The Real Rape Thread!

[LustAndLuxury]

I have been away for so long that I do not remember if we can write our own story on this site. But I am sure that the moderator will do their job just fine if my story isn't suited for the place.

As an intro, I found a website where people also talk about many of Life's experience so here goes, I'm relating my story right now.

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15 years old
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As a teenager, I didn't find myself attractive. Let me describe myself as I was then. (Note: I will speak in present terms for the time being, tracking myself back at 15 years old)

I am little, Black with no feminine figures. My mom wants me to keep the "Afro" hair style, because I should accept the way I am. I don't straighten my hair and keep it all bushy. My figure is very thin, small breasts and butt, no beautiful curves. Most of the time, I look at the boys of my age and I wish that one of them would look at me for a change. I hate school, because there is a lot of racism going on. I keep my tears to myself and I smile whenever I can. People like it this way and therefore, I have no problem. I am a very popular person for some reasons. I guess they must think that I am funny and that at least, I won't steal their boyfriends hahahah !!!

Anyway, the best moment of my day is when I come back from school, alone, walking and taking my time to look at the trees, smell the spring wind and feel light and happy. As I walk, people say "Hello" and smile, and so, as a good child, filled with Love for everyone, I smile back.

Today, as I walk, a car comes close to me. I am almost home, but the day is so gorgeous, so why should I hurry? The car stops and the window slides down. "Sorry" he says, "I just had to talk to you after that wonderful smile you gave me." I look at him, unsure of what all this talking means, but I thank him politely, ready to go on. However, I do notice a certain nervousness. He keeps the pace with his car to be able to keep chatting with me. I enjoy his company, totally curious of why he took the time to talk to me. It's actually the first time that a man gives me more than 5 secondes of attention.

"Do you live close to here? I've never seen you before" he asks. I'm feeling uneasy. What should I say? My parents always told me, not to answer that type of question. So I wave my hand around saying "Yeah", but not in any specific direction.

"Anyway, it would be nice to meet again. Do you remember my house ? Just come by whenever you feel like it. We could talk and drink some tea or juice if you prefer."

A DATE ? I don't know what to say, so I simply nod. On this, he turns in the street to do a U-turn and drives off to his house I suppose. Me, nervous? NO way, I'm totally excited and happy. I smile even more and when I get home, I go straight to my room and giggles in my pillow, thinking about that man who talked to me and offered to share a juice. Woooow !

My mom and I don't talk about boys, sex, drugs, alchool or anything of the sort. I've been able to get my hands on some porno video, but I'm way to shy to believe that I could do those things with a guy, even more ask him for a simple date. I'd say, I'm pretty clueless for my age, but it doesn't matter, life is easy and I have good friends and a wonderful family.

It's already the end of May, my birthday is coming soon. Alright !! But I know that it will be raining again, because, the 2nd of June must be the Day of the Rain God as well but, as long as I have fun, we can all get inside and blow candles.

Finally, it's my birthday. Everybody is still asleep though. It's still very early. I dress up, I look trough my pile of aweful panties. I've been roaming around my mom's dresser and I remember seeing one very sexy lingery. I want those too. I feel like a woman today. Anyway, I pick the less horrid one. I'll wear that cute skirt that my mom bought me and a big sweater. It's a bit chilly in the morning. Time to go for a walk. I bring my dog with me, he's a sweetheart, a gorgeous Lassie (Colley). The sky is grey, but bright, so much that it hurts my eyes. I turn the corner of my street and I see that man again. He seems to be taking a walk as well. He sees me. "Well, hello petite, how are you?"

Thank God I'm Black, else, he would see me blushing from head to toe.

"Hi" is all I can say for the moment. I'm so shy. I keep silence right after that.

"So, taking a walk?" he says.

"Yeah"

"Mind if I come with you ?"

"No"

"Great, let's go. Where do you want to walk ?"

"Up the street"

"Cool, I was just going that way too."

"Ok"

DAMN, I'm suppose to say more than Yeah, No, Up the street... My friends told me that guys like it when you have something to talk about. But I'm so nervous, that I can't think straight. Fortunately, he has a lot to say so I don't have to make an effort. We arrive at the end of the street. I'm thinking about turning back and going home. I had a great time, but I will have to help my mom with chores. In our family, you help no matter which day it is.

Before I turn, he asks if I want to keep walking into the woods. There is a small trail, and we could find little fruits and maybe see animals. I love them. And I LOVE fruits. I'm so happy that he asks. I agree and pull on my dog's leash. We walk for a while, this time, I feel better and I actually find subjects to talk about. Of course, I talk about school, friends, family and games.

He takes a turn into another trail. I stop, unsure. I don't know why, but I feel something inside. I don't really go too far into the woods. Unless I am with some friends. I try to tell him, but he seems to know where he's going. We walk again for a bit and he stops. I lend on a tree and starts to play with my dog. "Jump!" His huge paw falls into my hands and we dance a bit. I love my dog.

As I play, the man watches. He walks closer to me, I can see him on the corner of my eyes, and my heart squeeze, but I don't know why. He places a hand on my cheek, I drop the paws. He looks straight into my eyes. It seems like all the noises of the forest has gone dead, except for the wind. It blows, and blows, in my ear, on my face, and I feel the LACK of wind on that exact spot where his hand is right now. Without any warning or whatsoever, he closes the gap between him and I and kisses me softly on my lips. OH MY GOD, I'M BEING KISSED !!!!!!!!!!!

