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10-12-2009, 03:38 AM | #221 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?" |
10-12-2009, 03:47 AM | #222 |
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A kid walks in the corridor and hears some noise from his sisters, aged 16, bedroom. he comes close to the door and watches from the key hole and sees his sister naked caressing herself and saying, of I want a boy, oh I need a boy, so the kid does not understand and continues his road. the next day, same thing, the day after also, the fourth day when he looks through the key hole, he sees his sister naked with a boy kissing each other and etc, so he turns back quickly to his room, takes off his clothes and begins caressing himself saying, oh I want a bicycle, I need a bicycle
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10-12-2009, 04:01 AM | #223 |
Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 166
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Q. Once a rich doctor, a poor doctor and superman were walking together. They spot $100 bill lying on the road. Who picks it up?
A. The rich doctor, because the other two didn't exist! |
10-12-2009, 05:21 AM | #224 |
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says: "Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?" " Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off". "What about the eye-patch?". "I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye". "Well, that's not that bad..is it?" "It was the first day I got me hook". |
10-14-2009, 08:23 PM | #225 |
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 983
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What's a 68 to a blonde?
When she goes down on you and you owe her one.
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It's all fun and games till someone gets raped. |
12-18-2009, 06:53 PM | #226 |
Junior Member
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12-19-2009, 11:52 AM | #227 |
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Under Your Bed
Posts: 2,340
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MENstruation
MENtal annoyance MENopause Most problems that women have have to do with men. ======== Why is James Brown like a tampon? He's uptight, outta sight, and in the groove! ======== How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it is from. ======== What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing they were both stuck-up cunts. ======== Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss after you eat! ======== What did the vampire say to the high school girl? See you next period! ======== Why do pubic-hair crabs like tampons? Because they can go bungee jumping on the string!!! ======== How did the Red Sea get it's name? Cleopatra used to bathe there periodically. ======== What does a funeral and foreplay have in common? They are both prerequisites to burying your stiff. |
01-04-2010, 12:25 AM | #228 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 17
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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a trashcan?
1 dead baby in 10 trashcans |
01-17-2010, 05:19 PM | #229 |
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 12
Reputation: 1732 |
Not sure if anyone has posted this one yet, but i'll go ahead and post it anyway. [:
There's a guy and a girl sitting next to each other at a bar. The guy turns to the girl, smiles at her and buys her a drink. The girl looks at him and says, "Ugh, don't even! I would never let you have sex with me, even if you paid me!" She laughs, and so do her friends who are sitting aside of her. The man leans in slowly and whispers to her, "What if no one is around to stop me?" |
01-18-2010, 12:33 PM | #230 |
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Location: Under Your Bed
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A nun walks into a bus and sits behind the driver and says, "I have just one regret before I die,"
The bus driver asks "What might that be?", she says "I have never had sex, but I can't have sex with a married man or that would be a sin." The bus driver says, "I'm not married" The nun says, "I have to die a virgin so I will have to take it in my ass". Being the only two in the bus they went to the back and took care of business. When they were done the bus driver says to the nun, "I have a confesion to make, I am married." The nun says "I also have a confesion to make, My name is Tom and im going to a costume party!" |
01-20-2010, 05:04 PM | #231 |
Admiral Adama
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Galactica CIC
Posts: 1,018
Reputation: 45123 |
I am the Richter scale and Haiti 7.0 was my idea
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So say we all |
01-21-2010, 12:47 AM | #232 |
It's been fun
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After a few drinks a guy calls the bartender over and says "I'll bet you 20 bucks I can piss in a shotglass at the other end of the bar and not miss a drop". The bartender says "deal!" and sets up a shotglass at the end of the bar.
So, the guy unzips his pants, takes careful aim, and pisses all over the bar not getting one drop into the shotglass. The bartender roars with laughter as the guy hands him his 20 dollars. 'Why did you make such a stupid bet?" asked the bartender? Well, say's the guy, I bet that man over there $50 that I could piss all over your bar and you'de just laugh about it".
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I have a brontosaurus and you don't. So there. |
01-25-2010, 09:18 AM | #233 | |
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
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Quote:
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01-26-2010, 03:18 AM | #234 |
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: One Foot In The Grave
Posts: 1,376
Reputation: 121541 |
Dashrender wrote;
"whats faster than a black man stealing a tv? his brother with the VCR" How about a Palestinian riding through Tel Aviv on a bicycle singing "This Land is my Land"
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