How to tell partner about rape fantasys? - Rape Board

Asimov · 08-10-2008, 08:32 PM

Hey been lurking here for a month or so, great site, but now I need some advice!

Basically been with my GF for a few years now and since I've been getting more and more into rape fantasies online our sex life is getting a bit.. well not dull, I still enjoy it but it certainly isn't as great as it could be. Thing is I feel really awkward about how I should try to introduce rape themes... I think she would really be against it and I don't wanna fuck up our relationship.

What advice you guys got? Some stories of how you got your partner into it might help

Ragman · 08-11-2008, 01:47 AM

Damn I wish I could find the link.. But I asked the same question here a long time ago.

There is a lsit out there where a bunch of women listed their favorite sexual fantasy, and guess what number one is?

Find that list.. Ask her if anything on it appeals to her, ask her to try one or two of them, then when you get to number one.. the subject isout thereon the floor.. it is a good method.. at least.. it worked for me

bedslave · 08-12-2008, 01:45 AM

Don't do it !! find someone on this site and play , meet up whatever. But DO NOT just bring it up , unless you want to loose her. Besides any crimes and she'll know its you. Be smart keep love apart.

ChiTownHoney · 08-12-2008, 01:58 AM

You know what though, that list really bugged me. I cant put my finger on it, but it just got my goat..haha, what a lame expression!

Ragman · 08-12-2008, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

You know what though, that list really bugged me. I cant put my finger on it, but it just got my goat..haha, what a lame expression!

Why did it bug you? Did you not agree with it? Were some of your prefferred kinks not on it? Or was it just the way it was written? Do tell

FinalKey · 08-12-2008, 11:34 AM

It's best to be honest, if you want to take it slow try to tie in roleplaying with your bedroom. Buy a few uniforms/outfits and play 'naughty secretary and horny boss' and eventually move on to 'innocent secretary and angry boss who wants a piece of secretary's sweet ass whether she wants him to have it or not.'.

But if you and your woman have been together for a few years I think it's safe to say you'd be better off moving slow, she may feel that you've been holding back a lot from her if you spring it up on her. But if you should lie and say 'Honey I was thinking...what do you think of rape fantasies?'.

Myself, I've only encountered one female who was down with the rape fantasy and that was when I was still in denial about what I liked lol. Good luck man.

Lemarchand · 08-12-2008, 12:52 PM

Finalkey's advice is very sound.

I guess I am extremely fortunate to be in a relationship with someone who shares similar fantasies to me, and it's a very rewarding feeling knowing that you don't have to hide parts of the real you sexually.
However it wasn't always that way. I did have great success bringing elements of my own fantasy life into my relationships with women who didn't necessarily share mine.

My advice would be to take some time thinking about your relationship first of all. Think about your girlfriend and focus on what you know she like sexually. Then think about if any of those things share any similarity to you own fantasies.
An example may be along the lines of:- she might react positively when you hold her firmly during sex, forcing her legs apart during oral. Harder and more powerful sex as opposed to Barry White slow stuff.
Anything that you know she enjoys in your regular sex life that touches on what drives your inner desire becomes easy to highlight, be assertive and play on it more.

Think seriously about what elements of rape fantasy really turn you on. Think about what you would really like to get your girlfriend to consent to.

An example from my own life experience would be that I find bondage an amazing turn on, and it has provided the gateway to stronger fantasy play because I am patient and can play the long game with a lover who I want to share my fantasy with.
A lot of people who don't understand bondage just assume that it is all severe, leather, chains, whips etc. So I never really present it in discussion.
I would for instance have a silk scarf close to hand, and whilst being very passionate and tender, proffer it as a blindfold or suggest lightly binding her wrists. Gauge her responses, not only verbally...but in the way she feels to you physically. Most people are fairly open to trying things out like that if they feel safe and in control, so if it's introduces in a fun and sexy way like that you may find her to be very accepting.
Don't do anything too heavy, for instance with the blindfold play or the light restraint, really talk about the experience afterwards in a fun and sexy way, really focus a lot of attention on her and how she feels, and be very loving throughout. If she responds positively you know that you can very slowly introduce more into the equation, but remember to recreate the initial experience often so she feels you are not being selfish.

It is imperative that if she responds badly or she doesn't even want to try to experiment...do not act upset or disappointed!
If you do you can pretty much kiss any experimentation goodbye.