His lips only brushes mine softly, while one of his hand cups my cheek. My eyes are wide open, although I think that I should shut them...should I ? No...wait ? Whatever...I am being kissed. His other hand finally appears and land on my hip. Slowly, he place one of his thumb on my lower lip and pull down. I freeze. I can't. I don't want to. It's dirty and I don't want to. I feel myself becoming rigid. My feet want to move away, but it's only a thought, I can't move. His tongue slides inside my mouth, at first slowly, until it becomes ravaging. He breathes, suck, bits and suck and breathes inside my mouth. Oh gosh, this is disgusting.

At last, my body seems to wake and I back away, simply to bump on the tree behind my back. He stops the kiss and tells me to relaxe. I'm starting to panic. I can't relaxe. Why do I want to cry ? Where is my dog. What is happening ? He starts caressing my hip under my sweater and all I do is watch as he touches me. He goes up, and up, and up forever until he manage to touch one of my nipple. Now I know what's happening. Oh my God, help me. I don't want this. Please.

"Please, I don't want..." I manage to say, with my voice trembling.

"Don't worry, it will be fine"

And on this, I feel my nipple being twisted between his fingers.

"You have big nipples compare to the size of your breasts."

Why is he telling me this ? I don't care, just get your hands off me. But I can't say those words out loud. I feel that the tears will come out soon, but I don't cry in front of anyone, not even my parents. I won't cry in front of him that's for sure. I move forward, but this time, he pushes me back on the tree, holding my arms. His move are so swift that it scares me. He kisses me again, but violently this time, not taking time to softly part my lips. He forces his tongue inside my mouth, using his weight to maintain me. As he kisses, I feel one hand going up my skirt. He touches my panty, and slides his fingers underneath. He rubs my pussy up and down in circular motion. I hate it, and it's too late, I'm crying. In front of him. It's a shame. It's horrid, because I don't know what to do to stop this. I am afraid and I keep shacking and sobbing. I feel it when his fingers penetrates my vagina. He pushes further and further. There is a slight pain as he tries to go deeper inside. Then, he stops all of a sudden. He stops kissing me and looks at me.

"Is it your first time?"

"I...."

"It is. I felt it. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. All you need to do is relaxe."

"But I...I don't want to, please, don't..."

He goes on as if I didn't say anything. He felt it...I did too. I felt his fingers searching for my barrier. I can also feel his excitment which disgust me.

He plunges his fingers inside me again, moving up and down faster and faster. I let out a scream, not loud, but enough for him to put a hand on my mouth and lock his eyes on mine. He doesn't say anything, but he looks at me and I can't utter another sound. He keeps trying to soften my vagina, to help for what is to come. He gets his fingers out and lick them, still fixing me. I think I am going to puke but my stomach is empty. I do feel very sick right now though. As if angry, he grabs me with one arm and shove me on the ground. I hurt my back on a rock and I start crying again, this time more loudly. He bends over me, his knees between my legs and tells me to stop making so much noise. Who care what he says. At that moment, I get my first look ever at a penis, which he just pulled out of his pants. It's half standing, half not. He rubs it against my pussy, doing the same as he did with his fingers, up and down, on my pussy lips. I can feel his penis getting harder against my skin. He places the tip of his cock in front of my hole and pushes slowly. My mind snaps. I kick him with my feet and scream out loud, telling him to stop. I feel that I am back, and aware of what I might lose. I scream louder and louder. (Today, I wonder if I should have gone berserk, because the situation simply turned more serious afterwards)

With one hand, he graps my throat and squeeze firmly but briefly. My screaming stops altogether. He stands up, his penis dangling between his legs, grabs a firm grip of my bushy hairs and turned me on my belly.

He brings my skirt up to my hips and grab my panties to pull them off. My face is buried in the ground, soil and leaves getting in my mouth and nose. I cannot see what he is about to do, but my body is all numb from the sudden lack of air that I just experienced. Again, I feel his cock between my legs, and soon after that, all I get is the worse pain I have ever felt in my life as a teenager.

I scream, spit soil and scream again, but I can't move because his whole body is restraining me. Why is he also complaining, I have no idea. He seems to be in pain as well, but keeps pushing. To me, all I see is flashes of light and I think that I am going to faint. I can't breathe because his hand is holding my head, face turn to the ground. I can't believe what he is doing. He really is fucking me. I thought he would stop, I thought that my tears would make him stop. I am too young, I am not even beautiful, I have nothing to offer, nothing that can make a man wants to do this to me. I can't believe how my butt hurts so much. I can't actually believe that he forced himself on me, that he is using the other hole. This is disgusting and it hurts, hurts, hurts. He fucks me over and over and over, breathing loudly, while I trash as much as I can under him. I don't understand, I don't want to, I just want to be gone, to hit him, to kill him, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate !

He licks my neck as he continues pumping his cock deep inside me. He seems happy now, he laughs and grunt loudly, pinning me with his whole body. Sometimes saying words such as "Thight" "Good" "Fuck". I manage to turn my head on the side and scream my lungs out. He doesn't seem to care anymore, as he goes on ever faster.

All of sudden he slows down, and give short thrusts while trembling. He coughs and breathe slowlier. He pulls out in a slow motion and sits next to me, looking at his dick. All I can do is watch, unable to do as I wished during all the time he was fucking me. Unable to stand and kill him, kill....kill, that's the only word that goes in my mind. I don't even know how to do it, but there must be a way. Where is my dog ? I manage to get on my knees, head low and arms trembling. I look around and I don't see him anywhere. I don't understand and I am afraid that I might have lost him. My parents are going to kill me. I will be punished, I am scared. I am dirty, cold, and my butt hurts, I can't stop crying. He gets closer to me but I back away and put my arms around me knees, crying all the tears that I can.

