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Old 08-14-2009, 12:14 AM   #21
Flesh4Fantasy
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Originally Posted by gaggirl View Post
lifes a real struggle at times. its beautiful too, like days today when its sunny and a stiff wind is billowing the palms and bamboos, doors are wide open, I'm all by myself with no clothes on, the budgies are chirping and kissing eachother, and my little brown oriental cat chooses to snuggle up next to me at the keyboard rather than be anywhere else.
Smart cat.

But gaggirl's right. You go back and forth between highs and lows - that's human. Sometimes you take a step forward and two steps back - that's life.

Other times bad stuff just seems to happen that is out of your control. You may feel like the universe is punishing you. But the universe is impartial.

Something I tell myself to put it into perspective that the universe is not out to get ME personally, that it is just random bad shit falling down to land wherever...

"It's simply the natural perversity inherent in the universe." Try it. It makes the bad stuff seem less targeted.

*not jealous of a cat, I'm NOT*
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Old 08-14-2009, 12:19 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Flesh4Fantasy View Post
Seriously back on topic - what I was going to write...

1) Point out that if you have made an attempt at suicide that is more serious than persistent thoughts... But if you feel compelled to answer that is prying and this is not the place for details... If you have not, maybe you are depressed right now and see that as a dare so you will be taken more seriously... So I erased that one.

2) Say that I have had thoughts about suicide at different times in my life and that it may be considered normal in some ways... But I'm not an expert, so what do I know... You may not believe me, I could post anything... Don't want to encourage these thoughts and have you dwell on them... So I erased that one.

3) Cliched advice on waiting till things seem better or your life will turn around... No one wants to hear that shit, either... Sounds condescending and dismissive... So I erased that one.

But again, 4)I think the best advice for you tonight is that RB will not answer your questions...
1) Was never really an option in my mind... Cause i don't really want to be dead lol...

2) I also think that alot of people do have thoughts about it... maybe to some degree it is normal when your pretty much stuck in life and have alot of pain in your mind and heart...
I'm pretty gullable and call me naive but i assume that if somebody tells me something it should be true... otherwise it's lieing to me and to yourself in a way...
3) It's might be cliche... but it's true lol
Life eventually will get better again.
Even if a person like me has no particular goal in life (big part of my problem atm) I still know that if i keep the goodness in my heart... good things will happen to me
4) I was never really looking for advice in the first place
It was merely an observation and was wondering if anybody had the same ideas on this as me... ^^

Thanks for sharing


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Originally Posted by gaggirl View Post
lifes a real struggle at times. its beautiful too, like days today when its sunny and a stiff wind is billowing the palms and bamboos, doors are wide open, I'm all by myself with no clothes on, the budgies are chirping and kissing eachother, and my little brown oriental cat chooses to snuggle up next to me at the keyboard rather than be anywhere else.

even in times like this, there is a kind of melancholy as if its too beautiful or too fake or too elusive to retain and a feeling of guilt that Im not out ther sweating and working.
or maybe I just analyse shit too much

I would never harm myself or intentionally put myself in harms way, but there are moments when I return to the black hole and wonder why I fooled myself into thinking I made an inroads into my life long goal of finding peace self acceptance within me and made an impact on the outside world.

all the times I see signs of growth. sometimes it seems its not enough.

Ending life is never the answer.

Nothing could ever be that bad. Losing a child would be the only thing I can imagine would make you seriously think twice.
I know that beautiful feeling too
Recently it's been hard to come back to that point though.
So much stuff that's going on... blegh lol
when I read:
the like days today when its sunny and a stiff wind is billowing the palms and bamboos, doors are wide open, I'm all by myself with no clothes on, the budgies are chirping and kissing eachother, and my little brown oriental cat chooses to snuggle up next to me at the keyboard rather than be anywhere else.

I could so totally imagine that in my head and how peaceful it seems
made me feel at ease again so thank you for that ^^
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Old 08-14-2009, 12:36 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Flesh4Fantasy View Post
*not jealous of a cat, I'm NOT*
I am a lil bit lol
I'd prolly do the same
though I do think I'm too big to fit next to a keyboard at 6'1"
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Old 08-14-2009, 12:46 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by Parisa View Post
aaahahahha u're always a step ahead of me, this can only mean u love it



sorryyyy
it's not a problem hun
I'm used to it already lol.
So what's this about your strap on?
Feel free to PM me all about it lol
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Old 08-14-2009, 01:56 AM   #25
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I've definitely had fleeting suicidal thoughts, like you, the fact that i'm 23 and have plenty of time to change things is a very motivational factor.

Additionally, i find it hard to believe in an after life, so death (in my mind just non-existence) isn't something i look forward to...

Also, whenever i think of suicide, it makes me feel like a pussy, like i would be completely giving up and taking the easy way out, and not just sucking it up. I know there are alot of people going through a lot worse things than i am, and they can suck it up, so why can't I?...

Finally, like you've already said, the people it would affect completely kill any thoughts i might have of suicide, suicide would feel to selfish...

