The Real Rape Thread!

[kate2003]

Thank you skirt-fun,and i hope 2010 is a great year for you too.

[superdeathbeam]

I've never told anyone this but when I was younger I was molested by two of my older half sisters. I really don't know why I didn't say anything or if the even remember it.

When I was growing up my 3 half sisters would stay with their mom, but every once in a while they would stay with us. I don't remember who was the first, but I do remember them.

i'll start with my youngest half sister, she's still older then me, we'll call her sasha. I must have been around 10 or 11. She must have been around 14 or 15. Another important fact is that I'm adopted. I don't think any of this would have happened if I had blood relations with them. Back to the story though. I made a deal with sasha that if she helped me with my chores I would be her slave for 2 hours. As you can guess we both agreed. I probably helped clean her room but after that we both were in her room.

Since I was her slave I had to do what she said. She told me to take off my clothes which I did. I was left with. What ever superhero underwear I had on at the time. She took off all of her clothes. I couldn't help it I did have an erection. Sasha told me to get into her bed which I did. She told me to kiss her which I did. She told me to hump her. I obeyed. I don't know why but I kind of enjoyed it.

It wasn't till she told me to take off my underwear that I said no. Sasha told me that I was her slave. After I said no sasha told me that if I did I didn't have to her slave anymore if I did. I still said no. After she realized I wasn't going to do it she made me go back to making out with her while humping her. She probably still got some arousal from it.

I don't remember what I did for the rest of my sentence but I do remember her telling me not to tell.

I have to go now but I already feel a burden lifted

[LustAndLuxury]

...and I still cannot undergo a normal sexual life with a male.

****WARNING***** = Real rape story. Very graphic, and yet, no roleplay.

When I first join this website, I wrote down my rape experience that occured when I was 15 years old. I turned 30 this year and it seems like I am still trapped back then... in the forest... unable to achieve the goal of receiving "gentle" sexual affection from my partners.

I know, that this site isn't for counselling, that there isn't any psychiatric or any specialists that can answer my questions... yet, I feel like confessing here instead of telling everything in front of a full fledged shrink.

2 years ago, I began a one-sided relationship with my neighbor. One-sided because he was never interested in me really... He never shut his door on me, but he never tried to come willingly by my side. Yet, during those years, I managed for the first time in my life, to open up completely, telling him every last details of my life, good or bad experiences. He knows everything...

I've heard so many times before the danger of opening up to someone, trusting them and relying on them. Therefore, I had always been careful during my conversations... But with him, I made an exception. I was deeply in Love for the first time in my entire life. Blinded and yet, I thought I was happy. Here is my story :

For the sake of confidentiality, I will only use his first name's first letter which is "S"

September 2009
------------
S and I have been hanging out for about 2 years now. During that time, he experienced two unsuccesful love stories. Simply put, he was rejected twice. That was the only moments where he called me and cried while I was trying to make him realize his pattern and what must be done in order for him to truely experience Love. Of course, by that time, I knew that he would never love me back...but I was still very fond of him and I would do anything to give him back this faint smile that he shows from time to time.

Most of the time we would spend hours talking, drinking beers and/or smoking weed. Sex was no more an issue. We had sex often throughout our first year, but then, seeing how he wasn't interested, I simply decided to stop sharing my mind and body in bed with him. Yet, it was fun to simply talk.

On September 2009, my other neighbor ( a female ) came to my place and we began chatting about her new "boyfriend" or at least, new potential. She had so many interrogation about males that I decided to invite S to our little meeting. The evening was going on smoothly, but I could see that S was having one of those days. S is a very shallow, negative, cynical and frustrated type of person. Yet, sometimes, he can shine enough to blind you and make you feel that he actually enjoys life. I can't tell why I fell in Love with him, but I did.

Either way, he wasn't in the best of mood. He kept being arrogant towards me and saying things like "Men are all liars. As long as they can get their nice daily fuck, they'll say anything to please you"... He kept saying all those "truths" about males and both, I and my neighbor girlfriend were listening both in disgust but also in acknowledgment... It is, after all, part of the truth for many males out there. But it's not always the case !!

