gaggirl
05-08-2007, 08:48 AM
Bad things happen when you put a bunch of recovering sex addicts in a room together to work through their shit.
I was once an attendee of a sexaholics group. There are were about fifteen of us there, mainly males, but there were maybe four females myself included. Roleplaying was one of the tasks we are made to do, but of course it not the kind of roleplaying I had been used to! See I also have a thing for rape fantasy as well. Not just sex.
And its not just about sex. Its a monster. It's everywhere I look, in every word and every gesture. I cant say no. I cant say yes. But I say yes when I want to say no. If that makes any sense. Our group held its meetings in a huge modern rendered building with a nice big staircase at the front and gorgeous garden lighting. It was a sexy building. An addict such as I is qualified to say that and mean it.
The group had of late been set the task of roleplaying out various generic experiences that we may engage in outside of the group. Every day regular life. The concentration was on interpersonal communication, only every time a dirty thought came into our heads, we had to wipe our minds clean. The problem with me is I cant wipe my mind clean with anything good.
I just replace it with violence.
Let me share this example with you, and it will illustrate how hopeless a case I am, and what kinds of bad things happen when things get out of control.
On this night there was a big storm coming. Ominous black clouds hang over the building. I parked my car and made my way up the glorious stairs and entered the room. Monkey Bars come to mind. All of us had become close, on some jagged level, so there was much mucking up in the room when I let myself in.
“Wheres the group leader?†I asked Cirro.
“I don't know.,†she said with her huge dark eyes. I watched the pupils enlarge as she continued, “The traffic is really bad out there, theres been alot of strikes.†She was also the mother hen of the group and we all looked to her for guidance. She decided to start things until the leader came.
I was chosen to do the “shopping†roleplay. We all split off into our groups. Not happy. I was hoping for something a little more exotic today than shopping for Sapphires. I'm not even a Sapphire kind of girl, but , as I'm told all the time, we must learn to adjust to uncomfortable situations. Oh yes I should have mentioned I'm also a control freak. I like to change uncomfortable situations. Anyway.
So I was paired off with one guy (ripped off!) and I began my roleplay behaving appropriately. But it was oh so boring! I began to make up my own agenda as I went along. There was a sword handy, so I grabbed it off the wall and decided it was time to play the part of the dangerous mafia vixen.
Sexy Guy played along, and shortly Cap Boy overheard our conversation and turned his back on his own roleplay to join ours.
“What are you looking for exactly miss?†he says to me, and then to his commerade Sexy Guy “ I trust you are taking care of this client shes very important to our company!â€
“Shes a bit hard to please.†he said in reply. I played with the sword, sliding my finger tip along the blade admiring its sharp edge. In a breathy voice I answer the men.
“I'm looking for precious jewels. And it had better be real. Or I'll be back.†and to emphasize my point I take the tip of the sword and push it into Sexy Guys throat. I gave him my hardest glare matched only by the flintiest leery smile, and slowly let it trace down his skin over the pulsing flesh, before placing it back on the wall. The tension of the other two guys was palpable. And I was feeling rather weak in the knees myself. They surprised me by keeping up with the ruse.
“We don't take kindly to threats here, madam, I think you'll find everything we have for sale is genuine and of the best quality. I for one don't appreciate the insinuation that we sell anything less.â€
Oh I'm very impressed. I play along, dropping my flirty smile and take on a hoity toity persona.
“Well we shall see wont we? I say evenly. “it wont be very good for you if you are lying. And i wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you. Ill take my business elsewhere†I lean in really close to the men so I am almost whispering in their ears. “you don't know who you are dealing with!â€
I stand back and watch their faces. Hilarious! What is that in their eyes... they blaze with something I don't know wh-
Unbeknownst to us the storm was raging right over head and lightning strikes had been witnessed in the immediate area. The lighting strikes the power pole down the road, taking with it illumination to all buildings in the street. Most proper places have back up generators, but not this newish building! I guess they hadn't got around to that just yet.