He seems pained, his look is one of pity. I don't know...He dresses up and tells me that I should do the same. I don't move at all. He asks if I want to lick his cock clean. I don't answer, I don't move, I don't look at him. He walks away from me and I finally dress up. I am standing up, but all I can do is look around for my dog.

I see fog all around. The man and I walk back, back where I will be safe. He talks, but I don't listen. I hear noise, I see fog. Finally, I hear my dog. He had gone for a peaceful walk in the woods and came out from some trail. I don't hold him responsible for not helping me. He is free, he is a dog, I love him. I take his leash and I walk. He is no more free.

When we get back to where we met earlier this morning, he asks if I will be okay. I don't answer or even look at him. He adds that I should go and take a shower. I nod.

We seperate our own way and I get into the house. People are not in the kitchen, and I am very happy about it. I hurry out in my room and close the door, my legs are shaking. I took off my skirt and panties and I see what I dreaded, blood. I start crying again. I dare to touch at my ass, but it hurts too much that I take my hand off it right away. I go the bathroom with new clothes to put on. I stay in the bathroom for 2 hours straight. When I get out, my mom asks me if I am okay.

"Of course mom, why?" I say, with my usual big smile.

"Nothing darling, you were in the bathroom an awful long amount of time. And your eyes are puffy. Did you cry?"

"No...well yes, a bit. See, I went for a walk with Saga (Our dog) and I tripped in the woods. Nothing bad though" and as I speak, I have that overly huge sensation that I am going to puke. Moreover, I feel like the lie is killing something inside of me. I keep smiling, but all I think is " Help me, please...help me. I am so sorry mom, forgive me, forgive me"

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End of story.

The man in the story must have been in his 30's, it was hard to say.

Thank you

[LustAndLuxury]

That's so strange.

I re-read an old post from Abused Wife .... when I first came on this website. And the more I read it, the more I understand that it was the beginning of the revelation of my true rape story.

When I posted that message last year, I felt very depressed and it was probably a need for me to write down what happened without accepting to reveal the complete story.

[Akirana]

i'm sooooo sorry for all you guys >.<
and what i think is the most sad of all is that the parents would rather believe the other... then there own kid or make there kid feel guilty for what had overcome them. i think that that is being raped for a second time by the people that should have believed you and loved you infinatly.
anyways... i can't imagine how hard it must have been on all of you... and i think you are brave, honerable and admirable for posting your story in this thread.

i'm also a believer of thoughts become things... cause i've noticed that in my life quite a bit... so i hope you can overcome all those feelings and love yourself for who you are! cause i think that you are all beautifull, even tho i've never seen any of you. and i want to say that i hope you can feel joy in your life even tho what has hapened to you so you'll attract joyfull things into your life!

*BIG hugs to all of you!*

Akirana

see, i won't give details.but at 14 i was sexually assaulted by an older guy who went to my school.
i want to say that there was NO penetration, people seem to think "oh, then why are you so depressed about it?" bullshit. he went too far, and it was definitely forced. but i have no doubt in my mind that he wouldv'e raped me if i didnt push him off of me after a while.
to be honest, the aftermath was somewhat more traumatic than the attack itself-he had every single one of my "friends" on his side. i was told everydAy that i was a lying bitch who just wanted attention and sympathy for something "that you know never happened".i even found out a few weeks ago that my mom told my father that i was over-exaggerating and thought i was lying.so there you go...motherly love.
depression, 2 years of therapy, cutting, drugs, doing things with my body around men i'd never do today just to get a fucking cigarette!-it took a toll on me.
again, i wasn't technically raped. but i don't care. it was just as traumatic because it WAS forced, i WAS held down, and he was holding my wrists together. i DID get bruises, i was violated, and he forced my jeans open.
if that's not supposed to traumatize me, then i'm sorry, people. i must be strange.

all of the stories on here touched me, i'm sorry to all the girls on here who went through what they did;/.

[cryptic]

In a way, i would love to post the full story here.

But i won't.

There were some minor incidents way back at the beginning of high school...nothing deadly serious; just one particular group of jerks whose teasing sometimes went way beyond the norm...like chasing me through the bushland and threatening to rape me...i hid in a ditch in the blazing sun for an hour, hiding from them, before going back onto school grounds when i was sure they'd gone.
i cried when the science teacher yelled at me for running off school property.
i was too ashamed to tell him that i'd been running away from those guys; i thought he'd think i was disgusting.

So i never told anyone.

Except on this messageboard here, just now.

There were a few incidents like that, because of those guys...i know they're not all that serious, but it sucks to have been keeping it inside for all this time.

Oh, and i have been raped for real.
But i won't go there.
Too serious...really can't handle dwelling right now.



Anyways...just wanted to say that i read a few of your stories, and i am so sorry that everyone's had to go through this.
(((Hugs))) to anyone who needs them...

