start of a story - opinions?
 

I just started writing something.. wanted to post it here and get initial feedback.
There isn't any action yet... just set up. give me your thoughts
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They all got the text message at the same time.. "Open me" was all it said.
When they did, and hey all did, of course, they saw their daughter and little sister, in her school uniform, tied to a wooden chair.
When I saw the messages were received and opened, I sent the next one. "Don't call the police, don't tell anyone. go home and wait for my next message". They all did as instructed, again of course. Most people behave so predictable once you threaten them.

I had of course staked out he family for a long time, making sure they were the right ones.. upper middle class, nice job, pretty kids, not much social contacts since they were new to the neighborhood. I followed the girl to her school and learned her routine. I quickly found out they would make the almost ideal family for my plans.

Grace was 18 and gorgeous. she stood about 5'1" and 90 pounds.. long dark curly hair, green eyes.. hips just starting to widen, tits just starting to fill out her school blouse a little, she was perfectly proportioned, and even just seeing her, spying on her turned me on..
Tanner, her brother, was 16 and goodlooking in an off-hand kind of way. He was getting tall, 5'10 or so and broadening in the shoulders, but clearly not at full maturity yet. he dressed like all the other boys in his class when they were not in school, jeans too low, short-sleeved shirt and a baseball cap.

Jean, their mom was mid to late 30's, a yoga pants wearing mom who was very well preserved. Just by looking at her you'd have no idea shes got 2 children. Where Grace was just filling out her blouse, Jean was bursting at the seams. Combined with her thin figure her large tits were a head-turner for sure. She had the same dark brown hair as her daughter, with a slight reddish tint to it. Her ass was clearly kept in

shape doing yoga and Zumba, and it did wonders for her legs too.

Grant, her husband was the type that somehow got lucky and married way above his level. He was not exactly ugly, but he was insecure, and never seemed in control. That job was clearly left to Jean. He must've done
well in his actual job, given the neighborhood they lived in. Not exactly wealthy, but no hardship either.

I had picked the long holiday weekend for my plans. if their neighbors knew them well enough to notice their absence for a few days, that could easily be explained by a family visit, after all, that's what we do July 4th.
On Thursday I had parked the car a block away from Grace's school, on the route she usually walked home by.

At 2:30, when I knew she was about the come by, I went to the back of the minivan (who notices a minivan these days), and, with my arm in a sling I started lifting a big box into the back. Yes, and old trick, but when you are 13 you haven't developed much of a cynical worldview yet. Being the polite and nice girl I had found her to be, she offered to help load the box. She lifted the box into the van and the moment she was completely inside I shoved the box forward, tumbling her deeper inside. I quickly stepped in with her and pressed the chemical soaked rag that was already waiting there against her mouth and nose. Twenty seconds was all it took for her to stop struggling. I calmly stepped out of the back again, walked to the driver's
side and drove off. Not a single person even looked at me as I drove away with my victim..

It did not take me long to get to the edge of suburbia, where I knew there was a park&ride parking lot, at this time of the day it would be deserted for another 2 hours at least. I parked the van and went into the back again. the seats handily folded down into the Stow&Go left plenty of space, and, more importantly, built in hooks in the floor to secure things to.. like an unconscious young teenager. I quickly secured her hands and feet to some of the loops on the floor and put a gag in her mouth.. she probably wouldn't wake up until we got to my place, but why takes risks?

My house is purposely placed and built where it is to minimize interruptions of my hobby.. it's set on about 10 acres outside of the city, but still close enough to pick up things. it has several rooms on the
first and second floor, but the centerpiece, at least in my mind, is the basement. It is covered in wood paneling, fully dry, heated, wired, TV's and camera's everywhere. it also has bolts spaced evenly across with wooden ceiling beams and along the walls. It has several long tables along the walls with tools and implements. It also has several computer systems for displaying and recording anything I want.

I can't speak for everyone else but the idea of a 13 year old as the subject of the story disturbs me!

I am pretty sure you are going to have to up the daughter's age to at least 18 or have your post deleted!

Changed

Might wanna proofread some more for the age: Yes, and old trick, but when you are 13 you haven't developed much of a cynical worldview yet