Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTownHoney
After all, its something that happens to us, and if we want it, whats the problem?
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The problem is that we might enjoy it on one level, but also be just as traumatised as a "normal" rape victim.
Imagine what a mindfuck that would be.
i was raped for real at 16.
The guy ended up serving several months in the criminal part of a mental institution, and then a year in jail. (He got a reduced sentence because he "confessed", or rather,
boasted to the cops about what he'd done.)
Because i was under 18, my parents forced me to press charges.
i made a statement, telling the detective every detail of fact, painstakingly making sure that i recounted every detail exactly as it had happened.
The only thing i didn't tell anyone was...that secret, sick little part of me...even as i had been fighting him off, crying as he choked me, begging him to stop when he let me breathe...
The sick little part of me that
liked it. The part of me that felt emotionally fulfilled in a way that it never had before.
And i've carried that dirty little secret with me for seven years now.
Was i still traumatised?
Yes.
Should he still have gone to prison?
i don't know.
When he got out of prison, he (unbeknownst to either of us) made friends with the same group of people i was hanging out with. He raped my best friend (without realising that i knew her) and drove another of my friends to suicide. He developed a reputation for threatening people at knifepoint, often over completely trivial things like minor disagreements.
So yeah, he was definitely a real criminal.
And what happened to me was definitely real rape.
But i still carry that guilt around with me, and rather than diminishing my "need" to be hurt...it seems to increase it.
i feel guilty for liking abuse. The only way to temporarily ease that guilt is through punishment. The only punishment which successfully eases the guilt is abuse.
...Which makes me feel guilty.
Yay. Vicious cycles are
fun.
But anyway...think twice before getting yourself into any dangerous situations. It does more harm than good in the long run.