Old insults you heard from parents and elders
 

Do y'all remember when you were kids and heard your elders uttering funny phrases and insults? For example, my Mom used to describe a female neighbor who was red headed and had rosy cheeks as having "a face like a well slapped ass."

My Pop described people he disliked as "the best part of him ran down his fathers leg."
I didn't figure that one out until I was about 11.

My older sister was babysitting me one time our parents were away for a weekend. Sis was 17 and I was 11. With the free house, she brought some friends over and obviously I wasn't cool enough to party with them. Sis came over to me, handed me a couple cans of beer, 3 cigarettes and a woman's detective magazine (the ones with kidnap and sex stories) whispered in my ear:

"Take these and fuck off into your wanking pit, and don't come back out before morning or I'll embarrass the fuck out of you."

I don't think anyone else heard what she said, but did my face burn as I scurried to my room with my bribe.

Various insults that moms used to describe girls they regarded as sluts. Such as:

The local bike.
A jumpoline.

They call her radio station because she is so easy to pick up.

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

He's so horny that he would get up on the crack of dawn.

I've seen cuts and bruises better dressed than him.

He's got a Dick as big as a baby's arm.

He's hung like a horse

She's snottier than a slug.

She's a two faced bitch, both of them ugly.

When that ugly cow was born, the doctor should have slapped her mother instead.

You should try crapping out of your ass instead of your mouth.

I wonder if she blows dick as good as she blows money.

Is that a bottle in your pants or are you just glad to see me?