I have never experienced any woman I have been with turn down the introduction of light bondage play. As a result I have gradually introduced other elements, often including roleplay where she becomes my captive or my slave. Once I have reached that point, the majority of the fantasy from my perspective has been satisfied and the rest can be easily imagined.

Always talk at great length about what you do afterwards, always keep it fun and as sexy as possible and you will find it easier to say. "You know what would be fun...if we tried this!" Always listen to her suggestions and responses. Always accept if she wants to try something, even if it's not in your own imagination or even if it doesn't seem like it would turn you on. Avoid using term "rape" in discussion unless she brings it up in a positive manner.
The chances are she will want to switch roles now and again if she is accepting of the experimentation...do not refuse, and as Finalkey suggests...play everything slowly.

My own experiences have often resulted in my partner feeling me to be a much better lover as a result of our play experiences...which is another huge benefit.

Oh, and I don't think you have to worry about her running away with other fantasist's from this board if you are responsive to her needs. lol

Regards,

Lemarchand

ChiTownHoney · 08-12-2008, 02:11 PM

Well...I'm not sure who wrote the list but the way it was written was just horrible. For example the person states that ALL woman want a lesbian encounter, or something like that. If someone can find the list it would be appreciated. I remember just not liking it. I mean, first of all, you have to look at the population that they decided to get the data from and what biases exist. If it were a legitimate study, there would be weaknesses and/or threats to validity stated, and all those get taken into consideration when reading a study. So, I just want to know exactly where that list came from, because it has major flaws.

BTW....if a boyfriend handed me a list and asked me to try them...I might punch him in the face and tell him my fantasy is to lay a beating on him....do you think he would go for that? Giving someone a list is underhanded, and is telling them that they are not satisfying you. I would rather a man tell me "I want to rape you tonight, is that cool?" If I say yes, cool, if not, we'll work it out.

Besides....that list gives men the impression that ALL women are into the same things that they have been dreaming about. Lesbianism, being tied up... now all men think woman are all bisexual. My ex boyfriend asked me if I should have sex with a woman. Of course, I'm bisexual, as is every woman. I told him I would think about it if he would have sex with a man.

ChiTownHoney · 08-12-2008, 02:14 PM

Anyhow, If you have known your girlfriend for a few years, then you have a close enough relationship where she is both your best friend and your lover and she is the one person in the world you would be able to tell anything to. Just tell her. If she accepts it cool, if she doesnt, whatever.

Lemarchand · 08-12-2008, 02:22 PM

I absolutely loath lists. They're impersonal and never seem to cater for the human nature and individuality. I mean whoever dreamed up the theory that if we tick eight out of ten of the same boxes in a list that we are ideally matched?
Oh, hold on a sec...dating agencies!!!
Pay for the privilege of giving your innermost being to someone time and time again, finding out they aren't even the kind of person you like just because they ticked a few of the same boxes as you in a list. Now thats dignified.
Well it may be good for some, but it certainly isn't for me.
Whenever someone asks to add me to their pals list on a social networking site...the moment I see one of those generic lists stating who they are and what they like...guess which way i choose. lol

touriquet2001 · 08-12-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

Anyhow, If you have known your girlfriend for a few years, then you have a close enough relationship where she is both your best friend and your lover and she is the one person in the world you would be able to tell anything to. Just tell her. If she accepts it cool, if she doesnt, whatever.

agreed , but ease into it . don't come out and say "hey i've been having these rape fantasies . and i want to rape you !!!"

maybe some lite bondage games , building up to where ever she draws the line . who kows maybe she has the same fantasies and is afraid to tell you ....

ChiTownHoney · 08-12-2008, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by touriquet2001

agreed , but ease into it . don't come out and say "hey i've been having these rape fantasies . and i want to rape you !!!"

maybe some lite bondage games , building up to where ever she draws the line . who kows maybe she has the same fantasies and is afraid to tell you ....

You are very right. Maybe me giving advice is not such a good idea because I have no idea what other women like. I mean I can tell you what I like, but thats me and I am a different kind of woman. I hate slow and underhanded bullshit. I want a man to be like "this is how it is, do you want that? Yes or no" None of that beating around the bush bullshit.

touriquet2001 · 08-12-2008, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

You are very right. Maybe me giving advice is not such a good idea because I have no idea what other women like. I mean I can tell you what I like, but thats me and I am a different kind of woman. I hate slow and underhanded bullshit. I want a man to be like "this is how it is, do you want that? Yes or no" None of that beating around the bush bullshit.

i don't know . i just think you can't go wrong if you work from a place of trust and understanding . nothing underhanded about it .

bayresident · 08-12-2008, 07:24 PM

Lucky for my, I asked my gf what her fantasy was and she said having a strong man take control of her. I told her about my rape fantasies, and that was that. We do not role play or anything, but she is aware of the type of videos/fantasies that I am into. She's cool with it, but i think role playing would be too awkward.

