Newbie Here

[ModeratelyPerplexed]

I am not sure what to write, so I'll stick with the basics. I'm a happily married 20-something woman living on the west coast of the US.

Lately I've noticed that I have a growing fascination for "the kinky stuff". I've spoken to my husband about and, and he's been willing to try to play along for my sake, but it's just not his thing. He really doesn't get off of spankings or restraints, but likes that I enjoy it.

For myself, I've found that I like being spanked, blind-folded, and tied up, and am even beginning to have guilt-inducing rape fantasies. Those little daydreams are especially perplexing for me, since I have been raped in the past and most certainly DID NOT enjoy it. Intellectually, I can understand that such fantasies are not uncommon or unhealthy (there's a reason 50 Shades of Grey is a best seller), and that fantasy and reality are two very different things. Emotionally, though, I just feel confused and guilty about it.

I found this board while doing a Google search for "women rape fantasies" and found this board. I was actually afraid to read through most of the threads at first, because I wasn't sure that there would't be actual illegal stuff here and I don't want the feds kicking down my door with the wrong idea. But, this place seems legit and I enjoy many of the threads (well, the ones that aren't full of spam....what's up with that?). If nothing else, it's been helping me to normalize the conflicting emotions I am feeling.

So...that's my intro.

[Lonetone]

Welcome, I think ( and you probably have guessed ) you found a good place to express yourself. Good intro, fantasy & reality are two completely different things but try explaining that to moralists. Your puzzlement over your enjoyment of rape fantasy conflicting with your personal experience reminded me of an old girlfriend. She arrived at my flat one evening and was not her usual together self. As the evening wore on and a few drinks loosened her tongue it transpired that she had been sexually assaulted when taking a short cut home through some derelict ground the night before. ( yes , very stereotypical but true) I let her talk it out and we eventually fucked with her wearing lingerie,assuming submissive positions and being humiliated verbally. Cuddling up afterwards we talked and strange as it may sound to some she was NOT reliving her attack but taking back control by overwriting it by choosing to enjoy a submissive experience that she consented to. She told me that if she had retreated from not only sex but sex in the submissive way she enjoyed then her attacker would have affected the rest of her life. This was her way of moving on.

[Throatdagger]

Welcome to our corner of cyber space. Look around and visit often. I am the dirty old man here so hope you don't mind me checking your boobs out.

Yes, do visit often.

[RapeU]

Some people have these fantasies as a way of healing from their past. The idea is you could not control what happened to you before, but you can control the fantasy. If the fantasy gets too much for you, you have the power to stop it.

Guilt for enjoying the fantasy is common among those who are new to it, but as long as you keep fantasy away from reality there's no real need to feel guilty. Everyone has needs. Some come here for healing, some come here to enjoy the fantasy, etc.

[ModeratelyPerplexed]

Thanks for the warm welcomes!

[pervipete]

Welcome to the board.

I have to agree, as long as you know the differences between fantasy and reality, than you have nothing to feel guilty about. Anyway, that's just societies take on it and I say to hell with them.

[IvoryBeast]

Welcome to the board..... I used to be conflicted as well. Now I realize. Everyone has a thing. This is my thing. And as Pete quite rightly put it.... there is a difference between reality and fantasy. So we search for like minded individuals.

Welcome. have fun.

[shysnale]

Welcome

[StalkHer]

Welcome! Enjoy your time here. You will find most very respectful and willing to help you explore your fantasy.