It was about midnight, and S was getting more and more agitated. He planned out a scenario where my neighbor girlfriend would call her potential boyfriend, playing the lady in distress... basically, he wanted to mess up with everyone's mind. It worked. The potential boyfriend was on his way. Therefore, my neighbor girlfriend left in order to be ready for him.

S and I were alone. He stood up and looked down at me with a grin on his face. Grabbing my arms tightly, he made me stood up and kissed me with violence and passion. I pushed him away... adding that I didn't want that anymore. I didn't want to have sex with him. He pushed me back and began his non-sense speech about how my appartment decoration wasn't reflecting who I really was. His words were harsh, poisonious, destructive. My new appartment deco's was my 30th birthday gift from my Parents and therefore, I was deeply grateful to them. They came down from the country all the way to the city to put together a warm and cozy deco'ambiance. I was standing up, shocked by S's behavior and hatred towards my environment. I told him to leave me alone. He acted as if I wasn't really there. He kept going on and on, ranting about anything. Obviously, he had smoked weed and drank too much booze. So far, I wasn't afraid. I could feel his distress and hollowness. Gently, I grabbed his hands and led him slowly towards my door. I simply wanted him to leave and sober up... I didn't want our relationship to be spoiled by his behavior.

As we reached the door he took his hands off mine, grabbed my shoulders, pushed me against the wall and kissed me again. I couldn't move at first, I felt a chill down my spine and the memory of my first rape came back rushing. The brain is so powerful...it instantly made my whole body numb. I came back to my sense due to the lack of air. He was denying my rights to breath freely and I got scared. I fought back...that was the first time that I actually fought back when a male attempted to force himself on me. He fell on the ground and grabbed my legs in the process and I fell too. Spreading my legs in one swift movement, he straddled me like I was a nothing but a mere doll. My head had banged on the wooden floor so I was dizzy for a little while. I felt his hands all over me and his hard cock crushing against my inner thighs. I began crying, like a little girl... although I was all grown up and strong enough, I couldn't do anything, or so I thought. If you convince yourself that you are powerless, then it becomes your reality. When I saw him hovering over my body, when I looked in his eyes and when I saw his distorted smile I knew that he was going to rape me. Why him ? Why now...? After all the secrets that I shared with him...after all my confessions about my fear of men and my desire to become stronger... he was there, ready to destroy me, to crushed down the little hope that I had left. As you know by now, I trusted him more than I ever trusted anyone else. I looked away, unable to fight back anymore...

He took off my panties from under my skirt. Everything was but a blur because of my tears, but I remember everything. From the moment he unzipped his pants, to the point where he thrusted his dick deep down my dried vagina. I had a flashback at that moment... We were having a serious talk and I asked if he knew how far he could go with a female. Would he be able to force her to have sex with him... Back then, his eyes had locked on mine and he took time to phrase out his complete disgust for the male race and the fact that he would kill every last one of those bastards for taking advantage of their power over the female race. And yet... there he was...

After a while of none stop pounding, he lifted me from the floor and threw me on my bed. I assumed the foetal position, completely vulnerable and useless. It was as if he planned out everything from the beginning. He pulled on my hair to make me face him. I was still crying, unable to utter a sound. He looked right back at me... he wasn't doing anything else. I tried to free myself from his intense gaze, but I couldn't. Maybe, if I was able to hold it, he would finally realize what was happening. Instead, he laughed and began insulting me.

"So, how do you feel ? You hate this don't you ? You hate me right now... you hate me, but not enough. There's so many pretty girls at my University, all I have to do is choose and they'll suck me dry. So what if I've been rejected, it's not like I will settle for less... like choosing to go out with a dirty old bitch like you. Show me your ass, NOW !"

I didn't move. He slapped my face, over and over again. While I was trying to protect myself from the blows, he raised my legs up with his lower body and tried to aim at my ass. I trashed from side to side. My face was slammed violently against the mattress, followed by a crusiating pain. He rammed my ass without regards. He groaned desperately as he raped me. He completly turned berserk. My ass was rape for over 30 minutes...he was making sure to hold back from cumming. I always knew that somewhere deep inside, S was strongly evil, but to that extent...I never wanted to believe it. He kept insulting, raping, hitting, bitting, the whole FUCKING deal.