AWDracer · 08-12-2008, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney

You are very right. Maybe me giving advice is not such a good idea because I have no idea what other women like. I mean I can tell you what I like, but thats me and I am a different kind of woman. I hate slow and underhanded bullshit. I want a man to be like "this is how it is, do you want that? Yes or no" None of that beating around the bush bullshit.

I know there are some parts which we could be similar in, but I don't know if we're the same on this topic on "beating around the bush". Someone who makes a decision prior to the woman's is IMO a recipe for disaster 9/10 times - which is why I tend to prefer the "beat around the bush" approach. You have revealed you are a different type of a woman, however.

stricken · 08-12-2008, 10:03 PM

Wish I could help you but, I am in the same vote.

I love my wife like no other but, the way I see it goes like this: Even though she would support me in anything, I feel that if she knew or didn't know -no positive outcome would come out of it for me because it isn't an area she finds luring.

She does not understand what is attractive about it, or why I find it attractive so, Real life role play would not be interesting.

I find my mind is all I need, -I don't want to be mid-sex with her and her say some corny rape line trying to be supportive, -that is something I just don't need.

Redzen · 08-13-2008, 09:43 AM

let's surprise her with some demostration

Kinkybloke · 08-13-2008, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stricken

Wish I could help you but, I am in the same vote.

I love my wife like no other but, the way I see it goes like this: Even though she would support me in anything, I feel that if she knew or didn't know -no positive outcome would come out of it for me because it isn't an area she finds luring.

She does not understand what is attractive about it, or why I find it attractive so, Real life role play would not be interesting.

I find my mind is all I need, -I don't want to be mid-sex with her and her say some corny rape line trying to be supportive, -that is something I just don't need.

basically the same here, I like my fantasies but my wife doesn't share them and I would never want to damage our realationship by introducing them into the bedroom

Tsuekasa · 08-22-2008, 12:24 AM

tell her u want to have fantasy rape

kitty_joanne · 08-22-2008, 12:20 PM

Just some puny tips from me >.<

Know her mindset like how she think towards sex play (don't ask bluntly like an idiot guy please, have a casual talk to her adds up with a little joke, be careful u don't want create any tension on the conversation).

Understand her (understanding needs time, know her boundaries, what she like & dislike, what she is okay with and what is a no no to her. Once i have relationship with a guy who really understand me and he see thru me *.*)

Please her (one word persistency, don't give up on pleasing her, when she is bored try another time don't keep on forcing, makes her really opened up with you, and feel safe in your arms)

For then anything you'll ask, she'll may do it for u.

this is not 100% guaranteed because different girls have different way of thinking. she might take it in a different way.

anyway this works for me >.< and actually the first time i was doing a rape play, i cried so DONT DO IT TO HARSH! u need time for rape play to be enjoyful.

08-10-2008, 08:32 PM	#1
Asimov Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1 Reputation: 10	How to tell partner about rape fantasys? Hey been lurking here for a month or so, great site, but now I need some advice! Basically been with my GF for a few years now and since I've been getting more and more into rape fantasies online our sex life is getting a bit.. well not dull, I still enjoy it but it certainly isn't as great as it could be. Thing is I feel really awkward about how I should try to introduce rape themes... I think she would really be against it and I don't wanna fuck up our relationship. What advice you guys got? Some stories of how you got your partner into it might help

08-11-2008, 01:47 AM	#2
Ragman Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: an alley near you Posts: 2,226 Reputation: 5535	Damn I wish I could find the link.. But I asked the same question here a long time ago. There is a lsit out there where a bunch of women listed their favorite sexual fantasy, and guess what number one is? Find that list.. Ask her if anything on it appeals to her, ask her to try one or two of them, then when you get to number one.. the subject isout thereon the floor.. it is a good method.. at least.. it worked for me __________________ "Aww He's just a silly, dirty little man. What's to be afraid of ?" 2

