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Old 02-28-2019, 06:18 PM   #1
QQQQSSSI
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Default Seeking feedback to imrove story! “Sodomizing Suzanne”

Hey everyone, I just finished posting the following story on another site, but I feel like it could still be improved a lot. I got very indecisive towards the end and I feel like my writing style never really gets better. Any feedback is welcome!



Taylor couldn't concentrate in his organic chem lecture. He had to sit here for 90 minutes in the lecture hall listening to his old professor drone on about the differences between alkenes and alkanes and how to draw the difference between them, but all he could focus on was Suzanne sitting in front of him. Suzanne looked like a typical college student in a science major; shoulder length brown hair, glasses, angular cheek bones, a tie-dye teeshirt, and jeans that maybe weren't quite sized right. She didn't wear makeup, or at least not any that Taylor could see, and had a small chest but wide hips. She was mostly very quiet and kept to herself in public, but to Taylor's eyes she was a stereotypical college liberal feminist and he grew to hate her, but also obsess over her.

What was specifically drawing his attention and ire today were those jeans, and the fact that they didn't quite go up high enough when she sat down n'or did her shirt go far enough down. He could clearly see the rim of her dark purple panties rising above the line of her jeans, and a solid 1 1/2 inches of her bare asscrack rising above that further. He could clearly see mild cellulite on her asscheeks and dimples on her lower back. His mind constantly raced in several different directions; between fantasizing about what kind of things he'd want to do to her, pent up anger about her flaunting and exposing her posterior, as though she were openly mocking him for his frustration about his own unfulfilled desires with women so far in his life, as though she were trying to distract him from this class on purpose. To him she was a radical man-hating feminist who thought herself higher than he was, who was taking advantage of a system and culture catering specifically to her and not to him.

Of course, none of this was true. Whatever Suzanne's political beliefs were she never communicated them to Taylor. His own failures with courtship through highschool and college so far were almost entirely of his own making both through lack of experience, inept social skills and an obsession with sexual encounters at the expense of all other factors. Unfortunately he also lacked the introspection to try to self improve and instead placed the blame entirely on a "PC SJW culture" that specifically conspired against him to deny a "nice guy" like him from achieving the sexual gratification that he desired.

For whatever reason Suzanne quickly became the foil for which Taylor had to concentrate his ire on. At the beginning of the year hey were grouped together as lab partners in organic chem since neither of them were close friends with anybody else in that lab section. It rapidly became obvious that she was the more intelligent and capable of the two; Maybe his inferiority complex drew him to hate her so much. Maybe it was that combination of fit build, small chest, and voluptuous ass that subconsciously drove Taylor wild, or specifically the way that her plumber's crack would be exposed more often than not while sitting or kneeling. Taylor didn't consider himself an ass lover for sexual desires, but he loved the symbolism of dominating a woman's ass; as a humiliating gesture of female subservience and male dominance.

In any case Taylor managed to restrain these internal frustrations from boiling over in classes or when working in lab with Suzanne. She knew nothing of how he felt about her or what he wanted to do to her. Online Taylor would regularly suck himself into a vortex of incel forums and anti-feminist discussions on Motherless, where he would vent his frustrations that he perceived from the world around him, and absorb other people's problems that he would then mentally project onto Suzanne even though she herself didn't do anything. From the discussions he was in and the porn he watched, he absorbed ideas like publicly stripping and humiliating her, raping her while she's unconscious, making her drink his piss, sodomizing her while she's tied up, beating her and making her beg to be fucked in her ass. These things stayed partitioned off in his mind as pure fantasies until one day his organic chem lecture started to delve into the ways that some organic compounds impacted brain function.

The corresponding lab section of this unit had a difficult procedure of making chloroform from scratch. Taylor knew that Chloroform didn't work the way it did in movies, and he couldn't just wet a rag with it and make someone pass out instantly. It did, however, get him thinking about the kinds of things he could make and what resources were available to him in the school. Spending the night on Xrares Taylor found a few videos of girls being "roofied" and then violated while they were unconscious. He began to fantasize about this specifically, what he might do to Suzanne while she's unconscious and unable to respond. What kind of humiliation she may wake up to hours later. In what way that he can ruin her life while getting away with it. He soon realized how limited his options were though; He didn't have an easy way to get Xanax, he wasn't socially well connected to get actual roofies or ketamine, he didn't feel like using bitcoins to get etizolam. One of his best options ended up depending on his ability to actually make something in the well-equipped organic chem lab facility. Most of the possibilities were well beyond his skill level as a chem student, but he did have the means and just enough skill to make Chloral Hydrate....

