[FuckingRotter]

Earlier on this week I was asked to go and look at Hadrians Wall. Naturally I assumed that National Heritage required some restoration work to be carried out so imagine my surprise when I was asked to survey for the following:

1. 12' high, 24" thick reinforced concrete wall stretching from the West Coast of Northern Cumbria all the way to Newcastle on the East Coast.

2. Observation platforms 20' high to be placed every 100 yards along the wall. These must be able to accomodate 4 armed guards and a machine gun nest.

3. An additional quadruple strand of razor wire on angled steel stanchions to lean in a northerly direction.

4. Two 12' deep trenches distanced 100 yards either side of the wall to be filled with water. Please allow for feeding points for crocodiles.

5. The placing of mines between each trench and the reinforced concrete wall.

6. A door. 8" thick solid steel, must be designed to swing northward as pedestrians pass through, swing back again and then slam shut. FOREVER.

7. Please place the following Health and Safety warning on the south facing side: "Tony, Gordon, Alistair, Neil, Ken, please don't hit your arse on your way out you cunts."

8. All works to be completed by the end of May 2010.

Anybody need a job?