What do you think of Rape?

[CrashGirl]

Chitown: I had an interesting thought in respect to those who say they would never rape, even if there were no legal repercussions, and no chance of them being caught.

Maybe, and I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe they have respect for the emotional repercussions of being raped.

Yes, if I see a pretty girl, I might fantasize about her being raped. The reason I'd never rape her though, even if there were no legal threat against me, is because I'd never want to leave her feeling so hurt and violated. Knowing that I'd hurt someone in real life would take all the fun out of fantasy and role play for me. The very thought just makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know why rape fantasies turn me on, but I do know that my fantasies have never hurt anybody, and that's a big deal for me.

Of course, I'm also a female. My best friend was raped in real life. Once, when I was 18 and routinely walked home from work, I had to stay after my shift and call a male friend of mine to come pick me up because I'd blown off some asshole guy in drive thru earlier in the evening, and he'd spent the past 2 hours in the parking lot, presumably waiting for me to come outside. So, maybe I'm a little more empathetic than most, but I would never rape someone, even if I were 100% sure that I could get away with it. It wouldn't even turn me on.

[ChiTownHoney]

Originally Posted by CrashGirl

Maybe, and I'm just thinking out loud here, but maybe they have respect for the emotional repercussions of being raped.

No, and I sense your sarcasm. You say it like its an automatic that they will have "respect for the emotional repercussions" Let me share with you a secret....I lack a certain emotional trait called empathy. I dont know why I dont have it...I just dont, but only towards women. I know, I have to have therapy sometime in my life for that...I'll put it on my list of goals....its gonna cost a bitch.... So, yeah, I kinda can see that people feel sympathedic, but I also know that there are many who dont care, maybe more than you would think.

I say this because if you are going to fantasize...its something that you wish you had, something you want to have. I for example dont fantasize about hurting people I love or hurting people I dont want to hurt. I dont get excited over crying girls being tormented and brutally violated. The members here do, by their own admittance. Why would anybody purposely fantasize about those horrific things if its not somthing they liked? Why fantasize about it at all?


I guess the real question I want to know is: WHY do you have rape fantasies. This is the real issue in which my curiosity grows. Anyone who can say why they do, please share your thoughts

Shysnale.....

I dont think that Ridley Scott masturbated as he dreamt of aliens doing such and such to Sigourney Weaver.

And are you really a virgin?

Fibonacci.....

Thank you very much for you comments and honesty!

[CrashGirl]

Actually, I wasn't being sarcastic at all. And no, I don't consider it an automatic. I'm sure you're right, and that many people on this board would rape someone if given the chance. I guess I was just trying to figure out why some wouldn't, and why I wouldn't.

As for the rape fantasies, like I said, I have no idea why I have them. I never did, and then when I was 17 I came across a rape passage in a book I was reading. The passage made rape sound very erotic, and it's been a fetish ever since. If it helps assuage your curiosity at all though, violence doesn't turn me on. Even my rape fantasies involve only pinning a girl down, etc, not hitting or bloodying her.

I guess all I can tell you is that I didn't choose to have rape fantasies, and that despite having them, I don't really want to hurt people. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

Edit: I saw in your earlier post that you'd like to stop fantasizing about rape so much. For me, the fantasies come in cycles. I will go months without so much as even thinking about rape in a sexy setting, and then there will be days or occasionally weeks where it's a recurring fantasy. To tell you the truth, if I never had another rape fantasy again, I'd be fine with it. Even now though, it's not overtaking my life or anything.

Edit because I realized I'd written "weeks" where I meant to write "months."

[ChiTownHoney]

Originally Posted by CrashGirl

Actually, I wasn't being sarcastic at all. And no, I don't consider it an automatic. I'm sure you're right, and that many people on this board would rape someone if given the chance. I guess I was just trying to figure out why some wouldn't, and why I wouldn't.

As for the rape fantasies, like I said, I have no idea why I have them. I never did, and then when I was 17 I came across a rape passage in a book I was reading. The passage made rape sound very erotic, and it's been a fetish ever since. If it helps assuage your curiosity at all though, violence doesn't turn me on. Even my rape fantasies involve only pinning a girl down, etc, not hitting or bloodying her.

