Hey everyone, This is like... my third post on these forums, or any forum like this, so please bear with my stumbling silliness. I don't know if this is the appropriate thread to bring this up in. I just felt that this is an honest place to tell the truth to one another in a safe environment.
First off, I know I'd like to say that it is a very brave thing to see people who have gone through real suffering in their lives come forward and be open and honest about it with the vastness of the interwebs. I'm not happy that these events occured to you, but I am happy that you all have had the strength, courage, and power to move past those events and become stronger people, in spite of, or because of, those events.
As for myself, I have no history of physical or verbal abuse, certianly nothing that would even begin to approach the same level of the tamest true story here. My sexual experience really didn't go beyond the "Play Doctor" phase, and frankly, that's just exploration more then anything... I look back at those times and think that I was a silly child, and i was a silly child, and I kind of laugh a little about it.
My difficulty has always been correlating my fanatsies with raping a woman with my upbringing as a Christian. I don't want to turn this into a debate about anything, all I know is that I believe in Jesus and I fantasize abour raping women. It's created a very difficult situation for me simply because the two always seemed to be at odds with one another.
Now, as I've grown, and read the Bible for myself as opposed to allowing someone else to tell me what it says, I've come to realize that fantasies are fantasies and God doesn't care about fantasies. It was a large burden off my shoulders to read certian passages that Solomon wrote, as well as things about how thoughts and idle chatter don't show the measure of a person, but action does. Well my fantasies are not actions, so I've begun to explore this side of myself, which is what lead me to this forum.
It's very funny to me. In alot of ways I expected this place to be a den of debauchery and sinister intent, and in alot of ways it is. But then I find a thread like this one, and I realize that in a lot of ways it isn't. I was always taught that these kinds of fantasies were wrong because they connected to the reality, but a thread like this shows otherwise, in a stark and real way.
Here we have a group of people who have gone through some of the most trying difficulties that a person can face, and most before they are even mentally capable of defending themselves, and yet here they are, engaging in roleplay and fantasy about something that we all, universally, would not wish on our worst enemy. It's a strange sort of paradox to think, but in alot of ways I'm seeing that these fantasies are not dangerous, as I have been led to believe, but may even be healthy. A strange thing to say I suppose.
It's a silly niggling at the back of my brain though... What would God say to this? Everything I've read has shown me that He wouldn't care, he's just interested in my well being and happiness, and if I'm happy and not harming anyone else, then why do I have this silly niggling at the back of my brain? Training I suppose...
Before anyone responds to this with some kind of religious quip or arguement I'll just say again, please save your breath on it. I'm a Christian, I believe in Jesus, I believe in God, an internet forum isn't going to suddenly change that. I don't have any intent to convert anyone because there's enough information out there for you to do it yourselves at this point frankly. I'll engage in that conversation if you want, but you're not going to make a point I haven't heard before. (You can take that as a challenge if you want.)
I just happen to be a Christian who wants to come home from church and have a good time with a girl who just happens to be tied up... is that so wrong?
|