When it's time to rape.. - Rape Board

Door'sunlocked_c'monin · 12-28-2008, 11:30 AM

When you find someone that you've dead set on RPing with, how do discussions go? Do you first discuss likes? Dislikes? Are times set up for the fantasy to take place or is it a surprise? What happens if it's taking a turn that wasn't discussed? And how do you end the fantasy if it's gone too far?

All valid questions in my head but with my fantasy being for a stranger, I've never had the pleasure to experience it..

Hailo · 12-28-2008, 04:30 PM

Is it okie to answer as the 'rape-e'?

FuckingRotter had said that there would not be any safewords when we meet and that when we meet that once the door is closed that this would mean that i agree and therefore commit to Him.

Although we did talk for a while, i kinda got the feeling that everything that i didn't like, anal rape and piss play for example would go out the window and i was right. He did what he wanted and although i was scared shitless(sorry for swearing) i loved him just raping me and that i was just there to be used.

The thing that scared me the most was when FR pushed my head underwater in the bathtub and refused to let me out. At that point, i thought fuck he is actually going to kill me but FR knew what he was doing and i'm still here to tell the tale.

I am aware of the dangers of breath play and i would not encourage anyone to do this. I apologise if i have caused offence.

RebornSon · 12-28-2008, 05:34 PM

I make sure that the girl's alright with the idea of a rape RP (seriously, if she's not, one can end up in a whole world of trouble!) before I do anything. Rape is something that I feel you just don't do unless it's been brought up and you know your partner agrees with it. The rapist also would do well to heed the likes and dislikes of the rape-e, to make the experience enjoyable for both parties, although ultimately the power rests in his (or her, let's not forget the lady rapists) hands.

As for how far it goes, it can go as far as the rapist desires. No safewords or anything, the rape-e is completely under the rapists control. Of course the rapist would do well not to seriously injure the rape-e, but that's just common sense (you don't want to cut the fingers off of someone who you're looking forward to having a relationship with!)

My two cents (although my thoughts are slightly jumbled up at the moment and I reserve the right to revisit these at a later date)

GeorgeDaBrute · 12-29-2008, 02:18 AM

I would say always chat for awhile and get to know them then if you aggreee meet somewhere public at first (unless of course surprise is a huge part of your fantasy) and set a safe word ..whether you use it or not set one ..discuss what you want and what's off limits ..then hand over a copy of your personal schedule and spend the next month living in fear and excitement.

Tim Woodman · 12-29-2008, 01:57 PM

This is some tricky stuff. I've been teaching negotiation skills (among a lot of other topics) in the BDSM community for over 10 years, and a lot of the same principles apply here.

1 - there's ALWAYS a safeword. The idea that there's none is fun, but stupid. Legally, consent can always be withdrawn, and if you haven't agreed on a safeword, you're soooo liable in court when she says later it really was rape.

2 - Agree on hard limits. Sorry littlemissrotter, but you are VERY lucky that FuckingRotter is so good. You could have died, and had little means of recourse after that. I HATE it when a victim or submissive tells me she has 'no limits' - Oh really? Does that mean murder is on the table? How's about if I just cut off your fingers?... Don't trust to 'common sense' - it's not really that common.

2.5 - 'soft limits' are another matter. If your fantasy is to have him do something he likes that you truly don't, or if you don't want to 'go that far' the first time, but maybe open to future discussion, that's fine. But talk about it first. If you really fear that discussing and agreeing on stuff ahead of time takes away the passion and spontenaity, well then you're just not very creative.

3 - Especially if you're meeting a play partner for the first time, make sure somebody else knows where you are. Can be a close friend, co-worker, whatever. If you're embarrassed, tell them it's a blind date, or make up some other cover, but MAKE SURE somebody can find you, or at least knows where to start looking, if you should disappear. Don't trust a charming typist with your life.

Everything else can be up to you, as to specific dates or the element of surprize, likes, dislikes, whatever. And hey, miss Kansas City, lemme know if you ever vacation in Los Angeles...

FuckingRotter · 12-29-2008, 02:16 PM

Tim, I think you do my girl a dis-service. What she wrote is a simplified summary of our first meeting, and mentions little of what led up to it. Luck does not come in to it. Judgement does, and she has that in bucketfulls.

Not everbody ascribes to the safe, sane and consentual ethos. And far as safewords go, they do little to protect anyone if the top is willing to ignore it.

I won't go into limits, ours are between ourselves, and every pair decides upon theirs in their own unique way. I agree with you that initial meetings need careful consideration and I'm glad that there are experienced people like yourself out there teaching the pitfalls and potential dangers of kink.