(As has been said), I think when life turns to shit (as it does for everyone now and again), you just want everything to stop, this is when i have the fleeting thoughts of suicide, as i assume most people do, but, 'this too shall pass' is a phrase that has gotten me through a lot of life's bullshit.
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Old 09-22-2009, 01:51 AM   #26
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well i have to admit that i have as well had thoughts about suicide.... and my mothers constant nagging that i am to fat does not help either.... it gets to the point where i cant even walk over to a clothes store and i buy clothes that are far to big and baggy for me (giving the perception that i am alot bigger then i actually am eg men's size large or something)... i think that i am a "curvy" body type ... i mean i no that i aint a supermodel ... and i have a bit of the phat around my body lol ....

and to be honest .... i have tried suicide .... many times because of it .... people say "dont let her get to you" or "just shrug it off" bit after a few years of comparison to my thin sister and other women walking around the street around my age group and even chick in magazines it breaks you down .... and i am not to happy to say .. that i have been broken down

when i feel realli down and those suicidal thoughts float in ... i guess the only thing that keeps me going are the people that i love the most (which are my friends and mugga <3) and my little sister (since i class her as the only family that i have and if i died she wold have to carry all of the suffering by herself which i dont want her to carry)

and also one day that old bitch will hopefully burn in the depths of hell and never return to me
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:36 PM   #27
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There are alot of very interesting, well written thoughts in this thread. Mine probably wont measure up but here goes:

I think about suicide quite often. Not the kind of suicide where I jump off a bridge or use a gun. I think of a much slower, more natural kind....... just giving up on life.

You see, two years ago a suffered a major heart attack, one in which I only had a 5% chance of surviving (according to the doctors anyway). But I did survive, and ever since my life has become a major struggle to try and stay alive. It's a struggle I am slowly losing.

Since the heart attack I have had three other major hospital stays for various things. It seems that no sooner do I recover from one illness another rears it's ugly head. The latest being a series of pulminary embalisiums (blood clots in the lungs) that caused me to go into conjestive heart failure due to my lungs filling up with fluids. I was literially drownng. That also lead to kidney and liver failure.

Now my heart is finally failing altogether and I'll die soon without a transplant. Most days I want to fight, to keep going, but there are some days when I just want to throw in the towel, stop taking my meds and let nature take it's course.
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Old 09-23-2009, 03:39 AM   #28
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There are alot of very interesting, well written thoughts in this thread. Mine probably wont measure up but here goes:
Thats not true lil-Mac every post is important ... wether it relates to the topic or not ....

i mean i am one of those people that continually goes off topic lol so you have nothing to fear lol

and also to add that your post overkilled mine lol..
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Old 09-30-2009, 11:10 PM   #29
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woo its rbs resident troll to harrass people about a serious subject!

...well, not really. in responce to the OP, yeah, i feel/felt like that a lot, and people can give the whole "valuable people in your life" thing but what happens when there really are none? its always easy for someone with positive things in their life to have that "shut up and keep going" kind of attitude, even people that were once in the same situation. people say "well youve got to have someone" well what if you dont? "then go out and meet people" well what if you cant? "keep trying" and it kind of loops there, but maybe there are reasons, you know? its hard to explain..

no one should ever claim that suicide is a waste of life, because it isnt, or not an answer, because it is. is it the correct answer? likely not. but it can be. is it honestly the humane thing to tell a guy like the fellow in the music video for One by metallica (yeah yeah, its a valid reference here shut up guys ) that suicide isnt the answer? look at the poor fucker, theres literally nothing left for him, hes a living corpse! and this is something that happens. is it a waste of life if you find out youve got ALS and dont want to live through the pain? i know its kind of off track from the whole emotional issue, but even so.

i guess the TL;DR here is dont be close minded about suicide, because it may just end up being a valid solution for you in the near or distant future. shit happens.
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:40 PM   #30
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You live in a country where prostitution is legal! Why would you consider suicide? I spent 1000 euros in 5 days last year in Amsterdam. It's such an awesome place. Cheer up and go fuck someone. That's the best therapy.
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:37 PM   #31
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You live in a country where prostitution is legal! Why would you consider suicide? .

LMAO god bless amsterdam !
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Old 04-20-2015, 06:53 AM   #32
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alright... so a couple years have passed and this is my conclusion of the discussions I've had, and of course getting older and still living with those thoughts:

1, The main consensus of discussions I've had is that most people say that it is taking the easy way out and saddling other people with your problems.
My opinion now-a-days is this: It might be weak to do it... but for the emotional part and not so much physical part... Is that it's not an easy feat to override your basic instinct of survival... maybe in a weird way even courageous...

2, My growth I guess you could call it, my grandma told me the other day that when I was like 10 years old I'd walk around mumbling and grumbling and saying I would rather die... 28, almost 29 now and sometimes still have the suicidal thoughts... but for the most part it evolved into: Well... If I'd die now... it would be alright... As long as doesn't happen by my own hand, it'll be alright...
I guess I just learned to live with it and carry on. Shit happens, it will continue to happen, and sometimes you even create it yourself... but time comes for us all eventually you know... and take solace in the fact that life is not eternal
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