He finally gave my ass a rest, ready to cum I supposed but I was wrong.

Pulling my head straight and pinching my nose, he made his entry into my mouth. I thought so many times about bitting his disgusting cock, but I didn't. Why ?????? Because I am an idiot that's why... Deep down inside, I felt that I didn't want to hurt him, not even after what he made me go through.

His body was well settled over me so with both hands, he fucked my mouth as hard as he wanted. His cock kept reaching down my throat, giving me the nausea reflexe. I really thought I was going to die. My dinner came rushing back. A mixed of beer and meat, with the taste of my ass and his pre-cum. He got harder and harder inside my mouth, not bothering one bit about the fact that I had vomit stuck inside. Pulling my head further back, he straddled my face in complete extasy, groaning, moaning, rawling.

He finally stopped, but remained inside my mouth as he pulled my head away from my bed and finally pulled himself out. I puked on the floor... which is probably what he had in mind while pulling me away from the mattress.

The FUCKER never actually came. Why should I care anyway... but fuck !! Why making me go through all this then ?

He lay down on the bed, out of breath... I crawled out from the bed and gathered myself in a corner of my room... speechless, scared and wishing that he would have killed me.... I really wish he would have killed me...

It took a few minutes for me to gather some resemblance of "self" and whisper to him to get the fuck out of my appartment. He gave out a sry laugh while getting dressed up. He didn't even look at me while walking towards my door. I managed to stand up and follow him to the door. I couldn't say anything and he was surely not helping by reaching for the exit. I hit him, withoug thinking. Straight in the face with the back of my hand half closed. He grabbed my throat and squeeze instinctively. He let go right away, backing down. He wasn't smiling or laughing anymore.

"You want to hit me now ? Don't you think it's a bit too late for that ? You are completely fucked up. You'll never get into a normal relationship. You are complete damaged good and I showed you what is left for a male to do to you. You are the one who asks for us to treat you this way. I..."

I hit him again.

He easily grabbed both of my wrists and threatned me softly

"You want more is that it ? Don't you see !!!? This is what you are, what you became. Even though I made you suffer, even though I dishonored our relationship, there you are, still fisty, calling out for more. I will not kill you, if this is what you wish for. I can destroy you, but I will never kill you. You are not worth it"

He released me, opened the door and left.
---------------------

It's been 4 months now. The beginning of the new year didn't erase anything. I almost collapsed in December. I wanted to kill myself but at the last minute I called a friend and he came to cheer me out. Of course, I never told this story to anyone... But thanks to the internet, it is obviously possible to post your life without fear of being recognize truely... (unless you are dealing with a hacker or a well known computer individual) And S is neither of them.

My life is always fucked like this. I can't get anything straight, I keep flirting with males, rising their level of excitment, wishing for them to love me, but obviously, they'll only lust over me. I don't know how to love... I thought I knew how, when I met my neighbor, but this whole experience proved me wrong. Does it have to do with my past experiences or is it just me being unable to build meaningful relationships with males ? I don't know... there's no answers for now... all I can do is confess...confess the sins of others, confess my own sins... my own incapacity of living a normal life

E.

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Please forgive any mispelling or grammar mistakes. I normally speak and write in French
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[superdeathbeam]

My second oldest half sister, molested me on our family vacation. Well call her T. We were visiting our grandparents who lived a long ways away from where we lived. At night my sister and I would sleep in the same room. Well being kids we talked before we fell asleep.

One day I told her how I wanted this baby doll (yeah I know really gay) because it was like a real baby. She then said something about how we should make a real baby. I was all up for it not knowing at the time what that consisted of. Now looking back she might not have either. Either that or I blocked out any penetration from my mind.