I guess all I can tell you is that I didn't choose to have rape fantasies, and that despite having them, I don't really want to hurt people. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

Edit: I saw in your earlier post that you'd like to stop fantasizing about rape so much. For me, the fantasies come in cycles. I will go weeks without so much as even thinking about rape in a sexy setting, and then there will be days or occasionally weeks where it's a recurring fantasy. To tell you the truth, if I never had another rape fantasy again, I'd be fine with it. Even now though, it's not overtaking my life or anything.

I think mostly with women its a matter of being "taken" by a desirable man. I mean, who wouldnt want that? Its obvious why a woman has rape fantasies. An attractive and sexy guy...not taking no for an answer....grabbing you with his strong sexy arms and pinning you down, desire and lust in his eyes...lust so great that he just cant stop or accept rejection, he desires you so much and you unleash the bad boy in him...of course you dont think of the consequence of real rape.

With men its a bit different for me to interpret. I tried my best, but I guess I'm wrong. Thats my take on it though, what I posted earlier, my long ass post that I myself would probably just have skipped over.

I think women have the rape fantasy for the above reason. The want to feel irresistable to men, be desirable, plus its a belief that the they want the "alpha male" the strongest most dominant male. So, they come together with sex thrown in and you get the rape fantasy. Strong desirable dominant male finds you irresistable and forces sex on you.

There are other reasons for rape fantasy...one of my reasons is that I can enjoy sex without the stigma of guilt. I feel very guilty about sex. I think thats why I have never been able to enjoy sex. Maybe thats why I often seeked to be forced in real life. My mouth and my body said no, but my mind wanted it very bad...even though I never got it

I will say this....for me there is little to no line between MY fantasy and reality. What I fantisize about, I long for....its something that I thought I might want. But I dont know if I really want it. I made a thread "My Rape Thoughts", its all there. Thats why I DONT want to fantasize about it, because its dangerous. I just feel if I can feel like this, there has to be men who do to...and not just a select few, but people who do post here, who are regular members of the community, who will never admit in a thousand years that they do long for it. They say that they hate the crime, but what if they are lying to themselves? I think alot of men here do feel that way...not that I want them to step forward or anything...but I believe that sometimes reality and fantasy doesnt not have much of a line seperating them at all.

[sindyloo]

Chi dear thanks for so many good thoughts here on this subject. Most well thought out and quite logical.

Some presumed and hopefully the rest will never ever be found out. There is quite a difference of course between reality and the self-delusion of our minds.

When it happens for real most of us can barely think of what to do and even after it is rough. Even scarier is the thought that there are people out there that like and get off on the thought of someone being raped!

Thanks again for your decent comments here on this subject!

[cryptic]

Edit: Moved this post to the Rowdy Room to avoid thread-hijackage.

[Sternenlied]

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

I think mostly with women its a matter of being "taken" by a desirable man. I mean, who wouldnt want that? Its obvious why a woman has rape fantasies. An attractive and sexy guy...not taking no for an answer....grabbing you with his strong sexy arms and pinning you down, desire and lust in his eyes...lust so great that he just cant stop or accept rejection, he desires you so much and you unleash the bad boy in him...of course you dont think of the consequence of real rape.

That's one possibility.
With many women rape fantasy is a rather puberal, romanticised fantasy mostly very similar ones to what you described. Many women tend to romanticise (their wedding, life with the partner, sexual fantasies, etc ...) so to them rape fantasy is just another variant of "having wild sex".
Most women crave attention. Although most of them wouldn't be willing to admit it, they still love it when they feel/know a guy is interested in them. Many women even put a lot of work (maybe only subconsciously even) into getting the attention from men. In a somewhat wicked way getting raped is the ultimate attention. A man is so potently attracted to the woman he cannot stop himself, he has to have her and thus rapes her (in those women's mind that is).
As we have read on the board however there are many other varieties of rape fantasy, including bondage, humiliation, animals, excrements, beating, whatever ... those can have many different reasons to come up. I can get into those further if there's interest.