I feel it's only fair I should be able to point out that not everybody needs their hand held every step of the way, and not everybody is going to agree with what you may think is "the one true way" of BDSM. If this is not actually how you think then I apologise in advance for my presumptiveness.

Door'sunlocked_c'monin · 12-29-2008, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuckingRotter

Tim, I think you do my girl a dis-service. What she wrote is a simplified summary of our first meeting, and mentions little of what led up to it. Luck does not come in to it. Judgement does, and she has that in bucketfulls.

Pointing out how absolutely fanfuckingtasic to see him sticking up for her..

Carry on.

lexie22 · 12-29-2008, 03:12 PM

I've never had an instance where a safeword helped. Either I was with someone who didn't push my hard limits, and I didn't need the safe word, or I was with an asshole who didn't care, and got more aggresive when I used it (even though it was HIS idea to even have the stupid safeword- asshole).

luvdozer · 12-29-2008, 07:56 PM

the use of a safe word benefits both parties. If I am with someone and we have discussed a safe word, I am free to let go and not worry about her limits.

Tim Woodman · 12-29-2008, 08:17 PM

No offense taken, after all if we can't disagree then there's not much discussion, is there?

FuckingRotter · 12-30-2008, 08:01 AM

Very true.

I think the most important issue is consent. As long as that is reached, doesn't really matter how two individuals reach that agreement.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tim Woodman

No offense taken, after all if we can't disagree then there's not much discussion, is there?

Door'sunlocked_c'monin · 12-30-2008, 08:24 AM

I've spoken about personal preferences here and there and what it boils down to for me is that through our "courtship", it's make clear what I like, what I'm accepting of, what I'm not to fond of and those things that will cross the line. Death is one of those hehe. I think as long as you hear what the "ee" is saying, things should be ok. I honestly do agree with safe words but like Lexi, have never been pushed to using it.

I think it's safe to say that everyone has a limit.. Even a rapist in a Rp.

Tim Woodman · 12-30-2008, 01:50 PM

Oooo liking your latest photo, Kansas City... Mmmmmmmm

12-28-2008, 11:30 AM	#1
Door'sunlocked_c'monin Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 905 Reputation: 6346	When it's time to rape.. When you find someone that you've dead set on RPing with, how do discussions go? Do you first discuss likes? Dislikes? Are times set up for the fantasy to take place or is it a surprise? What happens if it's taking a turn that wasn't discussed? And how do you end the fantasy if it's gone too far? All valid questions in my head but with my fantasy being for a stranger, I've never had the pleasure to experience it.. __________________ If men see a push-up bra as false advertising, is asking their wife to get fake boobs breech of contract?

12-28-2008, 05:34 PM	#3
RebornSon Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 41 Reputation: 119	I make sure that the girl's alright with the idea of a rape RP (seriously, if she's not, one can end up in a whole world of trouble!) before I do anything. Rape is something that I feel you just don't do unless it's been brought up and you know your partner agrees with it. The rapist also would do well to heed the likes and dislikes of the rape-e, to make the experience enjoyable for both parties, although ultimately the power rests in his (or her, let's not forget the lady rapists) hands. As for how far it goes, it can go as far as the rapist desires. No safewords or anything, the rape-e is completely under the rapists control. Of course the rapist would do well not to seriously injure the rape-e, but that's just common sense (you don't want to cut the fingers off of someone who you're looking forward to having a relationship with!) My two cents (although my thoughts are slightly jumbled up at the moment and I reserve the right to revisit these at a later date) __________________ Out of order. Please check back later

12-29-2008, 01:57 PM	#5
Tim Woodman Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 105 Reputation: 940	This is some tricky stuff. I've been teaching negotiation skills (among a lot of other topics) in the BDSM community for over 10 years, and a lot of the same principles apply here. 1 - there's ALWAYS a safeword. The idea that there's none is fun, but stupid. Legally, consent can always be withdrawn, and if you haven't agreed on a safeword, you're soooo liable in court when she says later it really was rape. 2 - Agree on hard limits. Sorry littlemissrotter, but you are VERY lucky that FuckingRotter is so good. You could have died, and had little means of recourse after that. I HATE it when a victim or submissive tells me she has 'no limits' - Oh really? Does that mean murder is on the table? How's about if I just cut off your fingers?... Don't trust to 'common sense' - it's not really that common. 2.5 - 'soft limits' are another matter. If your fantasy is to have him do something he likes that you truly don't, or if you don't want to 'go that far' the first time, but maybe open to future discussion, that's fine. But talk about it first. If you really fear that discussing and agreeing on stuff ahead of time takes away the passion and spontenaity, well then you're just not very creative. 3 - Especially if you're meeting a play partner for the first time, make sure somebody else knows where you are. Can be a close friend, co-worker, whatever. If you're embarrassed, tell them it's a blind date, or make up some other cover, but MAKE SURE somebody can find you, or at least knows where to start looking, if you should disappear. Don't trust a charming typist with your life. Everything else can be up to you, as to specific dates or the element of surprize, likes, dislikes, whatever. And hey, miss Kansas City, lemme know if you ever vacation in Los Angeles... __________________ Tim Woodman, Professional Villain

