I did not party too hard over the holidays

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I don't want to rape PF till she screams for mercy!

I am not looking forward to buggering off south for all of February and March, and leaving the cold, the ice and the snow behind.

Yeah? Well I am thrilled to be stayin' here in the north.

This planet on which we all live is not a galactic insane asylum.

I do NOT have a sextoy inside me at work.......

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I do not fuck my boss.

When I awoke this morning, I did not open my eyes to see my wife having just a jolly good time playing with my morning wood. Women over 65 are no longer interested in sex.

I've never slept with an ugly woman to keep from going to jail.

I am not sitting out on the deck drinking a beer and listening to the sound of the ocean waves lapping up on the beach. I need to go back to the cold and snow asap.

I just paid a dollar a gallon for gas. :)

I am asleep right this minute and this is all a dream

I am slipping into your room with zip-ties and a ball gag.

When I didn't go to Hooters for dinner the other night, the Hooters girl did not look like PF.

I recently got a job as a Hooters waitress close to where Wiz lives. Just for the t-shirt you understand.....and a proper introduction to Mr Chunky :)

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I live a life of complete calm and blissful harmony.


which explains why i just found out i have a bleeding ulcer.

I figure Mr. Wiggles must have a female ulcer because it bleeds ;)

I have never used to tits or other body-parts to get into a club :)

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I would never use any of PF's body parts, especially her arse ;)

Dude you are such a liar... oh wait, thats the whole point. :D