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

I guess the real question I want to know is: WHY do you have rape fantasies. This is the real issue in which my curiosity grows. Anyone who can say why they do, please share your thoughts

With men it's usually a little more primal than the romantic female side.
Look at men nowadays. Not only have they (as well as us women) have to be politically correct, they also have to be socially correct all the time.
Women (as well as society) wants them to dress nicely, be understanding, sensitive, emphasising, good-looking, shaved and styled, cuddly, ... on and on and on.
What do they do among themselves?
Sit around in their shorts, fart, burp, tell dirty jokes, talk about shagging, ... When they do sports, work out, etc. they like to sweat; they like to get dirty, ... all those things. They are more primal by nature, even more childish sometimes (this time not meant deprecatory by any means) and they like it. Modern day society however mostly forbids them to be what they are.
So naturally there's the need for a vent.
Also we shouldn't forget women. Women are working in pretty much every "man's job" these days, being self-confident, successful, independent, openly attractive, even men's bosses ... to sum it all up: intimidating to many men. Rape is about control and rage, to a certain level rape fantasy is as well. In a rape (as well as a rape fantasy) a man can be what he is deep inside and what he ultimately wants to be: the one calling the shots over women (talking generally here, of course this doesn't go for every single man).
This is rather basic and there's much more to it. As stated above ... if there's interest ...

[somedude]

I'd definitely be interested in hearing more Stern!

[star67]

Originally Posted by CrashGirl

I guess all I can tell you is that I didn't choose to have rape fantasies, and that despite having them, I don't really want to hurt people. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

Yes x100. I just wanted to post to say that that's exactly how I feel, too.

Also, Sternenlied, I would be very interested in hearing more about the topic.

[shysnale]

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

Shysnale.....

I dont think that Ridley Scott masturbated as he dreamt of aliens doing such and such to Sigourney Weaver.

And are you really a virgin?

Hey !

I have the strange feeling that you did not spend a long time trying to understand my post. Maybe because it's written in shitty English or you think I went out the subject.

What I felt in your first post is the difficulty for you to understand how a man can have rape fantasy and not be likely to rape in a favourable situation? You also repeated that another time: 'I don’t get excited over crying girls being tormented and brutally violated. The members here do, by their own admittance. Why would anybody purposely fantasize about those horrific things if its not something they liked? Why fantasize about it at all?'

Because IT IS a fantasy. That's why. It sometimes is the only freedom we have in life. Have you ever worked or are you still studying? Have you ever felt that taking order from a boss becomes so hateful that you could not prevent your mind from projecting pictures of you beating him with a baseball bat? I did. I mean I had these pictures coming to my mind. And I enjoyed having them coming. The fact is, I just said yes to my boss and I did what he wanted me to do, but these pictures of him lying in blood were delicious. Do you know why they were delicious? Because they were the only way for my anger to be canalised. The only escape, if you prefer. I do not like to beat people. Last time I had a real fight I was 13 years old.

You seem to be interested by dreams. Do you know what they are? They are the reflections of your mind 'digesting' reality. Reality is rarely what you want and even if you don't feel upset when you go to bed, you are sometimes a little disturbed, and a nightmare appears. They are a very healthy thing.

Back to the image of my boss Knocked out. Why did I imagine that? Because I was mad about him not respecting my freedom of choosing when I take holyday. How could I express my anger? I just see two ways : I could have knock him down but then I would have been fired. Or I could have imagined me beating him. Why did I use an extreme image like this? Simply because I am not a genius and my mind is not fast enough to transform anger in poetry when I’m offended by someone. At this point of my life, I just get rid of my anger by projecting pictures on my head. Rude & bloody pictures yes, but still harmless pictures. Why do I do that? Because anger is pain. Anger can lead to the idea of vengeance. Vengeance when successfully made can be delicious. Ok. But imagine what vengeance is when you have to wait 10 years before getting even?