All she knew at the time was that my penis needed to be hard so she played with my penis until it got hard. After that she would flick the head. I remember it hurt. I really don't remember cumming but I do remember her fondling me and then making me fondle her. I think that we continued with this nighttime ritual for at least a week. I grew to even enjoy it. But I remember I wasn't suppose to tell anyone. She told me it was our secret. All I know is that she was in control cause one day I told her I wanted to do what we did and she told me we shouldn't. Maybe she realized how bad it really was. I don't know but as a little kid I enjoyed it which makes me wonder if I was used.
as I think about it I can swear that this happened first.

[kimmy]

I just found this thread,i thought this was a no-no here,my parents were drunks,and very abusive,i don't remember a time when they weren't.
it got really bad when i was 14 and got caught with a neighbor,from that point till the time i ran away at the age of 16,they didn't even use my name anymore ,they called me whore or slut,i wasn't even allowed to wear panties or a bra at home"they were only for women,whores don't wear them" my family life was the classic sterotype trailer trash,i doubt they even owned the trailer,i know they didn't own the lot it was on.
i doubt he was my real father anyways,probably a guy my mother hooked up with when i was a baby,it wouldn't be a surprise if thats how she grew up too,i haven't had any contact with them since i ran away,they are dead too me,and they probably feel the same towards me.

[poluwuqe]

To soulless-

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that in my case something happened to me as a child and so I knew about rape before I knew about sex. By the time I was in college I had decided to research sites online. This lead to reading real and fake stories that made me react. At first it was disgust, then it lead to intrigue. I started watching porn about 2 years ago and the only type I cared for was rape. Eventually I started doing the talking role play with sex and maybe even rape. That lead to sex sites which lead to one night stands and eventually the first guy that did rape roleplay with me. He ended up raping me by breaking the rules we had both agreed to. That was a year ago. Right afterwards I was too sickened by the videos and too scared of the strangers to watch porn or meet new guys. But even though the role play lead to the rape, a few months later I was watching the rape videos again. Then some time after that I started checking out sites like these and reading the fake stories. So, like I said, I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case it's an addiction. Even though I know that I'm going to get depressed, cry, or get angry, I can't stop myself from watching the videos and reading the stories. The truth is that I don't want to stop doing that. I just don't want to feel like shit after everytime I do it. I don't know if that helps explain anything or not, but I thought I'd put in my 2 sense worth. If you're going to reply please don't say something cliche like "you're brave" or "I feel sorry for you". I'm not telling you for sympathy or any of that mushy crap, just so that maybe you can better understand.

[kimmy]

Originally Posted by Annika1717

To soulless-

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that in my case something happened to me as a child and so I knew about rape before I knew about sex. By the time I was in college I had decided to research sites online. This lead to reading real and fake stories that made me react. At first it was disgust, then it lead to intrigue. I started watching porn about 2 years ago and the only type I cared for was rape. Eventually I started doing the talking role play with sex and maybe even rape. That lead to sex sites which lead to one night stands and eventually the first guy that did rape roleplay with me. He ended up raping me by breaking the rules we had both agreed to. That was a year ago. Right afterwards I was too sickened by the videos and too scared of the strangers to watch porn or meet new guys. But even though the role play lead to the rape, a few months later I was watching the rape videos again. Then some time after that I started checking out sites like these and reading the fake stories. So, like I said, I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case it's an addiction. Even though I know that I'm going to get depressed, cry, or get angry, I can't stop myself from watching the videos and reading the stories. The truth is that I don't want to stop doing that. I just don't want to feel like shit after everytime I do it. I don't know if that helps explain anything or not, but I thought I'd put in my 2 sense worth. If you're going to reply please don't say something cliche like "you're brave" or "I feel sorry for you". I'm not telling you for sympathy or any of that mushy crap, just so that maybe you can better understand.

if you decide to meet someone again,i hope it turns out better,do be careful,i kinda know what you mean about being depressed or getting angry ,i'm new here myself and the pics where a bit of a shocker,lol.
my rapes took place over a 2 year period when i was 14,so i'm guessing i was quite a bit older than you were,and knew a little more.anyways,nice meeting you and i hope you find what your looking for here.

