Quote:
Originally Posted by cryptic
Chi, i know that feeling very well.
Wanting it, and being afraid of it, and feeling ashamed for wanting it, and trying to figure out whether or not you really do want it, and sitting around mentally beating yourself up and wondering if there's something wrong with you; trying to rationalise your desires...
Ack.
i'm learning to be less neurotic and not stress over it so much.
i think it's natural.
Some people get a thrill out of danger. Some people want to be abused, for real. (Damn, now i have that Eurythmics song stuck in my head...  )
A lot of people might not agree that my desires are natural... But fuck 'em. i understand how my own mind and body work, and they don't.
To me, these desires feel as natural and healthy as can be.
As for how to fulfill them?
That's another story.
i have no idea if there's any safe way of doing that.
i guess that's why i'm at this board...hoping to develop more of a taste for the pretend stuff.
(PS; just thinking out loud...isn't it strange how we're allowed to talk about kind of wanting to be raped for real, but if a guy posted a thread saying "i kind of want to rape a girl for real" he would be verbally slaughtered?
i can see why that rule is in place, of course.
There are always a few morons who don't know the difference between "want to" and "plan to" who will spoil freedom of speech for the rest of us). |
YES!! I'm so gald I'm not the only one! I made a post hinting at this and everyone called me crazy. They said you 'you dont want it you only want roleplay...'
I've never roleplayed before, and i doesnt interest me. If I roleplayed with someone I trust I know that under that cloak of bad ass and danger was really a sweet and lovable guy, and that would ruin any fear I would have. I am a little turned on by
real bad and dangerous guys too.
Its not like something would happen like it at my work, and then I go home and tell my man, 'lets play' and toss the scenario at him and he would grab me and rape me in play....I would be thinking about the real life instead of the pretend we were doing.
It just so happens that something of that nature almost happened to me when I was about 19 or 20, I was at a "freinds" house, who was basically a loser and a player, and also a big time cocaine user. Well...he was doped up and wanted to have some fun...I said no and he didnt want to accept that and pushed himself against me against the wall and fondled me, and pretty much left me fighting him and crying hysterically. He finally stopped and I left in a huff.... I was
SOOO turned on when I got out of there and couldnt stop thinking about it on my way home, and I get goosebumps even now when I think about it.
I dont know what was possibly going through my head when it was happening...did I fight him because I wanted him to get rough? Did I really want him to stop? Did I really not want it? Did I want it? Was I disappointed when he stopped? relieved? It felt so good and scary at the same time to be overpowered.
I also liked to be roughed up alot. I dont mean like being shanked or getting my head slammed in the car door..but I like being hit or slapped...that must seem weird too? When I was little, we were playing hunter or something like that and the little boys had to chase the little girls and capture them, and this boy caught me, took me to his hideout and held me there, he held my neck and squeezed almost to the point of choking me. I told my mom and she came to school and told on him. I didnt tell her I liked it though. I wonder what happened to that little boy? Probably crazy and roughs up his woman in the sack.
put me in any real life situation with a guy and the possibility of
real danger arises and thats my aphrodisiac. Oh theres so much going through my head right now.
I agree that its fine for us to talk about it but guys cant say it, well thats because
they're the danger
, and if they dont make it happen it doesnt. After all, its something that happens to us, and if we want it, whats the problem?