Getting into the chemistry lab at odd hours and making the stuff was simple. A single evening in the lab without other people asking what he was doing ended up being all he needed. Straining through instructions he found online and trying to remember his lab skills from the year so far, he managed to produce a few milligrams of fine white powder from a combination of ingredients that didn’t belong to him. Keeping it safe in an unmarked brown glass vial, actually figuring out a way to administer it to Suzanne was something else. the two of them had practically no contact with each other outside of this one class. There were no lab projects that would require both of them to be there after normal school hours. He didn’t even really know where she lived on campus. As he weighed through his options, he was always sure to have the Mickey Finn he made with him in case some random opportunity arrived. Midterm exams were approaching and he thought that maybe he could arrange a “study session” with her, but that would make it too obvious later on that he had done something wrong to her. As fate would have it, his random opportunity was provided to him a few days later

Before organic chem midterms there was a major calculus assignment due. Taylor had to use the school’s computer labs for this work, since the software needed was old, expensive, and wouldn’t run on his tablet. He liked to go late at night when he could be alone, but on this night he found another person in the lab. It was Suzanne. She had earbuds in and didn’t even notice Taylor when he walked in. He took a seat behind her, where he could once again see her jeans not going quite high enough, n’or did her grey hoodie go quite low enough. Next to her she had a plastic cup with bubble tea in it. Perfect. Taylor quietly bid his time, waiting for a moment when Suzanne was distracted or had to go to the bathroom, when he could drop the mickey Finn into her drink. She was going through her drink fast though, his window may be closing. About 10 minutes only about a third of her tea remained and Taylor let he was running out of time. Luckily for him Suzanne suddenly bent down to reach something in her purse at the base of her feet. This made what looked like half of her entire ass to pour out of her pants. Taylor lunged at the opportunity but as he reached forward and could see even further down her crack his mind split in half between staring at her glorious ass or actually concentrating and dropping the powdered drug into her tea. He finally brought himself to do the latter right before Suzanne got whatever she was reaching for and then returned to her normal position.

The drug left a powdery residue that sat on top of the surface of the tea, but the tea also consistently separated on its own so Suzanne stirred the drink out of habit without even noticing the powder, and then slurped the rest down. Taylor couldn’t believe his luck. For the next half hour he watched her struggle to finish her work as the chloral hydrate took hold of her, as she slowly started to nod off, her typing became slower, and then eventually she put her head down and passed out.

Taylor wasn’t quite sure what her dosage may actually have been since he couldn’t eliminate impurities from his poison, so he didn’t know what timetable he had to work with. He pulled his phone out and took a picture of her from behind, being sure to get her buttcrack in view, and uploaded it to the /b/ section of 4chan with the caption of “this cunt just passed out unconscious in here What should I do?”, quickly following up with a reply image of her face resting sideways on her folded arms and a time stamp written on a post-it note. It wasn’t long before replies and suggestions started coming in, ranging from just letting her sleep to striking a sharpie in her bum. He replied again, pulling one of her profile pictures from Facebook of her wearing the same tie dye shirt as before with the notation that this was some “college liberal feminazi SJW cunt who’s been a constant pain in my ass for months”. After that the relies got much more vicious, like shaving her head bald, destroying all of her clothes and tying her up naked outside, or pouring hot sauce into her asshole, clamping a car battery to her tits, abducting and keeping her as a sex slave, and on and on and on.

Taylor liked the sounds of where some of this was going. He locked the lab door from the inside and then dragged Suzanne over to the front desk, where he would have more room an draped her over it on her belly so that her face was dangling off one end and her legs off of the other. He went back or her purse and pulled out her wallet with her school ID card, placed that on the small of her back, stuck a dry erase marker halfway down her buttcrack, and then took another picture. The relies to this one were more negative, calling him a coward and a fag, which frankly didn’t surprise or bother him. He was just getting started. He yanked on her hair to lift her head up, and took a picture of his dick in her mouth, which was met with more approval. He would have kept going, but keeping her head propped up was tiring on his arm so he pulled out and let her head droop back down.

