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10-02-2013, 12:45 PM | #1 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 22
Reputation: 2278 |
Thanks for the Quickie
[My first attempt at second-person, was looking for some feedback. Thanks! - K] Your hand appears by the folding door of the airplane lavatory just as I’m closing it. You pry it slightly open and slip in quickly through the gap. In a split second, you’re in the tiny space with me, bolting the lock behind you. Before I have a chance to react you lunge at me, your hand clamping over my mouth, muffling my cry of surprise. Last edited by Kypris; 10-02-2013 at 04:46 PM. Reason: grammar corrections |
10-03-2013, 08:06 AM | #2 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Reputation: 43 |
Awesome story is there going to be more?
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The world is full of people, those that rape are either around the corner or in your closet but most rapists miss out on their opportunity. |
10-03-2013, 02:34 PM | #3 |
Privileged Member
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When's the best time to catch you playing with yourself, little rapetoy?
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10-06-2013, 10:45 PM | #4 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sunny CA
Posts: 12
Reputation: 22 |
This is really wonderful. Brief, but very powerful; I'm amazed by what a complex and well-developed character you created in so few words. I understood her, I empathized with her, and I was even a little jealous of her. Great writing!
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"But he that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose." - Anne Bronte |
11-10-2013, 05:33 PM | #5 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 22
Reputation: 2278 |
Thank you for the compliment! That is good to hear. I'm usually quite verbose as well, but writing in present-tense does naturally encourage more brevity.
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11-12-2013, 04:25 PM | #6 |
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England
Posts: 139
Reputation: 1451 |
I love short stories, this was ace. I also love the first person tense as well!!
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12-08-2013, 11:14 AM | #7 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: The Centre of the Universe
Posts: 161
Reputation: 1661 |
Thanks for this. I like getting into the mind of the victim as much as I like getting into her cunt...
Well done! I look forward to reading more of your writing.
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Please visit my threads: Clerk Caught and Raped A Woman Chopping Wood The New Tenant :sniff:sniff: |
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