What people really like when they fantasize about blood, rape or something else is the fact that they can give their mind a rest, and get partially rid of their pain. That is the main reason.
I agree with you the image of my dead boss is gross. And I truly hope one day I have enough talent to transform my anger in something more creative, like poetry for instance. I agree with you blood and wounds are not very poetic. But it all depends of the fantasizer creativity. I don’t know how long you’ve been standing here but there’s been some real artists here that made their fantasies a lot more sophisticated.

I’ve never been to Chicago, but I’ve been to LA, and I saw the sudden changes of quality of life between places like West Hollywood and Vine Street. In West Hollywood, you can see good looking girls in flashing cars, in vine street, you see bums begging in the street and poor old buildings. With the incredible power the media have on us, can you imagine the frustration a kid from a poor family may feel? He can easily fall in pessimist thoughts like ‘I will never hang around with a woman like that’. She is a goddess. Because the fashion industry sometimes reaches degrees of excellence that make models look larger than life. What can the kid from a poor family do? Again, there’s not so many choices left around. He can jump in the back of the flashing car and rip the clothes of the girl, or he can use his frustration via art, music, painting, just with his imagination, or by posting in a web site like this. Yes I consider some posters here like real artists. Good looking women are often playing in violent action movies and it’s just very normal kids won’t change that universe in their imaginations. Have you seen the movie the Crow?

The example I used with Riddley Scott was not meant to be interpreted sexually. I hope for him he did not get a hard on the Alien planting his dick on the victim throat. I just used that as an example to show you imagination can create things far from one's life. That is why using that example of extraterrestrial taking people by force seemed a good way to explain that to you. Riddley has a long standing career and had long relationship with women. Why would he be a frustrated person capable of laughing if he sees someone raped by a 200 pounds gorilla?

Back to your original question:

I guess the real question I want to know is: WHY do you have rape fantasies. This is the real issue in which my curiosity grows. Anyone who can say why they do, please share your thoughts.

I don’t believe in just one answer.
One can desire to rape for the pleasure of being in control, another one will choose rape because his sexual life has been so intense since his teenage that he has lost libido and only the idea of mixing sex with violence can turn him on……….there can be a lot of answers.

As for me, my fantasy is slightly different : I would like to be raped by girls. Why ? Because it would be the only way for me to understand sex is not a big deal and I can fuck just like everybody else. I hope I answered your question.
Please consider the fact I have been sharing very personal things here so I’d appreciate you make an effort in understanding that long post. Yes it is long.

Oups got carried away again. Sorry people.

[shysnale]

Chi, say something.
I have a complex now. I feel like I am the thread killer. I have noticed some threads ended after my long posts. I feel guilty about this.

Hey ! Let's go back to the beginning and let's forget what I said ok ?
Really, how can a man have a good time imagining himself taking a women by force ?

What do you think of that theory :

It's all an ego problem.
Men want to reach perfection in bed. Casanova did let a mark in men mind that is almost as strong as J.C mark. Men want to be so perfect in bed that they want a regular training (several times a week), and the only way to get regular sex training is rape ! Hookers are way too expensive ! Seducing takes too long ! So here we go with a new explanation : Raping is sex training. Raping is about keep up with the good dick work. So when they meet the women of their life men can be top notch in bed.

[Sternenlied]

Originally Posted by shysnale

It's all an ego problem.
Men want to reach perfection in bed. Casanova did let a mark in men mind that is almost as strong as J.C mark. Men want to be so perfect in bed that they want a regular training (several times a week), and the only way to get regular sex training is rape ! Hookers are way too expensive ! Seducing takes too long ! So here we go with a new explanation : Raping is sex training. Raping is about keep up with the good dick work. So when they meet the women of their life men can be top notch in bed.

You should know I like you, snale ... but that's seriouly one of the most mislead things I ever read.

[Fibonacci]

Originally Posted by shysnale

It's all an ego problem.
Men want to reach perfection in bed. Casanova did let a mark in men mind that is almost as strong as J.C mark. Men want to be so perfect in bed that they want a regular training (several times a week), and the only way to get regular sex training is rape ! Hookers are way too expensive ! Seducing takes too long ! So here we go with a new explanation : Raping is sex training. Raping is about keep up with the good dick work. So when they meet the women of their life men can be top notch in bed.