The time was coming for the main course. He positioned himself behind her and slid his finger down her buttcrack into her pants, feeling her warmth and the light peachfuzz in the depths of her cleft. He smiled to himself, thinking of the criminal acts he was about to unleash upon her. He grabbed around the hips of her jeans and pulled down with all his might, but alas her hips were too wide and her belt was too tight; they wouldn't budge. He tried to reach under her to unbuckle her belt and unbutton her pants, but he simply couldn't be bothered to roll her over, so instead he a nearby pair of large paper shears and, with considerable effort, cut through her belt and jeans at the hip, and then all the way down to her ankle. He then repeated the process down her other hip, until with a simple tug he pulled her ruined pants completely off of her body. Underneath he found dark purple panties stretching to accommodate her wide hips and round buttocks, and gentle dimples of barely noticeable cellulite along her thighs. A few snips with the scissors later and her purple panties joined her jeans as a ruined mess of fabric on the ground.

The sight of her bare ass filled Taylor with joy. So many possibilities for her ruination, her humiliation, for him to assert his rightful dominance. He went back to her desk and pulled her student ID out of her bag, and then placed it on the small of her back. With one pair of fingers, he spread her buttocks apart to expose her light brown virgin anus. He took a picture with her full name and photo ID right above her ass being spread open. Now everybody following along with him would know exactly who she is, and untold hundreds, or maybe even thousands of people would know exactly what the most private, intimate part of her body looks like. He uploaded the picture, asking "What should I do next?" He frankly didn't really care for suggestions, he had his own plans anyway.

Hacking up from the back of his throat, he spread Suzanne's ass cheeks apart and dribbled saliva directly onto her anus, before pressing his index finger against it, gently rubbing the viscous spit in and around her sphincter. One he felt it was ready, he pushed his finger forward against the tight muscle until he felt it give way and and slowly envelop his entire digit. The sheer tightness of her asshole and its unblemished appearance clearly indicated that she was an anal virgin. Perfect picture opportunity. With his free had he took a photo of his finger completely buried in Suzanne’s ass. Unfortunately her ass was so voluptuous that her cheeks concealed her anus and most of his finger. This ended up being much less interesting of a photo than Taylor expected, so he pulled his finger out and returned to her bag to find some props He wa elated to find a purple pencil case wit collection of nearly two dozen different colored Sharpie markers along with a menagerie of pens, pencils, erasers, and whatnot.

He pulled the cap off of one of the sharpies and propped it horizontal between her asscheeks so to keep them spread apart and expose her asshole and still have free hands. He then took a couple more photos of his finger buried all the way into her ass, now with a clear view of her anus clenching around his knuckle, and then another one of him swilling his ass-finger around in her mouth, making her unconsciously taste her own rectum. The 4chan thread responded to this quite positively, demanding fingers in her pussy, or a fist in her ass, or sharpies crammed into every orifice. He had plans for the sharpies, but it would wait.

Back to finger fucking her backside, he twisted and turned his finger as he pumped in and out, trying to loosen her up for a second finger. Then a third to which she responded with a gentle moan. Taylor wasn’t worried she would wake up, even if she did she would be too groggy to realize what was happening before he could escape. Her anus constantly went through cycles of clenching and relaxing as her violation continued, until he felt that her ass was ready.

Eagerly tearing his own pants off, Taylor aligned his rigid 7 inch, skinny cock against the now loosened asshole and pressed in. Godly wouldn’t even begin to describe the sensation to him; he had never kissed a woman before, let alone fuck one, but the sensation of a butthole being split open by his dick was out of this world. He impatiently took another picture of his shaft crammed up her ass, didn’t even bother uploading it, and then went to town slamming her back door with all of his might. The soft moans of discomfort while his hands dug into her meaty thighs and buttocks was simply too much, after less than a minute Taylor prematurely blasted his load deep into her colon. The quivering, twitching muscle contractions from her anus practical milked every last drop from him.

Fuck

He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to leave a literal fuckload of DNA inside of her like this. How can he avoid getting caught now? Could he give her an enema so she shits it out? But how? He didn’t have the equipment or enough water here. What if he dribbled hot sauce into her ass for the same effect? But where was he going to get that?