12-29-2008, 08:17 PM	#10
Tim Woodman Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 105 Reputation: 940	No offense taken, after all if we can't disagree then there's not much discussion, is there? __________________ Tim Woodman, Professional Villain

12-30-2008, 08:24 AM	#12
Door'sunlocked_c'monin Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 905 Reputation: 6346	I've spoken about personal preferences here and there and what it boils down to for me is that through our "courtship", it's make clear what I like, what I'm accepting of, what I'm not to fond of and those things that will cross the line. Death is one of those hehe. I think as long as you hear what the "ee" is saying, things should be ok. I honestly do agree with safe words but like Lexi, have never been pushed to using it. I think it's safe to say that everyone has a limit.. Even a rapist in a Rp. __________________ If men see a push-up bra as false advertising, is asking their wife to get fake boobs breech of contract?

12-28-2008, 04:30 PM	#2
Hailo Privileged Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: London baby! Posts: 1,662 Reputation: 34134	Is it okie to answer as the 'rape-e'? FuckingRotter had said that there would not be any safewords when we meet and that when we meet that once the door is closed that this would mean that i agree and therefore commit to Him. Although we did talk for a while, i kinda got the feeling that everything that i didn't like, anal rape and piss play for example would go out the window and i was right. He did what he wanted and although i was scared shitless(sorry for swearing) i loved him just raping me and that i was just there to be used. The thing that scared me the most was when FR pushed my head underwater in the bathtub and refused to let me out. At that point, i thought fuck he is actually going to kill me but FR knew what he was doing and i'm still here to tell the tale. I am aware of the dangers of breath play and i would not encourage anyone to do this. I apologise if i have caused offence.

12-29-2008, 02:18 AM	#4
GeorgeDaBrute Privileged Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: North of Kansas City KS Posts: 426 Reputation: 2180	I would say always chat for awhile and get to know them then if you aggreee meet somewhere public at first (unless of course surprise is a huge part of your fantasy) and set a safe word ..whether you use it or not set one ..discuss what you want and what's off limits ..then hand over a copy of your personal schedule and spend the next month living in fear and excitement.

12-29-2008, 02:16 PM	#6
FuckingRotter The Fist of Fury. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Entering the.... Posts: 9,649 Reputation: 118903	Tim, I think you do my girl a dis-service. What she wrote is a simplified summary of our first meeting, and mentions little of what led up to it. Luck does not come in to it. Judgement does, and she has that in bucketfulls. Not everbody ascribes to the safe, sane and consentual ethos. And far as safewords go, they do little to protect anyone if the top is willing to ignore it. I won't go into limits, ours are between ourselves, and every pair decides upon theirs in their own unique way. I agree with you that initial meetings need careful consideration and I'm glad that there are experienced people like yourself out there teaching the pitfalls and potential dangers of kink. I feel it's only fair I should be able to point out that not everybody needs their hand held every step of the way, and not everybody is going to agree with what you may think is "the one true way" of BDSM. If this is not actually how you think then I apologise in advance for my presumptiveness.

12-29-2008, 03:12 PM	#8
lexie22 Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 835 Reputation: 11198	I've never had an instance where a safeword helped. Either I was with someone who didn't push my hard limits, and I didn't need the safe word, or I was with an asshole who didn't care, and got more aggresive when I used it (even though it was HIS idea to even have the stupid safeword- asshole).

12-29-2008, 07:56 PM	#9
luvdozer Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 50 Reputation: 693	the use of a safe word benefits both parties. If I am with someone and we have discussed a safe word, I am free to let go and not worry about her limits.

12-30-2008, 01:50 PM	#13
Tim Woodman Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 105 Reputation: 940	Oooo liking your latest photo, Kansas City... Mmmmmmmm __________________ Tim Woodman, Professional Villain