Sex preferences?

[ego]

Recently i had a conversation with a friend of mine and we concluded to that:
During sex, there can be two "modes".
a) The male gives/acts/works, the female receives.
b) Well, the opposite of a.

We also had an argument about if there can be a third "mode", something between that two, in which both beings give and receive the same time. Given that this is difficult and needs the two parts be really familiar and having sex for long time (months i would say), lets forget about that option and say that only the two first can happen.


So, i'd like to ask, which "mode" you prefer during sex with your mate?

Do you believe that one or the other "mode" has more advantages? if yes, for which gender?






P.s Of course, we dont speak about rape role play, in that case its obvious which "mode" you're on.

Wow.. this gets complicated. I can't pick one over the other. I think it switches back and forth way too much to say one is more usual for me than the other. There are so many possibilities and layers here that it's really never quite the same each time.

Being that I am a submissive AND that I enjoy fantasy rape, people might think this means I like to "receive" all the time or that I'm generally passive. This really isn't the case. For me, this just means my focus centers around his pleasure (to the point that I usually forget about my own) and I quite eagerly place his wishes/desires over mine.

If my partner is being Dominant (in a typical BDSM context) or acting upon his own forced-sex-fantasy impulses, then I'll respond to him by taking the corresponding "receiving" role. But very often, I'll take an active part by initiating sex -- or by indulging him with something I know will drive him wild -- while he does nothing else at that time but sit back and enjoy what I'm doing to him. Both of these "modes" are very exciting and satisfying for me.

It really is all about control -- one person leads the encounter while the other defers or yields.

Imagine a fantasy scene where the victim (me) is forcibly overpowered and raped.... during which the rapist slaps me or hurts me each time I fail to squeeze him hard enough or thrust back or suck his cock at his command. Or a scene of blackmail or humiliation where I am forced to perform a certain way for his enjoyment, against my will. Perhaps he'll even force me to (literally) beg him to keep raping me as he laughs or twists my mind around so much that I can no longer stop myself or resist anything he demands. As this continues on, I might be the one who's in an "active" mode, but I'm still under his control and my part falls within the submissive's role.

---------

Forgot to add this, initially:

To ego's question of third mode where I'm giving and receiving at the same time. That doesn't work at all with me. I get too overwhelmed when he's "doing something" to keep on going. I've tried many times, but I just can't handle that.

[ego]

Thanks Sephy!

I think it has nothing to do with control. You can have control and giving or receiving. And you can have no control but still giving or receiving.

For example, the girl says "lick my pussy". She has control, i give, she receives.
Or, i tie her on the bed and i lick her pussy. She has no control, but still, i give, she receives.


Yes, it gets complicated, i spend my night yesterday trying to find some answers!

[Sternenlied]

Well, during sex - at least when properly done - control is mutual. Each one can stop if he/she wants to. Even if one partner is more active (giving head) for example he/she is only in control as long as the other one enjoys and takes it that way.
During a rape fantasy RP or S/M for example control is (seemingly) handed to the dominant partner (attacker) but in the end it remains with the submissive one (victim) who can stop the whole thing in an instant.
In an equal relationship control is shared and can voluntarily be given to the partner (temporarily, for example during sex) but it can always be taken back again. That's mutual respect.

[ego]

I agree, but the question is not about control.
Its about if you prefer giving or receiving. And about if one of the two has more advantages than the other.

[Sternenlied]

Yes, I know what the initial question is about ...

Originally Posted by ego

I agree, but the question is not about control.
Its about if you prefer giving or receiving. And about if one of the two has more advantages than the other.

True. Sorry about that. I just wanted to explain why it didn't make any difference to me when I answered the first question. And no, I don't really see any advantages or anything that relates much to gender.

[ego]

@Stern But i violated personal data again?

@Sephy I got your point. Tbh, I was surprised with myself when i tried to answer that question!

[Sternenlied]

Yes, access to that information is highly restricted.

[ezzdx]

I think when you give you receive and when you receive you give,it's realy complicated.

Originally Posted by ezzdx

...it's realy complicated.

Oh good. At least someone else thinks it's complicated, too... even though ego makes it SOUND so simple and straight-forward!!!

<<Chuckles and runs off to bed>>

[ego]

@ Ezzdx Wow! As weird as it may sound, i want see you fucking! lol!

@ Sephy I admit its complicated. I just have the privilledge to have already spend a night discussing it with someone clever and really "sexperienced"!

[Sternenlied]

Originally Posted by ezzdx

I think when you give you receive and when you receive you give,it's realy complicated.

Originally Posted by Sephy

Oh good. At least someone else thinks it's complicated, too...

Why is it complicated?
Are you sure you know what ego is talking about? Sex ... as in sexual intercourse!
I agree it might not be as straight-forward sometimes as ego puts it but please ... how old are you? Have you ever had sex?
Please tell me you're not really that confused and irritated by the most primal and innate thing in the world!