08-12-2008, 02:11 PM	#8
ChiTownHoney Pa'l Mundo Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: ObamaNation Posts: 2,460 Reputation: 33436	Well...I'm not sure who wrote the list but the way it was written was just horrible. For example the person states that ALL woman want a lesbian encounter, or something like that. If someone can find the list it would be appreciated. I remember just not liking it. I mean, first of all, you have to look at the population that they decided to get the data from and what biases exist. If it were a legitimate study, there would be weaknesses and/or threats to validity stated, and all those get taken into consideration when reading a study. So, I just want to know exactly where that list came from, because it has major flaws. BTW....if a boyfriend handed me a list and asked me to try them...I might punch him in the face and tell him my fantasy is to lay a beating on him....do you think he would go for that? Giving someone a list is underhanded, and is telling them that they are not satisfying you. I would rather a man tell me "I want to rape you tonight, is that cool?" If I say yes, cool, if not, we'll work it out. Besides....that list gives men the impression that ALL women are into the same things that they have been dreaming about. Lesbianism, being tied up... now all men think woman are all bisexual. My ex boyfriend asked me if I should have sex with a woman. Of course, I'm bisexual, as is every woman. I told him I would think about it if he would have sex with a man. Last edited by ChiTownHoney; 08-12-2008 at 02:18 PM.

08-12-2008, 01:45 AM	#3
bedslave Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 57 Reputation: 656	Don't do it !! find someone on this site and play , meet up whatever. But DO NOT just bring it up , unless you want to loose her. Besides any crimes and she'll know its you. Be smart keep love apart.

08-12-2008, 01:58 AM	#4
ChiTownHoney Pa'l Mundo Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: ObamaNation Posts: 2,460 Reputation: 33436	You know what though, that list really bugged me. I cant put my finger on it, but it just got my goat..haha, what a lame expression!

08-12-2008, 11:34 AM	#6
FinalKey Key Master Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 677 Reputation: 4792	It's best to be honest, if you want to take it slow try to tie in roleplaying with your bedroom. Buy a few uniforms/outfits and play 'naughty secretary and horny boss' and eventually move on to 'innocent secretary and angry boss who wants a piece of secretary's sweet ass whether she wants him to have it or not.'. But if you and your woman have been together for a few years I think it's safe to say you'd be better off moving slow, she may feel that you've been holding back a lot from her if you spring it up on her. But if you should lie and say 'Honey I was thinking...what do you think of rape fantasies?'. Myself, I've only encountered one female who was down with the rape fantasy and that was when I was still in denial about what I liked lol. Good luck man.

08-12-2008, 12:52 PM	#7
Lemarchand Guardian Of The Box Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: On a return flight from Hades...That was one dull vacation! Posts: 401 Reputation: 3382	Finalkey's advice is very sound. I guess I am extremely fortunate to be in a relationship with someone who shares similar fantasies to me, and it's a very rewarding feeling knowing that you don't have to hide parts of the real you sexually. However it wasn't always that way. I did have great success bringing elements of my own fantasy life into my relationships with women who didn't necessarily share mine. My advice would be to take some time thinking about your relationship first of all. Think about your girlfriend and focus on what you know she like sexually. Then think about if any of those things share any similarity to you own fantasies. An example may be along the lines of:- she might react positively when you hold her firmly during sex, forcing her legs apart during oral. Harder and more powerful sex as opposed to Barry White slow stuff. Anything that you know she enjoys in your regular sex life that touches on what drives your inner desire becomes easy to highlight, be assertive and play on it more. Think seriously about what elements of rape fantasy really turn you on. Think about what you would really like to get your girlfriend to consent to. An example from my own life experience would be that I find bondage an amazing turn on, and it has provided the gateway to stronger fantasy play because I am patient and can play the long game with a lover who I want to share my fantasy with. A lot of people who don't understand bondage just assume that it is all severe, leather, chains, whips etc. So I never really present it in discussion. I would for instance have a silk scarf close to hand, and whilst being very passionate and tender, proffer it as a blindfold or suggest lightly binding her wrists. Gauge her responses, not only verbally...but in the way she feels to you physically. Most people are fairly open to trying things out like that if they feel safe and in control, so if it's introduces in a fun and sexy way like that you may find her to be very accepting. Don't do anything too heavy, for instance with the blindfold play or the light restraint, really talk about the experience afterwards in a fun and sexy way, really focus a lot of attention on her and how she feels, and be very loving throughout. If she responds positively you know that you can very slowly introduce more into the equation, but remember to recreate the initial experience often so she feels you are not being selfish. It is imperative that if she responds badly or she doesn't even want to try to experiment...do not act upset or disappointed! If you do you can pretty much kiss any experimentation goodbye. I have never experienced any woman I have been with turn down the introduction of light bondage play. As a result I have gradually introduced other elements, often including roleplay where she becomes my captive or my slave. Once I have reached that point, the majority of the fantasy from my perspective has been satisfied and the rest can be easily imagined. Always talk at great length about what you do afterwards, always keep it fun and as sexy as possible and you will find it easier to say. "You know what would be fun...if we tried this!" Always listen to her suggestions and responses. Always accept if she wants to try something, even if it's not in your own imagination or even if it doesn't seem like it would turn you on. Avoid using term "rape" in discussion unless she brings it up in a positive manner. The chances are she will want to switch roles now and again if she is accepting of the experimentation...do not refuse, and as Finalkey suggests...play everything slowly. My own experiences have often resulted in my partner feeling me to be a much better lover as a result of our play experiences...which is another huge benefit. Oh, and I don't think you have to worry about her running away with other fantasist's from this board if you are responsive to her needs. lol Regards, Lemarchand