In his cold panic, flaccid dick still up her ass, he realized that he was already fucked, figuratively. there’s almost nobody else around, so the campus cameras have already recorded him being one of the only people other than Suzanne to have entered this building at this time, and the hall cameras have certainly already recorded him being the only other person to have entered this room.

It was over, he was ruined. He can’t get out of this. Desperately, he turned to 4chan for the worst advice. He uploaded the picture of his dick up her ass, and then explained part of the situation. Most of the audience demanded proof so he uploaded a new photo of his semen slowly leaking out of her butthole, asking desperately what he can do to save himself. Most of the responses were not helpful, ranging from turn himself in to just killing himself. A few suggested to committing all the way; this quest started as a ruination and humiliation of a feminazi cunt, now its time to finish it.

This, possibly the worst of all ideas, was the one Taylor clung to. In his mind, this is all her fault. He was drawn into temptation by her, he was tricked into bad deeds by her, and it was all part of her feminist man-hating agenda to ruin his life by making him do this. His final act would be to ruin her life like she ruined his, to even the score.

His first thought was to try and impregnate her. He slipped a finger into her vagina to feel how tight she was, but was surprised to find that her cherry was still intact. Odd, he had thought of her as a degrading whore this whole time, but she was still a virgin. He had no qualms of relieving her of this condition, but was also surprised to find how wet she was. Was it possible that she had actually enjoyed the ass pounding subconsciously?

It didn’t matter, his mission was to ruin her, he didn’t care if she felt pleasure. He went back to her computer, found the midterm paper she had been working on, and then deleted all of it. If he wasn’t going to make it in this school, she wasn’t either. He viewed all of the files she had stored on the flash drive she had on the computer, and deleted those too. He went into her backpack and tore up all of her notes and books. He found her laptop; why she was in the computer lab in the first place became a mystery to him, but he threw it to the ground and then stomped on it until it was practically a pile of shattered silicone and plastic dust. The acts of reckless destruction fired him up even more; his restraint was well and truly gone

He returned to her limp body with the pencil case from before. Setting his phone to record video, he filmed as he took the sharpie cap from propping her cheeks apart, recapped the marker, swirled it around her mouth for lubrication, and then inserted the entire sharpie into her bottom until it was completely swallowed and disappeared into her butthole. He then did the same with the next one, and then the next one, and the next one, and on and on. He was intent on cramming as much into her so she willl have to painfully shit them out later. He wondered how far up her colon these markers were traveling, as each new one pushed the one before further up. Past 10 markers Suzanne started to moan, either from discomfort or sensation, every time he put something new in there. To his delight, he had crammed every last one into her butt. Then the pens too, and the pencils, and the erasers, the gun stick, and everything else in the pencil case until all that was left was a calculator.

It was at this point that he realized that her cunt was practically drooling with juices. He was still recording and realized how he could use this to his advantage. He took a dry erase marker and, after lubricating it, twisted it past her anal ring and started to pump it into and out of her ass like a piston. Every time he pushed in, he could feel the marker pressing against the mass of all the junk that was already in there, He kept going, Suzanne’s moans became louder, until suddenly her voice squeaked like a mouse, legs quivered, and a small amount of juice squirted from her pussy.

It was perfect, there would be no way she could ever live this down if someone else saw it. He ended recording, uploaded the video online, and then shared the link on the 4chan thread. His work was almost done. Realizing the missed opportunity of losing all of the sharpie markers up her butt, he pulled the dry erase marker back out and wrote on one of her asscheeks “Insert trash here” and on the other “Please Fuck my ass”. He found a roll of duct tape in one of the cabinets and used literally all of it securing her arms and legs to the table so she won’t be able to get up and move once she wakes up, as well as over her mouth so she could not scream for help. He uploaded all of the pictures he took to the same site as the video, and wrote the URLs for all of them and the video on a sheet of paper, draped the video over the small of her back, and then reinserted the maker halfway up her bum. Taking one last picture of the scene, her bottomless, hoodie still intact, unconscious, bent over and tied to a table with a marker sticking out of her butt, he uploaded this final image to 4chan with the message “my work here is done”.

