[Sierra]

For the first third of this thirty minute drive, she does not speak a word to me, squeezing the belt strap in sadness. I had been making good time until now, when we get stuck at a red light notorious for being slow to change green. Tess’ head remains motionless against the window, but suddenly she is asking questions through an escaped tear – why I did it to her, and why her and not someone else. I assume she means when I sodomized her, where the aggression of the night took off. I explain that it is obvious why she was chosen for my adultery. Another woman, even with the privacy of a prostitute, and the secret is likely to come out eventually, one way or the other. Tess has no reason to tell anyone about this, it’s perfect. She cannot afford to wait until after the operation to accuse me of rape, with my testimony about the contract and without any physical evidence of force. Even her future fiancé would be suspicious as to why she delayed pressing charges, the reality of the consensual one night stand enough to drive a wedge between them.

Telling her mother and father the truth tonight, whichever version of events, is simply not an option if she wants both of them to witness her wedding. She has already proven this evening that she can lie with the best of them, and that’s what will be required when she and Tommy follow up on that emotional phone call. My wife, on the other hand, will not be as easy. She kept her affair from me for weeks, and although I wasn’t with young Tess as long, she will smell her on me. Dining with a client’s pretty daughter and only getting a pair of shoes for my trouble isn’t a believable story either – but it doesn’t matter. Without Tess’ confirmation, Lisa will never discuss her speculation with anybody either. Those two will be the only people in the world that do not see me as the victim, the reliable husband and father.

Eager to get home, and bring Harry’s daughter back to him at a reasonable hour, I often overtake the slower cars and ignore the amber sequence at traffic on a couple of occasions. I make an exception for an ambulance, the emergency siren blaring past us. I have been getting both looks of jealousy and peculiarity since purchasing my expensive car, but when I have the money, I spend it. I’m hardly drinking and driving; most of that French wine went on my date’s breasts and the hotel room floor. Another delay almost comes in the form of drunken students, four girls stumbling out onto the road and forcing me to narrowly avoid them.

I smile at Tess when she gasps. That should be her, in a way. I feel like I have taken her from rags to riches and back to rags. If she says the word, I will gladly swap this contract for the patronage of college fees, but I know she’s going to choose her family. Raindrops trickle onto the windscreen as we get a good run on the motorway. I advise her to return to school and complete her education. Her father dropped out in his first year and even at that stage he was over ten years my senior.

“Don’t talk about him like that…”, she says.

“He’s a loser, Tess. That’s why I’m where I am today, and why you find yourselves in this mess. Anyway, tell him to see me at 9 on Monday morning for a consult.”

She sulks at my comments for the remainder of the journey, watching through the side window as we enter her neighborhood. Her knees are close together, with the handbag on top of them, leaving all the leg room for the high heels. I turn the corner of her street but ultimately park by the curb several houses short of her driveway. She begins to point in that direction but I know full well where we are – out of her parents’ sight where we won’t attract their attention. I leave the husky engine running and switch off the lights temporarily. She has one hand on the door handle now, awaiting my instructions with the corner of her eye. Her toes twitch on the mat. I see a minor hematoma on the skin of her neck, and the doctor in me feels an urge to suggest holding a frozen spoon to the site of infliction – but I say nothing. My hand finds its way to a strand of hair by her ear, playing with it and caressing her cheek with my thumb. Her eyes close at my familiar touch and the words that follow.

“So you laid on your back for a man’s money. You’re not the first to do it, and you certainly won’t be the last. And who knows what the future holds, maybe Tommy will have debts to pay off one day”, I add with a distasteful grin.

Tess slaps me, with enough potency to catch me off guard. I keep my head turned and hold my palm by the side of my face. Perhaps I should have taken a whore; she would have been less expensive, troublesome and more active between the sheets.

“I hate you…”, she snarls with clear sincerity, looking into my eyes for the first time since we have been on the road.

She protects herself when I suddenly lean across her but it is only to undo her seat belt and yank my own jacket away from her shoulders. I tell her to get out, pushing against her arm until she manages to lift the car door open. They pull out vertically by 60°, and when she steps under it and onto the pavement, I toss the contract outside before it closes electronically. The twenty year old collects it by a road grate, briefly staring back at her transport – and the man that blackmailed her. She turns on her bare feet in the dark and the light rain that falls. Feeling thirsty, I reach for my bottle of water in the glove department, but there is only a minuscule amount left. The pumps are taken from the floor and placed on their sides on the passenger seat, good as new. I take the photos out of my wallet once again and smile at Joey standing next to me. I bet the little rogue has yet to go to bed. Lisa causes a different reaction, imagining her waiting by my cold dinner. I think I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.


This man…this evil man…has the nerve to call my father a dropout? A loser? My father is twice the man Christian will ever be!! I want to tell him off but I know that I need him to save my father’s life so I bite my tongue, seething with anger. He tells me he will see my father on Monday.

I stare out the side window for the rest of the ride home, my knees pressed together and clutching my purse. I stare down at my hands, picturing a ring on the third finger of my left hand. Would Tom still go through with it if he knew what I was doing when we were talking on the phone?

He stops short of our house by a half block. I start to point out our house, but he turns off the headlights and looks at me. My eyes lowered, I wait for him to say something…do something – afraid of what might be coming. He reaches out his hand to my face, and I recoil from his touch. I refuse to look at him. What he says next freezes my soul.

“So you laid on your back for a man’s money. You’re not the first to do it, and you certainly won’t be the last. And who knows what the future holds, maybe Tommy will have debts to pay off one day.”

Without thinking I slap him across the face, all the strength of my anger and frustration unleashed on his cheek. His hand goes to his face. I hiss out my hatred of him, finally looking at him in the amber glow of the streetlight. I see that he has lipstick on his collar. Good. Maybe now Lisa will finally leave him.

He leans across the seat, and I cringe away from him, thinking he intends to reciprocate. Instead, he unfastens my seat belt and pulls his jacket away from me.

“Get the fuck out.”

I struggle with the car door, but finally get it open and scramble out of the car. He throws the contract out after me and it lands in the gutter. I look back at him briefly, turn on my heel and step away from the car, walking toward home. I get the evening sandals out of my purse and put them on, holding on to someone’s mailbox to steady myself. I put my foot on the ground, but have to take one of the sandals off again. A pebble falls out onto the ground.

I hear the roar of the engine as Christian drives past me, and I walk up the block to my family’s home. My legs feel like they have weights attached to them. While I move along the street, I brush some mud and dirty water off the contract, and fold it into my purse. I long to be clean and for a hot shower. I fumble in my bag for my housekey.

I pause at the bottom of the path, trying to compose myself. I see the light coming from the window and know my folks are waiting for me to come home. I feel as though it has been a year since I last saw this comforting place. I am numb, and can’t accept what has happened to me tonight. I feel that I have aged twenty years in just a few hours.

I trudge up the front walk. I am desperately tired and every inch of my body aches.