And Jasmine...your story made me so sad.
i mean, obviously what happened to you should never, ever, ever have happened...
...But it did, and so your parents should have loved you and cherished you and listened to you, and had sympathy, even more than ever...i'm sorry if i cause offense by saying that about your parents...i'm not trying to be mean, it's just that it broke my heart to hear the way you were treated, instead of being given the love and support that kids need after something so awful.

that's serious stuff, cryptic-i started getting harassed in SEVENTH GRADE. (talk about guys starting early...)
this one guy, every single day, would tell me he wanted to do stuff to me, he'd follow me in the halls making moaning noises, stuff like that. i remember one day i bent over to pick up my friend's school ID she had dropped, and he went "damn, i wanted to hump your ass. bend over again." i whipped the ID across his face so bad, he had a red mark the whole day. he started screaming that he was gonna get me, but i didnt care anymore.
in 10th grade a kid in my class said, pretty loudly, that i was his and i couldn't suck his cock anymore since i didnt give him a CD to brrow (he said it in front of EVERYONE), and that same year, my drama teacher said some pretty disturbing things to me.

i'm sorry you went through that in school, and i'm sorry you went through a real rape. i hope you can be able to tell your story to someone some day, just take your time*hugs*

[Joanna]

Originally Posted by Number7

When I was a kid I used to go over to my friends house and his older brother would come down when we where playing and get us to play a "game" where we took off our cloths...

Then he used to tell us that it was really important to have a clean butt, and if we didn't we might die... we got really scared, so when he told us he could "test it" we stupidly believed him.

I think you can guess what he did...

It was sick, disgusting and showed how stupid myself and my friend where, we where only seven though, but still...

It's hard to put it down to someone else's fault when you didn't even resist because you thought you where doing the right thing...

oh heck you were seven you didn't resist and thought you were doing the right thing because childhood is the time for learning not knowing.
you didn't know it was wrong because you couldn't know it was wrong you were not stupid you were simply seven. .
the guilt is not yours it belongs to the person who exploited your innocence.

[AWDracer]

Originally Posted by hornybisexualbitch

My Real Rape Experience
1st experience

When I was four years old I was with my dad?s side of the family, at this time my mom and he had shared custody, he had had to go somewhere, and he left me at his ( I presume) sister?s house. I don?t know his family, I barely remember my grandma on that side, grandpa dead. Anyway I was told to go with their son to help him pick eggs from the hens. It hen house was small holding about 10 chickens or a little more, and was over a slight hill, big enough that if you were on your knees you couldn?t see us. When we got over the hill him and I began to pick eggs, then without warning he shoved me some, told me to get on my knees. I said no, that I didn?t want too. He told me that if I didn?t he would push me down. So I got down on my knees, he pushed my shorts down and my panties, then he spread my legs a little and entered me from behind, I don?t remember the pain but I do remember the fire ants biting my hands and knees, they stung, but again I don?t remember the pain I kept asking to get up, because the ants were hurting me, he just kept going, I don?t remember crying or screaming, but just wanting to get up, away from the ants. Then I remember seeing an older man watch this boy rape me, he watched and did nothing, then turned around and walked toward the yard.
When the boy was done, I got up and fixed myself. The next thing I remember is sitting in a chair, while three women, look at me, and say ?Why did you let him do that to you?? They blamed me, all I could say was I didn?t know. I felt bad. I don?t know if they told my dad.

2nd experience

When I was 6 going on 7, my mom couldn?t afford daycare for my little brother (almost 2) and me to go to daycare, so she found a babysitter. Normally it was just us two; occasionally there were a couple more children. I remember the place being nasty, one day a big thick white worm crawled on the floor my brother an d I were sitting on. One morning when my mom brought us over, it was quite early, I was still tired. So I laid on the couch and feel asleep, I woke up and the babysitter?s husband was sitting there with me, leaning over me. I remember him kissing my neck, and licking my ears, holding me. He told me that he loved it when I moaned for him. His name was Mark, I remember because he was some sort of a mechanic, his name on a white patch on his blue work suit shirt. He wore jeans. Every morning we were brought early, he would be there to touch me through my clothes and kiss me. One day on the weekend before he went to work, he sat with me, and touched my under my clothes, and put my hand in his pants and asked me to rub him. He told me that this was ok, and that the reason I couldn?t say anything about us touching, not even to my friends, was because some adults didn?t like it, and thought it was nasty, and he would get picked on.
One day he decided to kick it up a notch, he didn?t have to work this day, and it was the weekend, me and him were the only ones awake, he put in a video, and asked me to watch it with him, as it came on, I saw a nude man standing beside a bed, a woman on her knees kneeling before him, she began to suck him off and he was moaning loud, the man came on her, and all in her mouth, I remember Mark sitting there talking about how much she liked it, and that I would too. Mark was sitting there touching me, as the video went on, when the video went off, he asked me to try to do what she had done. He stood up, and unzipped his jeans, he fell out of his jeans, then he took my hand and put it over him, moving my hand with his hand, then told me to put my mouth on it, I did. After a little bit, precum began to ooze out. It scared me; I asked him if I could get pregnant by this, I don?t know how I knew that was how you got pregnant. He laughed and said no, that he had to go up here, and then he moved and went inside my panties, touching me. I began to suck him off again, he kept pushing my head down, and I didn?t like it, every time I tried to pull up, he wouldn?t let me. Later that day, or maybe another day I remember him holding me in the air, my shirt was up, and he was licking my tiny breast, when I leaned back more, he began to put his fingers down my panties, and trying to touch me.
One day I was to stay with the babysitter?s husband for the afternoon, she had to go shopping, but my brother being a baby, went with her. Mark took me into a room and closed the door, he told me to lie on the bed. I got up on the bed, because it was a high bed, the room was right by the front window, we could see out, he was watching for his wife to come back. He went over me, and pulled my shirt up, and began to lick my nipples. Then he pulled down my panties, and began to lick me, after licking me, he stuck a finger in me, I withered. He didn?t stop, and then began to rub my body, he pulled out his dick and rubbed it on my entrance, then he heard a car, and his wife was pulling up. So he stopped and quickly zipped up, and got my back dressed, and headed in the room.
One of the last times I remember him abusing me, he didn?t get the chance to. He was lying in bed, and I had gotten in trouble, I had to lay on the floor in her room, and he was laying on the bed, he saw that I came in and told me, to come up there with him, I said that I couldn?t, because she might come in, he told me to come up there, and he sounded mean, somehow without him telling me, I knew what he wanted, I said no, because I couldn?t get pregnant, that my mom would get mad at me( I was 6 remember). He had told me before that he wanted to ?fuck me?, he was taking me to school and as we were riding in his truck, and he looked out sideways , saw the woods, and told me that he wished he could take me to the woods and have me, instead of taking me to school. My brother and I left this babysitter's because we were moving to go live with my mom?s ex husband; I never told about what the babysitter did to me.