[ego]

Well, if you try to analyze all the generic components it gets complicated. I think one has to individualize to end to a conclusion.
And what Ezzdx stated seems complicated, i'd like him explain us.


So, my view is this:
When i receive, i get more pleasure. Its not a matter of quantity, its different in quality. Without effort, I get pure carnal pleasure, direct pleasure, enhanced with the feeling that someone is "working" to pleasure me, so i deserve to be pleasured.

I definitelly like that more.

On the other hand, most time(s) i am the one who gives (my friend called me "humble worker" for that!). I explain that because simply, i have a lot to give.
The pleasure i get from giving is great as well, but its more spiritual than carnal. Its the pleasure of knowing that i give pleasure, plus the pleasure of verification i can make the girl happy.


So, i guess i enjoy receiving, but i prefer giving.

*reads what he wrote*


Something like that anyway!

[adarque]

Personally....Giving AND Receiving...but controlling the situation has always been my forte.

All sex is about control. Someone, Male or female, Dom or sub, Top or bottom how ever you want to label them has to be in control. Without control you have two people trying to do their own thing and it ends up each one flopping around on whatever they are on with neither giving/receiving or enjoying the experience. RP, SM or not.

My wife is a sub. She has always been a sub. She always will be a sub. In our over 14 years together she has NEVER. And I say this truthfully, NEVER instigated sex between us (ultimately we have a LOT of sex! ~Grin~). It is always myself. Whether it's a long drawn out romantic evening, a quickie in the dressing room at Macy's, or a total full on BDSM/RP scene, or gang bang of her. It's just not in her makeup to instigate it. She LOVES sex, don't get me wrong there. Hell she does adult videos and films two to four times a week and has never faked an orgasm on tape...lol. But even there. You can tell the difference in the scenes. If she gets a newbie to the industry and she has to coach him, the scene is far less erotic then if she is with an experienced male who takes control of the situation and directs her. By doing so, not only is the male Giving, by causing her body pleasure, but he is receiving as she is serving him and giving his body pleasure as he wants her to... but ultimately it is all under his control.

I'd argue the point on say giving a blow job. Humans are conditioned to subconsciously, after repeated actions to perform those actions, not only in sex. Jobs, sports, etc. A woman who is trained (sorry the Dom in me coming out) to give blow jobs eventually learns exactly what it is her partner liks in them. She then does those actions without thinking. RE Pavlov's dogs. She has been taught to enjoy how it's done, and goes through it with all the enthusiasm and gusto of someone who is new and in that "Rosy glow period" that a couple has when they first meet and interact. But...it's during that time that the initial conditioning truly begins. The man will tell the woman how to suck, to hold etc. i.e. controlling the situation. If, then, the woman has multiple partners, she will always start with what her most controlling partner trained her to do,and if the man doesn't like it, he will take control and re condition her to his way of enjoyment. It's like each grade in school. You learn a little more each time, and they blend together. But...for that particular grade / Individual a person will fall back on what works best or how they were conditioned for that particular instance.

An unusual situation is gang bangs. the woman, take my wife as an example in this case, doesn't have the makeup to control the men. This could viably be very dangerous. But, She has me there to control the situation and the "ringers" that I put into the mix. Men who have played with her before, know what her limits etc are and are the "undercover cops" (No pun intended) during the gang bang. They police the new individuals and make sure, in areas I cannot keep an eye on, that no harm comes to her. Again, control. I've seen gang bangs where the woman tries to control the situation, but in the end, those are never as enjoyable for the guys, her or to even watch. Because there are too many personalities trying to give and receive. Think back to the flopping around point earlier only make it like ten or so people and you end up with one naked hilarious scene!

So by controlling the situation, I am giving and receiving. I am giving her pleasure, yet also receiving pleasure because she is serving me exactly how I prefer.

[ego]

Welcome to RB adarque!

Originally Posted by adarque

Without control you have two people trying to do their own thing and it ends up each one flopping around on whatever they are on with neither giving/receiving or enjoying the experience. RP, SM or not.

Or, you have two people making love.

Which i consider the third option describes better.

[adarque]

Originally Posted by ego

Welcome to RB adarque!




Or, you have two people making love.

Which i consider the third option describes better.

Thanks Ego! I appreciate the Welcome and I'm glad to be here.

Won't touch the making love thing....LOL....could open a can of worms...or worse yet whup ass on me since I (Nor my wife) have ever believed in that phrase....LOL.....will save that for the rowdy room one of these days! LOL

And just call me Andre or Dre (as my hip hop buddies do...lol) it's less cumbersome...LOL

[ezzdx]

I see some members misunderstood me,I didn't mean the sex is complicated,even the animals could do it without any learning, but it's difficult to divide exactly between who give and who receive.

[ego]

Maybe it was my fault saying "give" and "receive".
I mean who is passive and who is active.

[ezzdx]

Originally Posted by ego

Maybe it was my fault saying "give" and "receive".
I mean who is passive and who is active.

If you mean this,I think the man usually is the active,but this isn't with all men and all women.