But he still had one more trick up his sleeve. He wanted more than just 4chan weirdos to know about this. He fished her phone out of the pocket from her ruined jeans on the ground and found that she had several new FB messages. He used her fingerprint to unlock the phone, and found that she had received several messages from what he assumed were 4chan users trying to inform her of her violation, including screen caps and images of the event and a link to the video. That made this next step easy. He saved all of the images from the FB chat and then emailed the video file from his phone to her, so he could save it onto that device. Then he uploaded all of the images, and the video, directly onto her FB feed. He sent the images and video directly to everybody on her friends list and then texted the pictures to everybody in her phone contacts.

It was done. Practically everybody she knew will see her being sodomized, will know the most intimate parts of her, will witness her achieving orgasm from her anal abuse. Her life as she knows it is over. She is ruined. Hands trembling, just as the first response messages started to come, he threw her phone to the ground and stomped and pulverized it just like her laptop.

Satisfied, he walked away, for her to wake up confused and in pain, unable to move, for a stranger to find her in the most humiliating, compromised position possible, for all of her family and social connections to crumble to dust and her academic career to implode. He knew he was doomed anyway, so he casually walked to the campus police station and turned himself in, almost gleefully admitting to what he had done. He knew he may never be a free man again, but he saw himself as a martyr. A hero to people like him. It was only afterwards that he realized he forgot to try and impregnate her
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Old 03-04-2019, 05:45 AM   #2
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Hi here is some ideas feedback jotted down quick so don't shoot me!
I like your ideas, the story flowed very well, You need to concentrate more on description and fleshing (literally) out your story, read it again once you have written it, if you want print it and write all over it with comments and changes, then create another version on your computer and make the changes ensuring you keep the original so you know where you came from.
You should flesh out what she says and what she does that infuriates your character, you want the reader on your side so describe her putting him down, ignoring him, flirting and then walking away, that kind of stuff, use your own experiences if you have them to investigate how it made you feel, what it did to you, how angry you where etc, put it in the story.
I think you could take this story further, more humiliation, more stuff on her phone perhaps she is secretly a lesbian with a crush on another girl in class, or the teacher, or she gambles and has loads of debt? Perhaps she writes short sex stories about her crush? Takes secret photos of her to masturbate over, threaten to reveal all this to get her to do what you want after the initial drugging? Sucking you off when you know she hates it? Filming it, her with semen all over her face, taking it up the ass to keep you quiet about her secrets, getting her to sit in lectures with a big butt plug up her ass? That kind of stuff. Hope this helps MG
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Old 03-04-2019, 10:01 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Mad Gerald View Post
I think you could take this story further, more humiliation, more stuff on her phone perhaps she is secretly a lesbian with a crush on another girl in class, or the teacher, or she gambles and has loads of debt? Perhaps she writes short sex stories about her crush? Takes secret photos of her to masturbate over, threaten to reveal all this to get her to do what you want after the initial drugging? Sucking you off when you know she hates it? Filming it, her with semen all over her face, taking it up the ass to keep you quiet about her secrets, getting her to sit in lectures with a big butt plug up her ass? That kind of stuff. Hope this helps MG
Totally agreed and no wonder your story "women in uniform" is still my most favorite one here.
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Old 03-04-2019, 04:43 PM   #4
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Thank you Mistress very kind of you.
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Old 03-07-2019, 11:52 PM   #5
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Thank you very much for the feedback! I want to submit a similar or related story to literotica, but they generally don’t take full-on rape stories, so I may have to add or change certain elements to make it more palatable to them. I’ll definitely be incorporating some of your advice though.
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Old 03-10-2019, 01:40 AM   #6
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Loved it for the most part. Very life like or realistic in the description of how the build up and how it was done. Love the realistic true to life parts like this wont work and you cant do that plus great fear in real life getting caught scenarios. The only part that I personally didn't like (which is just MY opinion) was the shoving of all the pens, sharpies, etc up her ass. It seemed TOO much and over the top. Would have rathered just the ass rape and then maybe a face or pussy rape for the hell of it. Would have loved to have had her wake up and experience it awake as an ultimate conquering of her. Love the phone part sending to all her contacts. Loved the ruined her life by ripping up term paper and deleting everything. Overall, great job.
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