There are alot of very interesting, well written thoughts in this thread. Mine probably wont measure up but here goes:
I think about suicide quite often. Not the kind of suicide where I jump off a bridge or use a gun. I think of a much slower, more natural kind....... just giving up on life.
You see, two years ago a suffered a major heart attack, one in which I only had a 5% chance of surviving (according to the doctors anyway). But I did survive, and ever since my life has become a major struggle to try and stay alive. It's a struggle I am slowly losing.
Since the heart attack I have had three other major hospital stays for various things. It seems that no sooner do I recover from one illness another rears it's ugly head. The latest being a series of pulminary embalisiums (blood clots in the lungs) that caused me to go into conjestive heart failure due to my lungs filling up with fluids. I was literially drownng. That also lead to kidney and liver failure.
Now my heart is finally failing altogether and I'll die soon without a transplant. Most days I want to fight, to keep going, but there are some days when I just want to throw in the towel, stop taking my meds and let nature take it's course.
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