Quote:
Originally Posted by Night.Bane
When did you realize you had a rape fantasy?
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Gosh, I remember being really young and having a "Dukes Of Hazzard" coloring book and there was this one picture of Daisy Duke all bound and gagged in the backseat of the bad guys' car during a chase scene... it just gave me tingles all over that I didn't understand. The same tingles I got whenever Daphne on "Scooby Doo" got grabbed and tied up. I was too young to really know much about sex OR rape but seeing helpless females, "damsels in distress," was sure doing something for me!
By around 5th or 6th grade I was crossdressing on a regular basis during my many afternoons home alone (no internet back then) fantasizing about what it must be like to be a girl and wear pretty dresses and high heels. Almost from the first moment I put on female clothing I wondered what it would be like to have some guy forcing himself on me... and pretty soon I was not only crossdressing, but learning how to effectively tie myself up. I spent many a fine afternoon in my sister's miniskirts and heels, all bound and gagged and writhing around on the floor imagining I was a teen girl who had just been kidnapped and was waiting helplessly for my kidnapper(s) to return and use me any way they wanted. From that point on, I always imagined MYSELF in the place of whatever helpless female I saw in movies/books etc. I do remember seeing "The Accused" and thinking it would be horrible for any woman to have to go through that but at the same time secretly wondering what it WOULD be like to be held down on a pool table and used by guy after guy...
I guess the moment that really locked it all in for me though was the day I put on a sexy little nightie and tried tying myself to the four posts on my sister's bed. I hadn't really thought it through and by the time I was spreadeagle and helpless I realized I had no idea how I was going to UNTIE myself. My heart started beating really fast as I realized I was TRULY helpless. Then I heard the door open downstairs and realized my parents were home! I thrashed around like crazy, sure I was about to be caught and by chance a pair of scissors fell off my sister's dresser and I was able to free myself. After cutting myself loose and dashing to the privacy of my own room I lay there on my bed thinking about how desperate and frightened I had been and yet, somehow, enjoying it. I wondered how much MORE frightening/exciting it would have been if I had actually been a GIRL, tied up like that with some guy coming up the stairs and no way to free myself!