[Fla Force Fantasy Man]

WOW.....I don't post often but I wanted to offer a hug to the brave ladies on this thread who have decided to bring out their stories.

A couple of my former "playmates" that I role played with actually had it happen for real at some point in their lives. The role play allowed then to re act the experience BUT this time they had control over it.

I know there are other brave women reading this. There are just some things you can not say in front of a therapist. This thread may allow you to do that. I can never understand what you went through and what you go through now.

But I want to encourage you to talk to tell someone even if it is posting here. It was not your fault.

My hats off to all of you.

[Fla Force Fantasy Man]

Originally Posted by Reimagined

Hey guys, I'm Kera. I'm new here. So a lot of you don't know me, and I'm not quite sure what to make of this place as some of the things I've read on here scare me. But I guess after years of trying to find a proper outlet, it seems I have found myself here. I can understand the hesitancy of someone you've just met telling you their life story.

I have a lot of baggage from my life. (That fact alone might cause people to tune out). Like other stories, I've been reading throughout this thread...I feel this sense of shame and confusion that I've kept to myself for the longest time. Even now, I can't make sense of it.

I was raped when I was 18. I'm 24 now. It was the classic Lifetime TV original movie you would see on cable access. My boyfriend at the time felt we had been in a relationship long enough that he was entitled to it. When I resisted, he backhanded me so hard I fell to the floor. He was angry. He kept going until he was satisfied and warned me not to say anything. I've internalized all that for the last six years.

Thing was. Nothing was ever done about it. I never told anyone.

Not even my immediate family.

Call it fear. Call it cowardice. Call it whatever you want. I guess in a way, to this day, I still feel like if I hadn't been so resistant, the whole thing wouldn't have happened. He wanted me one way or the other. I was certain no one would believe me. It would've been my word against his.

So now here I sit telling complete strangers something that I can't even tell my own parents or closest friends. I'm too embarrassed to face them. I've even started to get disgusted with myself and the fact that in a weird, sick, twisted way...in some capacity beyond my comprehension...I keep re-living it in my mind. I can't let it go.

So in all honesty, I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm sure I deserved it back then. It's the identity I've formed now. My life has never been the same since...

No you did NOT deserve it. It was NOT your fault. No one deserves that. This is a fantasy site and yes it can be scary. But when it is real it is wrong.

I know it was very brave of you to post here. I want to encourage you to please tell someone a trusting soul so you have someone to talk to.

Hugs

[poluwuqe]

To Fla Force Fantasy Man-

I understand what you are trying to do by telling women who have been victims to open up about it but that is very tricky. Yes, it is more therapeutic to have someone that you can be honest with about it and share your troubles but you have to be careful about who you tell. In some instances women have told their mothers, boyfriends, friends, etc. and have had a negative response from them. This doesn't always happen but it is a possibility that you should consider before telling them. If you prepare yourself for any possible response, you will be slightly less surprised if they do not respond with support. I have to say that talking to a psychologist of some kind varies. I've been through a handful myself and although had 4-5 crappy ones that didn't get me, one that I had found changed my life. If anyone is worried about what to or not to tell a psychologist I do have a couple of hints (it is possible that this only applies to my state, but I believe it to be national). A psychologist can only reveal any information given to them if they believe the patient will harm themselves or others or if they admit to having committed a murder (again, to the best of my knowledge murder is the only possible past crime in which the psychologist has the obigation to share priveleged information). If you tell them that you want to kill your rapist and they understand that you are only venting out your anger, they can't legally go to the cops, etc. I do believe it possible that one psychologist can legally speak with another about your case, but cannot reveal identifiable information such as age, name, address, etc. I know this turned into a technical rambling but I'm trying to give out accurate information that I know (or highly believe) to be true.

[poluwuqe]

To kimmy-

The childhood thing was sometime before 5 years old and the rape ocurred at 24. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? You look really young and I was wondering how you were able to support yourself. It can't be easy the way the country is now. If you don't want to answer any of my silly questions it's ok. I am simply curious.

