View Single Post
Old 01-16-2007, 01:28 PM   #38
Jasmine
Privileged Member
 
Jasmine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,352
Reputation: 20045
Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)Jasmine has a maximum reputation! (1000+)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babu
Maybe a good mix of therapy and meds makes it easier for me to talk about stuff thats happened, or maybe I'm repressing it.. either way, didn't want you two to be the only posters, and since it doesn't really hurt me to write about it, I figured I'd add a story or two..

I really have been quite privileged in my life, and really not too many bad things have happened to me. The only one from my childhood was when I was 5. My uncle had just overdosed on drugs, and his wife was in rehab, so my parents took in their 3 kids. The oldest one, about 14 at the time I think and his younger step brother, about 10, had me in the attic one day. I don't remember all of it, just flashes. Me laying on the floor of the attic naked. They were naked too and the oldest one went to "kiss" me down there. I'm not sure what else happened, but I know oral sex for sure. Being the good little church girl I went down to my dad after it was over and told him. They were spanked and I guess I saw a therapist.. Since then I had hated the idea of anyone going down on me and only let someone do it for the first time a few months ago, even though I was always fine with bjs..

Anyway to be honest that wasn't the most traumatic part.. I think the real damage came when I was 12 and I had the initial flashback of the event.. I was listening to Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" and the line, lying naked on the floor, BAM flashback.. quite crazy really. But I spent the following year being obsessed with child sexual abuse, rape, kidnap, the works. I started talking to older men online.. reading survivor stories.. it became my life. Anyway, I think that sent me off into a depression.. and I know thats where my obsession with rape began. Every nite before I went to bed I'd predream about being raped or kidnapped.. crazy for a 12 yr old huh? anyway, thats old history..

also last november I was more accurately raped, even though that is kinda suspect.. I was waaaay drunk and basically was going in and out of consciousness while he took me to his tent and had sex with me.. so I mean there wasn't much force, so thats always messed with me.. Im sure i said no, but I definitely didnt put up a fight.. And you know that always kinda fucks with me.. I wish he had been violent, or I had faught because then I'd know for sure it was rape.. now I still feel like it was a bad sex experience. He came in me, no condom, he was from Tijuana, I was terrified of catching STDs or even aids.. I took lots of tests and pills and luckily im perfectly fine.

phew.. i think I wrote a lot there... sorry for the long post.. and I know, seems like something that should be written on a survivor's website (which it has :P) Oh well.. just thought Id share..

Oh and boys, if you were thinking about it, don't go all easy on me in the RPs after reading this.. im a big girl, and I still have a dirty mind
I wish I could hug you for what happened to you. I also understand the sentiment of not wanting it to change they way people interact with you. I have the same fears!
Jasmine is offline   Reply With Quote