3rd experience

At 11 years old my mom?s friend introduced her to one of her friends, a male that was 45 or 46 and recently out of prison for raping an elderly woman, and robbing her house, - this my mom didn?t know till later.
As I grew older I grew a ?6th sense? if that is what you would like to call it. Certain men gave me funny vibes, whether I walked by them o the street, in a store or whether meeting them, I had funny vibes about men I thought were abusers. When I met this man, I will name him Jon, he keeps staring at me, and talking to me, I didn?t like him to begin with because he sent off the funny vibes, so I was shy. I didn?t say much to him. Later on he and my mom got together and he moved in with us, me, my mom, and my younger brother. For a while things were fine, but he still gave me the creeps, then one night I was laying in bed dreaming of someone touching me, I tried to move away, and woke up to realize that he was touching me, the reason I was dreaming of it. I was so scared that I just froze, I then just relaxed and tried to act like I was asleep, I tried to slow my breathing, and snore just a little. He kept touching me, fondling my breast, and rubbing me through my panties. Then he left. I sat there and was scared to death. The next morning I acted like nothing was wrong, and nothing had happened, thinking maybe it was a dream. Then that night he came again, I was awake, because I was scared, again I tried to act asleep, he began to touch me, and rub me again, then he kissed me, I tried to pull away but I didn?t want to give away that I was awake, I was so frightened. Then as he was rubbing me, his finger slip beside my panties, into me, I wanted to cry, but I didn?t. As the nights grew on, he began to do more and more, eventually he would jack off, or take my hand and make me jack him off, and then rub the cum on his dick onto his fingers and rub me with it, so open me up, so after he left every night, when I was sure he was in bed, I would get up and go to the bathroom and wipe myself crying to get him out of me. Then one night he started talking to me, I thought what a moron, I am asleep supposedly why is he talking to me, he was telling me to put my mouth on his dick, I was this night I knew he knew I wasn?t asleep, but as best as I could I tried, he pushed my head down over his dick, and pushed my head back and forth. When he pulled me back it was because I wasn?t doing it right, because I was acting to be asleep. He left me alone. Every night for months he would come in my room and molest me before or after his shower, while my mom was already asleep. One night my worst fear came true, or I thought it would, he was laying there with me, and all the sudden instead of laying beside me, he got over top of me, he had just got don?t getting me to jack him off, he rubbed his dick head against my pussy lips, and spread me, he did this for a while, then he hesitated and got off me, he laid there and rubbed his cum into me, I felt sick. When he left I cried, I had been so sure he would rape me that night, but he didn?t.
My little brother was born with a club foot, and they had to go to a check up, and a special hospital in SC, for him, I was left alone with my stepdad for the day. I was in my room and he came in, sometimes at night when we were laying there I was awake when he came in, I would let him know, so maybe he wouldn?t do anything, but he would get in the bed, and say ok let?s play a game. He would ask me where I was ticklish, and try to find the spot, when I laughed he would play on that spot, but a lot of the times he would do it right by my private parts, which I am ticklish at, so he thought I liked it. Another thing he would do is called a big hug. He would put me on top of him; the right parts over him, sometimes bouncing me on him or rubbing me on him. Well that day he laid beside me in my bed and started talking about my dad, he told me that he would never try to take his place, I just acted like I wasn?t listening, then he pulled me over, and asked me to give him a big hug, I hugged him like a normal hug, and tried to get away, he was like now that is not a big hug, I got up and said that I wanted to go play. That evening I came home- we lived in a trailer park, and I was outside all day- and told him that I was staying at a friend?s house, he got mad, and said I wasn?t. then I hollered back that I was because I didn?t feel comfortable staying there with him, it was just us too, my friend was outside, then boom, he smacked me so hard that I feel, crying and trying to get away, I told him to leave me alone, and I was telling mom when she got back, he said fine I will tell her you didn?t ask to leave. Then I walked out, and went with my friend, she asked me what was wrong, because I was still crying, and my face was bruised. I told her about what he did, and what he did at night. When my mom got home I told her the story but he told a different one. I then told her I wasn?t comfortable staying with him, she asked why , and I broke down and told her what he did at night, I was confused and scared, and told bits and pieces, she thought I was lying, she brought over a friend and made me tell her again. Then she said that it wasn?t right for me to lie, and that this could ruin his life, I tried to tell her I wasn?t lying, but she didn?t believe me. Then she brought him in the kitchen too, and made me say it again, I was scared, and didn?t want to. Then he sat there and looked at me, and said ?____ you know I would never hurt you, why would u say something like that?? later my mom told me that I was grounded for lying, and that maybe if I couldn?t talk to my friends that I would learn to not lie about something so important.
After a while about 2 weeks later I was in the house and my mom had told me I couldn?t have any candy, I was still being punished, he was in there, and eating some, he held out his hand to give me some then was like ?No I can?t give you any, you will just tell on me again.? After this I was sure that he really had molested me, for a while I made myself believe that it was a dream, but I knew it wasn?t.
To this day my mom still doesn?t believe me, and they are married now, and I hate him more than ever.

