BDSM v Abuse - Rape Board

Tanya · 01-18-2007, 02:11 PM

SM vs. Abuse

by Jay Wiseman

excerpted from "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction"

SM play differs from abuse in many of the same ways that a judo match differs from a mugging. Consider the differences:

1. SM play is always consensual (according to the definition of consent on Page 3*). Abuse is not.

2. SM players plan their activities to minimize the risks to one anotherâ€™s physical and emotional well-being. Abusers do not.

3. SM play is negotiated and agreed to ahead of time. Abuse is not.

4. SM play can enhance the relationship between the players. Abuse cannot.

5. SM play can be done in the presence of supportive others -- even at parties given for this purpose. Abuse needs isolation and secrecy.

6. SM play has responsible, agreed-upon rules. Abuse lacks such rules.

7. SM play may be requested, and even eagerly desired, by the submissive. Nobody overtly asks for abuse -- although self-destructive people may sometimes attempt to provoke it.

8. SM is done for the consensual erotic pleasure and/or personal growth of both or all participants. Abuse is not.

9. SM play can be stopped in an instant, at any time, and for any reason when the submissive uses a safeword. The victim cannot stop their abuser in that way.

10. In SM play, the dominant always keeps their emotions under control. An abuser's emotions are out of control.

11. After SM play, the submissive often feels grateful toward the dominant. A victim never feels grateful for abuse.

12. SM players do not feel that they have the intrinsic right, by virtue of their gender, income, or other external factors, to control the behavior of their partners. Abusers often do.

kinkyone · 01-18-2007, 02:41 PM

Some nice differences ....

sindyloo · 01-18-2007, 08:55 PM

Thanks Tanya!!

Lot of good useful information for everyone. well done Girl!!

ControlPhreak · 03-02-2007, 11:14 AM

This book is probably the best intro to BDSM yet. I wasn't going to buy it until I leafed through the marvelous sections on understanding what you're doing. this is one of a couple of things all first time players are REQUIRED to read before I'll Dom them. For the long term players who I've never played with, they still have to dmonstrate a knowledge of this type of material.

In my personal opinion, this and some info on SSC/RACK should be stickied in somed kind of new member intro. Playing with someone who doesn't understand these distinctions, especially in rape play, seems completely wrong. If these distinctions aren't understood, where is the meaningful consent. Too many new player (almost every new sub, don't even get me started on garbage Doms) just want to dive into the fun withouIt any real thought put into it. "Just do whatever you want," must be the thing hate to hear most, sadly I hear this all too often.

Thanks for putting this up!!I think it's great that we have it here, and I think the rape board should get a copy.

-CP

insignia0 · 03-02-2007, 02:32 PM

thats some nice info tanya well done

01-18-2007, 02:11 PM	#1
Tanya Privileged Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 505 Reputation: 2134	BDSM v Abuse SM vs. Abuse by Jay Wiseman excerpted from "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction" SM play differs from abuse in many of the same ways that a judo match differs from a mugging. Consider the differences: 1. SM play is always consensual (according to the definition of consent on Page 3). Abuse is not. 2. SM players plan their activities to minimize the risks to one anotherâ€™s physical and emotional well-being. Abusers do not. 3. SM play is negotiated and agreed to ahead of time. Abuse is not. 4. SM play can enhance the relationship between the players. Abuse cannot. 5. SM play can be done in the presence of supportive others -- even at parties given for this purpose. Abuse needs isolation and secrecy. 6. SM play has responsible, agreed-upon rules. Abuse lacks such rules. 7. SM play may be requested, and even eagerly desired, by the submissive. Nobody overtly asks for abuse -- although self-destructive people may sometimes attempt to provoke it. 8. SM is done for the consensual erotic pleasure and/or personal growth of both or all participants. Abuse is not. 9. SM play can be stopped in an instant, at any time, and for any reason when the submissive uses a safeword. The victim cannot stop their abuser in that way. 10. In SM play, the dominant always keeps their emotions under control. An abuser's emotions are out of control. 11. After SM play, the submissive often feels grateful toward the dominant. A victim never feels grateful for abuse. 12. SM players do not feel that they have the intrinsic right, by virtue of their gender, income, or other external factors, to control the behavior of their partners. Abusers often do. __________________ When im good im very very good, but when im bad im better!*

01-18-2007, 02:41 PM	#2
kinkyone ODD MOD ! Join Date: May 2006 Location: India Posts: 704 Reputation: 3463	Some nice differences .... __________________ In need of a good siggy !

01-18-2007, 08:55 PM	#3
sindyloo Privileged Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,178 Reputation: 34844	Great Stuff!! Thanks Tanya!! Lot of good useful information for everyone. well done Girl!!

03-02-2007, 11:14 AM	#4
ControlPhreak Privileged Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 361 Reputation: 499	This book is probably the best intro to BDSM yet. I wasn't going to buy it until I leafed through the marvelous sections on understanding what you're doing. this is one of a couple of things all first time players are REQUIRED to read before I'll Dom them. For the long term players who I've never played with, they still have to dmonstrate a knowledge of this type of material. In my personal opinion, this and some info on SSC/RACK should be stickied in somed kind of new member intro. Playing with someone who doesn't understand these distinctions, especially in rape play, seems completely wrong. If these distinctions aren't understood, where is the meaningful consent. Too many new player (almost every new sub, don't even get me started on garbage Doms) just want to dive into the fun withouIt any real thought put into it. "Just do whatever you want," must be the thing hate to hear most, sadly I hear this all too often. Thanks for putting this up!!I think it's great that we have it here, and I think the rape board should get a copy. -CP __________________ _____________ _________ _____ Pleasure Junkie

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03-02-2007, 02:32 PM	#5
insignia0 Privileged Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: uk Posts: 171 Reputation: 692	thats some nice info tanya well done