Stern is right I can have sex any time I want, cause my gf wants it more often then me. So any time I want it I can take it, sometimes I have it even when I don't want it Just cause I want to satisfy her

A rape is for me a matter of power. I don't need to rape the girl, I enjoy the most the beginning of it, the humiliation. This is the most sexy part of the whole thing. Therefore I love to dream about new and new girls/woman ... who I meet on streets fe. Cause humiliate them you may just few times, then you can 'just' rape them

And ChiTownHoney said in one of her posts, she does not enjoy the rape fantasy about people she likes - sorry if it is not the exact citation. I do. I sometimes have fantasies about my girlfriend being raped somewhere in pub by group of strangers or some stronger woman ... even if I definitely don't want this to happen to her. I think it is because I know her and can feel her emotions and her acting. And therefore I can imagine and feel it much stronger. Strange? Maybe. But this is the way I feel it.

[ChiTownHoney]

Originally Posted by Sternenlied

Also we shouldn't forget women. Women are working in pretty much every "man's job" these days, being self-confident, successful, independent, openly attractive, even men's bosses ... to sum it all up: intimidating to many men. Rape is about control and rage, to a certain level rape fantasy is as well. In a rape (as well as a rape fantasy) a man can be what he is deep inside and what he ultimately wants to be: the one calling the shots over women (talking generally here, of course this doesn't go for every single man).
This is rather basic and there's much more to it. As stated above ... if there's interest ...

So do you think that rape is becoming more abundant in society since women are gaining more independence? Do you think that about a 100 years ago, rape went on less, or maybe it was more accepted? I'm sure it happened all the time, but maybe it was purely out of sadistic urges, or perhaps it is about control issues, but it goes back to when they were being brought up by a mother who was overbearing and controlling.

and I guess there is different types of rape fantasies, huh? I prefer the ones I gave examples of..the romanticised versions...I think everyone woman has thought about those at one time or the other. I dont like bondage or humiliation of any of that...just the pure sex driven rape, or power driven rape.

[Sternenlied]

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

So do you think that rape is becoming more abundant in society since women are gaining more independence? Do you think that about a 100 years ago, rape went on less, or maybe it was more accepted? I'm sure it happened all the time, but maybe it was purely out of sadistic urges, or perhaps it is about control issues, but it goes back to when they were being brought up by a mother who was overbearing and controlling.

I wouldn't go that far.
Trusting numbers from so many years back (even 50 for example) is rather meaningless - for different reasons. For one: The definition of "rape" has changed over time. For example domestic rape in a marriage was a concept not known to law back then since men defined sex as a marital duty of the woman so a husband couldn't rape his wife, he was only claiming his right as a man. Keeping that example in mind we have to see that society and the point of view on things has changed a lot as well.
Socially and legally women had (and still have to in many places) to fight to be accepted as independent, delf-determined human beings as well. Although many men have finally come to that conclusion as well it still has put more pressure on them.
Generally however yes, rape was more "accepted" indeed. At least a women's right was less accepted. Maybe some around here can remember: Back in the days when boys would run around trying to kiss girls or to peek under their skirts or sneak into the locker room and a girl complained she would have been told "boys are boys" ... today? We're overdoing it the other way around. A boy doing that might be called a "dangerously disturbed" juvenile these days. This might actually disturb him in the end.
All of this (as well as the reasons in my previous post) aren't any excuses for rape of course. Many men have found enough ways to deal with pressure (in general, not only sexual) in various way without harming anyone. Sports is the perfect example. Everybody doing sports on a regular basis knows how refreshing, relaxing pacifying it can be, physically and mentally.
Rape is something that has always happened and (in my opinion) is always going to happen. See WW2 ... countless women have been raped during that period, just because men could, knowing noone would charge them. It has happened in Iraq as well. History as well as many experiments (see http://www.prisonexp.org/ for example) have shown giving people absolute power of other people will certainly end in abuse of some kind. Men always want to have women, have power over them ... so if you give it to them many (not all) would certainly make use of it and rape. Maybe not immediately (since social education still clings to their minds) but after a certain amount of time for sure.
General sadistic urges are also a reason (if present in an individual) ... see the time of the inquisition, perfect example, but those usually lead to torture and torment. Combined with "sanctioned" power it makes the perfect breeding ground for rape.
Well, fortunately not all boys with overbearing and controlling mothers turn into rapists but there certainly is an increased risk. Even if not rapists, almost every boy (or child in general) grows up to be socially "awkward" coming from a household like that, fighing many years eventually to overcome to psychological damages such an upbringing can inflict.
I better take a break now before I loose myself writing an entire essay again ...