Please please, if you get off on my story, do not tell me, i dont want to know.

Fuck.

Me being horny over rape fantasy is one thing but I'm not sure if I could truly get off over a "real rape". I really wish someone was there for you so that these memories would fade away more efficiently but I guess that's not how it works. If you were to tell me all that, I'd believe you no doubt about it (and besides why would anyone want to make up a story where the family members took advantage of you; that's worse than getting raped by a stranger IMO).

My sincerest regrets that those things have happened to you and that I'm glad that you're able to retell the story while you're one piece (I mean that literally). You have been tremendously brave to conquer these obstacles.

[AWDracer]

Also, since I haven't truly caught up to this thread, I'm really surprised how you women were treated in the past. I really blame myself for not being at the right place at the right time because I would've taken a stand; I would've been the one who would've fought for the women (in the literal sense, and maybe a little bit on the romantic side haha). I was born and raised in an high-class neighbourhood where none of this exists, and very rarely were the girls ever left out on their own to be victimized by others. (sorry for the off-topic rant but it's relevant). The point is, why wasn't I (or anybody else like me there? DAMMIT.

Speaking of which, I remember only one incident where some kid did something to a girl (not sexual I don't think) in a playground and I said "leave her alone" and he did and she thanked me afterwards, but that was as close as me ever being a "hero" by any stretch of means.

Are noble knights dead in this era? I'd still like to be one but there's never any opportunity for me.

[pixie]

I've lurked for a while, so I thought I'd share my story.

I was a junior in high school, and I stayed after school for flag corps. practice. There was a basketball game later that night, so in between instead of going home I stayed at school in between practice and the game (my house was fairly far away). So I’m in this hallway with one of my friend’s brothers, and we’re mock wrestling. I’m losing, so I get up, laughing, and run down the hallway toward the band room. which is locked. There are doors that section this hall off, but they are propped open, at the other end of the hallway is the shop, but that room is locked too. After I enter the hallway I see the guy has followed me, and I hear the connecting doors swing shut. I frown, and I feel a little nervous- but I know this guy, he’s a basketball player, and his brother is my friend. I shake it off. Then he tackles me- my head hits the hard floor with a crack. I lay there dazed for a minute- and he already has my shirt pulled up. He makes comments about my body as he undresses me. Every time I try to get up, my head hits the floor as he shoves me back down. I struggle in earnest, but he pulls off my jeans and enters me anyway.
Afterwards, I get dresses, and as I get dressed he laughs and tells me he “takes great pride” in his victories, as if we had still been playing some stupid game, and goes to get ready for the upcoming game. Still dazed, head trauma sucks, I tell a friend, but they don’t seem to believe me. I tell my boyfriend later, and he makes some show about how he wants to know the guys name so he can kill him, but this makes me nervous (a year later when I finally do it for the first time by choice, he’s surprised when I don’t bleed. I can’t believe that he forgot.) I don’t tell anyone else. I become a cutter. My parents don’t notice I wear sweaters in July.
I’m ok now… but it still pisses me off a bit.

[cryptic]

Originally Posted by pixie

I've lurked for a while, so I thought I'd share my story.

I was a junior in high school, and I stayed after school for flag corps. practice. There was a basketball game later that night, so in between instead of going home I stayed at school in between practice and the game (my house was fairly far away). So I’m in this hallway with one of my friend’s brothers, and we’re mock wrestling. I’m losing, so I get up, laughing, and run down the hallway toward the band room. which is locked. There are doors that section this hall off, but they are propped open, at the other end of the hallway is the shop, but that room is locked too. After I enter the hallway I see the guy has followed me, and I hear the connecting doors swing shut. I frown, and I feel a little nervous- but I know this guy, he’s a basketball player, and his brother is my friend. I shake it off. Then he tackles me- my head hits the hard floor with a crack. I lay there dazed for a minute- and he already has my shirt pulled up. He makes comments about my body as he undresses me. Every time I try to get up, my head hits the floor as he shoves me back down. I struggle in earnest, but he pulls off my jeans and enters me anyway.
Afterwards, I get dresses, and as I get dressed he laughs and tells me he “takes great pride” in his victories, as if we had still been playing some stupid game, and goes to get ready for the upcoming game. Still dazed, head trauma sucks, I tell a friend, but they don’t seem to believe me. I tell my boyfriend later, and he makes some show about how he wants to know the guys name so he can kill him, but this makes me nervous (a year later when I finally do it for the first time by choice, he’s surprised when I don’t bleed. I can’t believe that he forgot.) I don’t tell anyone else. I become a cutter. My parents don’t notice I wear sweaters in July.
I’m ok now… but it still pisses me off a bit.

Pixie, that's awful!

Have you told anyone? Seen a counsellor?
Sounds like you really need some support with this.