08-12-2008, 02:14 PM	#9
ChiTownHoney Pa'l Mundo Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: ObamaNation Posts: 2,460 Reputation: 33436	Anyhow, If you have known your girlfriend for a few years, then you have a close enough relationship where she is both your best friend and your lover and she is the one person in the world you would be able to tell anything to. Just tell her. If she accepts it cool, if she doesnt, whatever.

08-12-2008, 02:22 PM	#10
Lemarchand Guardian Of The Box Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: On a return flight from Hades...That was one dull vacation! Posts: 401 Reputation: 3382	I absolutely loath lists. They're impersonal and never seem to cater for the human nature and individuality. I mean whoever dreamed up the theory that if we tick eight out of ten of the same boxes in a list that we are ideally matched? Oh, hold on a sec...dating agencies!!! Pay for the privilege of giving your innermost being to someone time and time again, finding out they aren't even the kind of person you like just because they ticked a few of the same boxes as you in a list. Now thats dignified. Well it may be good for some, but it certainly isn't for me. Whenever someone asks to add me to their pals list on a social networking site...the moment I see one of those generic lists stating who they are and what they like...guess which way i choose. lol

08-12-2008, 07:24 PM	#14
bayresident Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 36 Reputation: 63	Lucky for my, I asked my gf what her fantasy was and she said having a strong man take control of her. I told her about my rape fantasies, and that was that. We do not role play or anything, but she is aware of the type of videos/fantasies that I am into. She's cool with it, but i think role playing would be too awkward.

08-12-2008, 10:03 PM	#16
stricken Banned Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 261 Reputation: 3299	Wish I could help you but, I am in the same vote. I love my wife like no other but, the way I see it goes like this: Even though she would support me in anything, I feel that if she knew or didn't know -no positive outcome would come out of it for me because it isn't an area she finds luring. She does not understand what is attractive about it, or why I find it attractive so, Real life role play would not be interesting. I find my mind is all I need, -I don't want to be mid-sex with her and her say some corny rape line trying to be supportive, -that is something I just don't need.

08-13-2008, 09:43 AM	#17
Redzen Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 123 Reputation: 61	let's surprise her with some demostration

08-22-2008, 12:24 AM	#19
Tsuekasa Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 21 Reputation: 10	tell her u want to have fantasy rape

08-22-2008, 12:20 PM	#20
kitty_joanne Sleeping Siren Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Suburb Posts: 2,817 Reputation: 28630	Just some puny tips from me >.< Know her mindset like how she think towards sex play (don't ask bluntly like an idiot guy please, have a casual talk to her adds up with a little joke, be careful u don't want create any tension on the conversation). Understand her (understanding needs time, know her boundaries, what she like & dislike, what she is okay with and what is a no no to her. Once i have relationship with a guy who really understand me and he see thru me .) Please her (one word persistency, don't give up on pleasing her, when she is bored try another time don't keep on forcing, makes her really opened up with you, and feel safe in your arms) For then anything you'll ask, she'll may do it for u. this is not 100% guaranteed because different girls have different way of thinking. she might take it in a different way. anyway this works for me >.< and actually the first time i was doing a rape play, i cried so DONT DO IT TO HARSH! u need time for rape play to be enjoyful.