[somedude]

Originally Posted by Sternenlied

Men always want to have women, have power over them ...

Well some of us only want to have power over them under limited sexy circumstances and only if they like that sort of thing...

[shysnale]

Depends what you mean by having power on women.
I second you what you said, however, there is a different way to look at it :

Everything that happens between a man and a woman is a negociation.
Bluff. I think it's proven somewhere when two individuals meet each other, the very first impression is the one that counts the most for the future. So the very first meeting is the one when you have to make out the best of yourself, and most people can't control themselves from overselling what they are. There's a proper balance to attain, I guess you do not want to undersell yourself either but you kind use artificial charms. That's always like a deal. Convincing the woman you can talk about different subjects, convincing her you can listen to her when she needs to instead of watching baseball, convincing her of many things........so in a way, If that trade is successfully made I guess you can say it's having power on the woman but if she is the one that seduce you then she is the one that has power on you.

[shysnale]

Originally Posted by Sternenlied

You should know I like you, snale ... but that's seriouly one of the most mislead things I ever read.

It's called a Joke my dear Berlin mind healer.
I just felt guilty about my long post shutting down the thread by boring people

[Sternenlied]

Originally Posted by shysnale

Depends what you mean by having power on women.
I second you what you said, however, there is a different way to look at it :

Everything that happens between a man and a woman is a negociation.
Bluff. I think it's proven somewhere when two individuals meet each other, the very first impression is the one that counts the most for the future. So the very first meeting is the one when you have to make out the best of yourself, and most people can't control themselves from overselling what they are. There's a proper balance to attain, I guess you do not want to undersell yourself either but you kind use artificial charms. That's always like a deal. Convincing the woman you can talk about different subjects, convincing her you can listen to her when she needs to instead of watching baseball, convincing her of many things........so in a way, If that trade is successfully made I guess you can say it's having power on the woman but if she is the one that seduce you then she is the one that has power on you.

Of course sexual seduction, sex in general, is another kind of power naturally. However the first impression, "selling yourself to the opposite gender" is more of a mutually accepted power since most people quickly see through any possible facade made up when meeting for the first time and if what's behind there isn't what you sold to your partner all eventual "power" gained is lost.
Absolute power (the one I was referring to) means totally being at somebody else's mercy without and power of your own. That's when it get dangerous.

Originally Posted by shysnale

It's called a Joke my dear Berlin mind healer.
I just felt guilty about my long post shutting down the thread by boring people

Well, my friendly French neighbour, how would I know?
You're French, meaning humour is a quality lost to you ...
But don't put any guilt on you ... I prefer a long post with some actual substance in it over many short ones saying nothing.

Originally Posted by somedude

Well some of us only want to have power over them under limited sexy circumstances and only if they like that sort of thing...

True ... now.
Maybe even given one or two days of absolute power ... eventually one or two weeks ... but one or two months? Years? Unlimited time?
Are you sure the trappings of power wouldn't corrupt you?
Imagine a guy laughed at, rejected by women, jealous of most others (we have some around here ) ... would you like to be at the mercy of someone like that?
I certainly wouldn't!

[somedude]

Well unlimited power over a long period might corrupt me...I mean I am only human
And no I really wouldn't want to be at the mercy of someone like you describe!