[pixie]

Thanks cryptic,
I'm a bit older now, enough time has passed that I really don't think about it often, but when I do it is still upsetting.

[someguy]

aww, I really wanna hug anyone. I can see how my friends are suffering. one of them says that she doesnt likes kissing. she is a tomboy so anyone would expect that from her, but I think that she doesnt likes kissing because of what happened to her.

*hugs*

[Joanna]

This thread inspired me to write this little poem for the victims of rape child abuse and other sex crimes.



FOR THE VICTIMS OF RAPE CHILD ABUSE AND OTHER SEX CRIMES.

FOR THE VICTIMS

SEEMS THER PAIN LASTS FOR SUCH A LONG TIME
AFTER THE COMMITING OF ANOTHERS SELFISH CRIME
AND THE WORLD REACTS IN WAYS WITHOUT REASON OR RYME

SO MANY PEOPLE REACT IN A WAY THATS LOGICALLY THIN
SO MANY TRYING TO MAKE THEM FEEL THE GUILT FOR ANOTHERS SIN
SO MANY OF THEM KEEP THEIR STORY SECRET FEELING THEIR NEVER WIN

BECAUSE SOME HAVE TREATED THEIR TALE AS UNREAL
DISREGARDING THEIR PAIN THAT THE REST OF US CAN NEVER REALLY FEEL
THEIR FEELINGS AND SELF WORTH CRUSHED UNDER OTHERS HEARTLESS HEEL

WHILE OTHERS HAVE ACTED AS THOUGH ITS THEM TOO BLAME
FOR THE ACTS THAT SHOULD SHOULD BE ANOTHERS SHAME
OTHERS HAVE HEARTLESSLY TREATED IT AS JUST A GAME

ITS SAD TO SEE THE VICTIMS CONFIDENCE AND SELF WORTH WILT
UNDER FEELINGS OF SUCH HORRIBLY MISPLACED SELF GUILT
INDUCED BY JUDGEMENTS AND VALUES FROM A TWISTED TILT

OTHERS THINK THEY HAVE SOME RIGHT
TO BLAME THEM CUZ THEY DIDN'T FIGHT
BUT LIFE IS A THING SO PRECIOUS AND DEAR
SO WHAT RIGHT DO OTHERS HAVE TO JUDGE A VICTIMS REACTION TO FEAR

OTHERS THINK ITS THE VICTIMS FAULT IF THEY ACTED WILD
SOME WILL EVEN BLAME THE VICTIM IF THEY ARE A CHILD
SOME VICTIMS FEELING GUILT THINKING THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
FEELING THE GUILT THAT BELONGS ON THE ONE WHO USED AND ABUSED HER

SOME VICTIMS EVEN TURN THEIR SUFFERING INTO A FANTASY ON WEBSITES
SOME WILL JUDGE THEM AS WRONG FURTHER WANTING TO STEAL THEIR RIGHTS
BUT DOING THAT HAS MADE THEM FEEL AT LAST FREED TO TELL THEIR STORY
TO TALK ABOUT THE ACTS THAT HAVE HAUNTED THEIR PERSONAL HISTORY


THEIR THE ONES PAYING FOR OTHERS SINS SO WHO ARE WE TO SAY
HOW THEY SHOULD DEAL WITH THE TERRIBLE PRICE THEY HAVE HAD TO PAY
FOR THE ACTS OF A PERP WHO SAW THEIR LIVES AS SOMTHING WIITH WHICH TO PLAY
INSTEAD OF JUDGING THEM THE WORLD SHOULD ADMIRE THEIR COURAGE FOR BEING ABLE TO DEAL WTH THEIR PAIN EACH DAY.

ITS NO ONE ELSES RIGHT TO JUDGE HOW THEY DECIDE TO DEAL
WITH THE EVERLASTING PAIN WITH WHICH THEY HAVE TO FEEL
OVER THE ACTS OF ANOTHER WITHOUT A SOUL OR A HEART
ACTS FOR WHICH THE VICTIM WRONGLY FEELS GUILT FROM THE START

NO ONE ELSE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE THEIR JOURNIES OF DISCOVERY
OR THE THINGS THEY DO TO AID THEM ON THEIR WAY TO RECOVERY
MAYBE THEIR JUST TRYING TO COME TO TERMS ABOUT A HURT SO STRONG IT CAN MAKE THEM FEEL THE GUILT WHEN ITS ANOTHER IN THE WRONG

[Beardy]

I have read this thread some times, although I’m afraid I’ve missed some posts. Anyway, I must say that all you have shared your experiences are very brave. I hope you’ve recovered from such experiences. I have to say that Jasmine you’re the bravest for breaking the ice.

Well, it’s very difficult to me talk about my experience about real rape. Actually, and fortunately, it wasn’t real rape as I have read in this thread. It is real attempted rape.

I was 16 and it was my first high school year. I had to walk 20 minutes from home to high school. One side it was a park. The other side had 200 meters of abandoned warehouses and unpaved streets coming to it.
I have to say that I was the typical troubled teen unhappy with her body I was a bit fat, with big brown paste glasses and short hair. Boys didn’t look at me but if they wanted to joke. I tried to be funny and have friends, but don’t say a word about a boyfriend. All the boys I liked rejected me.
I was sure I was fat and ugly, so there wasn’t any boy I was going to date. Never dating nobody, never been kissed … That was hard for a 16 years old girl.

