[ctomie]

I think Stern is just pointing out the very meaning of rape roleplaying. The victim will surrender control to the rapist, but in a way that she is comfortable with. By the same token, the victim must ensure that she fights back to a degree that doesn't go beyond what the rapist wants. That is the "first rule" (i.e. that there are boundaries), then, based on that, the couple creates a set of rules in the roleplay.

"First rules" are like axioms - a list of starting points. Without them, no subsequent rules can possibly be derived.