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Old 10-02-2009, 05:15 AM   #1
knightlover001
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Arrow Knightlover001 Jokes Collection

Hi Friends ! These jokes have been told and retold over Generations in Villages, Schools, Colleges, Pubs and Bars. I will attempt to collect them from various sources for your reading and enjoyment. None can claim copyrights over jokes as they are from ancient days told, retold and recycled to suit modern times and situations. Some of these Jokes may be sick, offending, racist, sexist, etc but Please remember that they are only Jokes collected from various sources and do not represent my personal opinion. These Jokes are posted in the Rowdy Room only for that reason. I wish the moderators would give us a separate place to start Jokes threads.

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Old 10-02-2009, 05:20 AM   #2
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Talking

Peter was dying. His wife, Anne, was maintaining a candlelight vigil at his bedside. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move lightly.

"My darling Anne," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh. Don`t talk."

He was insistent. "Anne," he said in his tired voice. "I...I have something that I must confess to you."

"There`s nothing to confess," replied the weeping Anne.... "Everything`s all right, Now go to sleep."

"No no, I must die in peace, Anne. I...I slept with your sister, your best friend, your cousin and your mother!"

"I know..." Anne whispered softly, "that`s why I poisoned you."
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:22 AM   #3
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Talking

There are three kinds of sex in a marriage.

The first is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, in the kitchen.

The second kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, you gotta do it in the bedroom.

The third kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you."

There is also a fourth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex.

This is when you get divorced and your wife fucks you in front of everyone in Court.
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:29 AM   #4
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Talking

One evening Sardarji’s wife was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.

The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $ 10 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"

Sardarji’s wife thought it over and told him to wait a minute. She called Sardarji on her phone and told her about the man's proposition.

Sardarji said "When he drops the $ 10 on the ground, I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

Half an hour later Sardarji’s wife called Sardarji.

"What happened?" asked Sardarji.

Sardarji’s wife, "That son-of-a bitch had $ 10 in cents."
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:30 AM   #5
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Talking

Sardarji’s wife went to the doctor's office for a check-up. The doctor took a blood sample and told her to return in one week for the results.

One week later, she and Sardarji, returned to the doctor's office.

The doctor took Sardarji aside and told him, "Sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We accidentally mixed your wife's blood sample with another patient's, and we have no idea whose is whose. The bad news is one has Alzheimer's disease, and the other has AIDS. I want you to come back in another week and by then I should have it all sorted out."

Sardarji looked scared and said, "That's terrible doctor, what should I do until then?"

"Well, when you're driving home today, drop her off two blocks away from your house.

If she makes it home safe, don't have sex with her!"
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:33 AM   #6
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Talking

Two tigers are walking single file along a narrow jungle path when the tiger in back takes off and disappears for a few minutes.

Shortly after the other tiger returns to his place behind the lead tiger, the lead tiger feels the trailing tiger's tongue licking his butt.

Although he disapproves of this, he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to start any trouble.

Shortly, the lead tiger feels the trailing tiger's tongue licking his butt and, being thoroughly disgusted, decides to confront this butt-licker.

He turns around and says to the other tiger, "Hey! Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"

The rear tiger replies, "Yeah, and I'm very sorry about it. The trouble is, I just ate a lawyer and I was just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:35 AM   #7
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Talking

There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy says, "It’s simple. I just say, I’m a lawyer and I soon get a date."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?" He said, "Why yes I am!"

So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!"
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:42 AM   #8
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Talking

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady.

The city slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job."

The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot.

The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!"

Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!"
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:44 AM   #9
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Talking

It was a hot summer day and two nuns were painting a room in the convent.
As there was no air conditioning the heat soon became unbearable.

The first nun said that they should remove their clothes so that they would be cooler.

The second said what if someone should come?

The first said we'll lock the door and then we will be safe. So they lock the door and continue painting when there is a knock on the door.

The first nun asks who it is and the reply comes back, "It is the blind man."

The two nuns confer and decide that the blind man can't see anything and let him in, at which time the man says, "Nice tits sisters, where do you want these blinds?"
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:48 AM   #10
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Talking

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. As he`s leaving, the Russian leader tells him that in Russia they have a farewell custom called 'Russian Roulette', to demonstrate one`s courage.

The Russian leader whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder a spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger....CLICK...empty chamber.

He hands the revolver to his African guest and says, "Your turn."

Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual.CLICK....empty.

The next year, the Russian leader visits the African country. As he's leaving, the African tells him that he was very impressed with 'Russian Roulette' and that he has devised an African ritual to demonstrate one's courage.

The African leader then disappears through a door, only to reappear a few minutes later smiling and says, "Your turn."

The African escorts the Russian through the door. In the room are six of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen. The African explains that he is to choose one of the women, who will perform oral sex on him.

Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage is this?"

The African calmly answers, "One of them is a cannibal."
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:51 AM   #11
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Three men, a Jewish man, a Catholic man, and a Mormon man, were having drinks at the bar following a business meeting.

The Jewish man, bragging about his virility, said, 'I have four sons. One more and I`ll have a basketball team!'

The Catholic man pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, 'That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons. One more and I'll have a football team.'

To which the Mormon man replied, 'You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!'
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Old 10-02-2009, 10:03 AM   #12
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he he nice ones
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Old 10-02-2009, 10:20 AM   #13
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Smile

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Originally Posted by collesfracture View Post
he he nice ones

Thanks Pal.
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Old 10-02-2009, 10:49 AM   #14
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Default Great Jokes :D

Great jokes Sir...keep it up my friend...
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:18 AM   #15
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Smile

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Originally Posted by Newland View Post

Fantastic ones,my friend!You are really a great guy who contributes so much to this board!Keep it high

Thank you Boss.
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:19 AM   #16
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Smile

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Originally Posted by pervipete View Post
Great jokes Sir...keep it up my friend...

Thank you Sir Pete.
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Old 10-02-2009, 12:30 PM   #17
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who is Sardarji? haha..

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Old 10-02-2009, 12:31 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knightlover001 View Post
There was a loser who couldn’t get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy says, "It’s simple. I just say, I’m a lawyer and I soon get a date."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?" He said, "Why yes I am!"

So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!"

Lol, that's a good one.
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Old 10-02-2009, 01:50 PM   #19
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A Jewish guy is worried about his sons faith. So he says to his son one day "I am sending you on to the holy land.Hopefully some time in Jurusalem will reawaken your faith" so the son heads off. On his return he says "Dan, I've converted to Christianity"

the little jewish guy is dumbstruck. He goes to his best friend of 20 years and he says "Its funny you should ask but exactly the same thing has happened to me". So they decided to ask a wiser mind for help and guidance and the go to see there Rabbi.

The Rabbai says "Its funny ytou should ask but with regrets I have to say that this is something that has happened to me as well. maybe we should all seek the wisdom of a higher power and pray on this for a while" So they do. each asking why their sons have turned to Christianity. After a while the heavens open and they all gaze upon the face of God who says "Its funny you should ask this but.......
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Old 10-02-2009, 03:00 PM   #20
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Thanks for coming in kitty. Cheers
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