One day on my way back home I was assaulted. It was winter, February, so it was dark when I left classes in the afternoon. I was dressed according to the weather: thick wool pantyhose, denim knee-long skirt, t-shirt, wool jumper and a coat. I think it wasn’t a sexy outfit.
A boy grabbed me and put a knife in my throat. There wasn’t anybody around. He took me through an unpaved street. The first he made me do was give him my shoes, so I wouldn’t run away, he told me. He took me to a dark place completely out of sight. He threw away my glasses. He stole my watch, earrings and money. He thought it was too few; he forced me to take off my coat and give it to him. He lifted up my skirt and touched my thighs, bottom and crotch over my pantyhose. I was crying, completely horrified. He pressed the knife against my throat. He also touched my breasts over my jumper. He kissed me and said to me things like: “You’re pretty, gorgeous. You have a great pair of tits. I like your butts”.
He forced me to take off the jumper and the t-shirt I was wearing below. Then he ripped off my bra with the knife. He touched my breast as he got the knife in them. He mauled my breasts a long time. It seemed an eternity to me. I was crying and begging him to stop it. The thing that scared me the most was that he used his knife to touch my nipples.
That was the first time a boy kissed me and touched me and it was really disgusting. I was sure I was to be raped.
He grabbed my hair as he put his knife in my throat again and said: “Now take off your pants”. I was so afraid that I took my skirt off in a second.
When I was going to take off my tights I was saved in the last minute. A car came through and as the lights flashed he run away. I dressed quickly, looked for my glasses and shoes, and went home running as fast as I could. Anyway, I didn’t tell anybody that I suffered a rape attempt. I just told that it was a hold up. I hid the bra and threw it to the garbage.


This experience made me feel estrange feelings. Although I was an ugly duckling I found out that men can also feel sexual attraction for me. As I’ve said no other boy had touched me before. That boy was the first one that saw my breasts.
The conclusion I had was that if I were to be an easy girl, probably boys would date me. Those were my thoughts. Of course I felt guilty about that. Did I really prefer to be raped than no boy looked at me? When you are 16, fat and think you’re ugly as a witch, the answer sometimes was yes, and I felt ashamed for that. I didn’t want to be raped. I was really scared.

When I was 18 I discovered that rape fantasy excites me. I felt guilty for that.
I have fantasies about being raped in similar circumstances. A psychologist that I went to therapy with, told me it was a self defence way to face the memories. I fantasize about the boy finishes the rape. Now I don’t feel guilty about that.
I live my sex in a natural way now, which includes rape fantasies and role play rape.

Well, very people knew this before. Now I’ve shared with my friends in Rape Board. I hope this post will help somebody.

[Tanya]

;lj';k;k;k';lk';k';k;k;klkhh

[soulless]

I'm not sure what I expected from this site. I was determined not to judge anyone on here and I was pleasantly surprised by both the forum rules and the way it is moderated.

But I am confused. I don't deny being aroused by roleplay and the concept of fantasy rape. I believe the biggest sexual organ we all possess is our brain and often the thought of the scenario is the real stimulus.

But threads like this cause some conflict for me. Nothing wrong with the thread, it has been handled sensitively and I understand people's needs to talk about real rape experience and their desire to speak out to help others. I just wonder how Jasmine and Tanya and the other women on here must feel about the 'roleplay' sections where people get aroused acting out a story similar to an incident which to them was traumatic.

Don't get me wrong. I understand the distinction. I even understand how some women on here may find some solace in sex that has been 'moulded' should we say by other experiences in their life. I mean as long as they are happy, I guess that is all that should matter.

Bottom line I just wonder if this is a conducive environment for a woman who has been raped. I feel concerned that she should feel that sex should be "that way" just because of something beyond her control that happened.

I don't know if I am getting through here. I'm not criticizing the site, nor anyone on it. I feel the concern here. I guess I was surprised or even shocked to find real victims on a site that I assumed dealt only in fantasy and I am struggling to understand why some women find comfort on here amongst stories and scenarios which although not necessarily disrespectful, nevertheless depict as erotic, scenarios which those women must clearly find difficult or painful, having been through what they have.

I would really like it if any of the women on here could explain it to me. It doesn't need to be on the open forum, but I thought maybe given how supportive everyone has been in this thread that this might be a good forum to use. I would be open to PMs if you prefer.

Paul.

Originally Posted by soulless

I don't know if I am getting through here. I'm not criticizing the site, nor anyone on it. I feel the concern here. I guess I was surprised or even shocked to find real victims on a site that I assumed dealt only in fantasy and I am struggling to understand why some women find comfort on here amongst stories and scenarios which although not necessarily disrespectful, nevertheless depict as erotic, scenarios which those women must clearly find difficult or painful, having been through what they have.

I would really like it if any of the women on here could explain it to me. It doesn't need to be on the open forum, but I thought maybe given how supportive everyone has been in this thread that this might be a good forum to use. I would be open to PMs if you prefer.

Paul.

Firstly it does not have to be a women to answer this, someone being either a victim or a attacker close to you can have has much effect on you and make you a secondary victim.

But in short to answer your question, sometimes we seek understanding and obtain understanding by going back to visit the darker periods of our life, hence why some real victims are on here, to seek understanding.

[Tanya]

Yeah, well, im being completely ignored everywhere so people here obviously dislike me now and think im some bullshit liar or something

i don't know why i bothered

shrugs

[ego]

I dont dislike you, nor i think you are liar....
I only think you have some nervous brake outs now and then that you cant control....