck it;
Said he with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!"

A gay man who lived in Khartoum,
Brought a lesbian up to his room;
And they argued a lot,
Over who would do what,
And how, and with which, and to whom!

[CaptiveSoul]

My worst one of the few I have, then; my variation on an old offender:

One evening, two sorority girls leave their house to walk to the grocery store. On their way, they pass a frat house where a loud, raucous party is under way. About a dozen frat guys swarm out and grab the girls and drag them kicking and screaming into the house. They pull the girls' clothes off and tie them up naked, and about thirty frat guys all take turns raping the girls vaginally, orally, and anally, while the waiting guys stand around them whooping and cheering, and groping and fondling and spanking and pinching every exposed inch of the girl's helplessly writhing bodies as they are repeatedly pounded in every hole. After about an hour the guys untie the girls, give them their clothes back, and push them back out onto the sidewalk. The girls continue on to the store and buy their things, all in silence until as they're leaving the store one girl says, "No one will believe what happened to us," and the other girl says, "I know! Imagine, us being gang-raped twice in one night!" and the first girl says, "What do you mean, twice?" and the other girl says, "Well, we're going back the same way, aren't we?"

[Lucifer_L]

I love my coffee how I like men. No where near my vagina.