[kimmy]

i am 19,no it isn't seems like the whole word is a mess,i work in a store,when i left home,it wasn't easy,shelters and friends houses,even stayed in a car for awhile,not much fun

[LustAndLuxury]

Originally Posted by Annika1717

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that in my case something happened to me as a child and so I knew about rape before I knew about sex. By the time I was in college I had decided to research sites online. This lead to reading real and fake stories that made me react. At first it was disgust, then it lead to intrigue. I started watching porn about 2 years ago and the only type I cared for was rape. Eventually I started doing the talking role play with sex and maybe even rape. That lead to sex sites which lead to one night stands and eventually the first guy that did rape roleplay with me. He ended up raping me by breaking the rules we had both agreed to. That was a year ago. Right afterwards I was too sickened by the videos and too scared of the strangers to watch porn or meet new guys. But even though the role play lead to the rape, a few months later I was watching the rape videos again. Then some time after that I started checking out sites like these and reading the fake stories. So, like I said, I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case it's an addiction. Even though I know that I'm going to get depressed, cry, or get angry, I can't stop myself from watching the videos and reading the stories. The truth is that I don't want to stop doing that. I just don't want to feel like shit after everytime I do it. I don't know if that helps explain anything or not, but I thought I'd put in my 2 sense worth. If you're going to reply please don't say something cliche like "you're brave" or "I feel sorry for you". I'm not telling you for sympathy or any of that mushy crap, just so that maybe you can better understand.

Annika : I suffer the same pathology... Every once in a while, my body and my mind teams up together and sends me waves from my rape experiences in the form of morbid curiosity. At its highest peak, something bad will happen.

Some years ago, I discovered this website, which I come back to in order to write down my experiences. The very first occur when I was pretty young and the memory is quite blurred. The one that I remembered clearly was from my teenage birthday day.

My Signature is "A Slave to my body's desire"... and yet, I know that I do not desire this... it only leads to pain and loneliness. I haven't been able to maintain a non-sexually-violent relationship with a man. The need to feel trapped will come running back after a certain amount of soft and tender intimate intercourses... Obviously this leads to critic reaction from the male (as you can witness in my last entry further down...)

Is there a way out ? I really don't... and I really don't believe so... Lately, I have seriously considered giving up on getting married, having kids and live the "Happily ever after " romantic relationship.

So, that's my input regarding your thread.

[poluwuqe]

Kimmy-

Do you have stable living arrangements now? I don't mean to be so nosy but I'm very curious about where your life is now. Do you have any family that could help you or support you?

[RapeKarenX]

o

[Lil-Mac]

To Karen: No one is going to attack younot if they have a brain in their head at any rate. besides Charlie will eat em alive.


To Kim: All the best Hun, really. I hope your life is better now, not all guys are bad... not even the guys here. (just kidding fellas, I know we are all terrible)


To Lust: First thanks for accepting my friends request, as I told you feel free to contact me any time.

Your story just breaks my heart, as all these stories do to be honest. I cant imagine the pain you and the rest of the girls went thru. I do know a bit about abuse however, more on that in a bit, perhaps this is where I get my empathic side from.

Something I am unclear on with your experience. Is the reason you cant find a loving relationship because you just keep meeting asshats like your neighbor
(fukin bastard that one is) or do you somehow sabotage the relationship. Not saying that you do mind you but I have heard of that happening.

It's getting late and I need to go. Wanted to share something that happened to me but that will have to wait for another day.

[RapeKarenX]

can't see the dark blue well.

share

[kimmy]

Originally Posted by Annika1717

Kimmy-

Do you have stable living arrangements now? I don't mean to be so nosy but I'm very curious about where your life is now. Do you have any family that could help you or support you?

yeah,it's somewhat stable,i live with an older guy now,and nope no family i can count on,they were the problem,lol

[kimmy]

thanks Lil-Mac ,and i'm glad you are doing alot better Karen,i too am tring too be very careful what i say here as well,i don't want to offend anyone either,i don't want to bend any rules here so i'm being as vague as i can and still answer,i guess if someone wants more they should probably contact us privately

[kimmy]

annika1717,i tried to answer your private message but it wouldn't let me