The more vanilla my relationships get, the more do I follow the path you have just described. It's eerily similar - the more romantic and caring I feel for a guy, the more I want it to be broken up by a rough and brutal rape. And yes, I do act in a way to make it happen - but it seems the world is much safer than we are told it is.
I go out not wearing underwear but a skirt, I chat up guys late at night at a gas station or walk home when I probably shouldn't. It's an odd desire for thrill at times...
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