We are all whooping and hollering, myself included, even as Cirro is trying to reign us all in. Theres a brilliant light show going on outside the windows, and its fun, and spontaneous. What would you do stuck in a dark room with your best friends??
We all started pushing and shoving eachother and screaming in fun. I went hunting for my usual girly commerade but suddenly I was tackled to the floor and tickled by not one but two pairs of hands. I had two manly bodies pinning me down, one still innocently tickling me, the other one started rubbing his body on mine in the darkness, unseen and unsuspected by everyone. Breaking the Rules. His hands found mine and pinned them to the floor with super human strength. Then I felt his hot breath in my right ear, and spoke with a growl, and so quiet as to be inaudible to everyone except me.
“Some where. Some day real soon. I'm really going to rape youâ€
I was once an attendee of a sexaholics group. There are were about fifteen of us there, mainly males, but there were maybe four females myself included. Roleplaying was one of the tasks we are made to do, but of course it not the kind of roleplaying I had been used to! See I also have a thing for rape fantasy as well. Not just sex.
And its not just about sex. Its a monster. It's everywhere I look, in every word and every gesture. I cant say no. I cant say yes. But I say yes when I want to say no. If that makes any sense. Our group held its meetings in a huge modern rendered building with a nice big staircase at the front and gorgeous garden lighting. It was a sexy building. An addict such as I is qualified to say that and mean it.
The group had of late been set the task of roleplaying out various generic experiences that we may engage in outside of the group. Every day regular life. The concentration was on interpersonal communication, only every time a dirty thought came into our heads, we had to wipe our minds clean. The problem with me is I cant wipe my mind clean with anything good.
I just replace it with violence.
Let me share this example with you, and it will illustrate how hopeless a case I am, and what kinds of bad things happen when things get out of control.
On this night there was a big storm coming. Ominous black clouds hang over the building. I parked my car and made my way up the glorious stairs and entered the room. Monkey Bars come to mind. All of us had become close, on some jagged level, so there was much mucking up in the room when I let myself in.
“Wheres the group leader?†I asked Cirro.
“I don't know.,†she said with her huge dark eyes. I watched the pupils enlarge as she continued, “The traffic is really bad out there, theres been alot of strikes.†She was also the mother hen of the group and we all looked to her for guidance. She decided to start things until the leader came.
I was chosen to do the “shopping†roleplay. We all split off into our groups. Not happy. I was hoping for something a little more exotic today than shopping for Sapphires. I'm not even a Sapphire kind of girl, but , as I'm told all the time, we must learn to adjust to uncomfortable situations. Oh yes I should have mentioned I'm also a control freak. I like to change uncomfortable situations. Anyway.
So I was paired off with one guy (ripped off!) and I began my roleplay behaving appropriately. But it was oh so boring! I began to make up my own agenda as I went along. There was a sword handy, so I grabbed it off the wall and decided it was time to play the part of the dangerous mafia vixen.
Sexy Guy played along, and shortly Cap Boy overheard our conversation and turned his back on his own roleplay to join ours.
“What are you looking for exactly miss?†he says to me, and then to his commerade Sexy Guy “ I trust you are taking care of this client shes very important to our company!â€
“Shes a bit hard to please.†he said in reply. I played with the sword, sliding my finger tip along the blade admiring its sharp edge. In a breathy voice I answer the men.
“I'm looking for precious jewels. And it had better be real. Or I'll be back.†and to emphasize my point I take the tip of the sword and push it into Sexy Guys throat. I gave him my hardest glare matched only by the flintiest leery smile, and slowly let it trace down his skin over the pulsing flesh, before placing it back on the wall. The tension of the other two guys was palpable. And I was feeling rather weak in the knees myself. They surprised me by keeping up with the ruse.
“We don't take kindly to threats here, madam, I think you'll find everything we have for sale is genuine and of the best quality. I for one don't appreciate the insinuation that we sell anything less.â€
Oh I'm very impressed. I play along, dropping my flirty smile and take on a hoity toity persona.
“Well we shall see wont we? I say evenly. “it wont be very good for you if you are lying. And i wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you. Ill take my business elsewhere†I lean in really close to the men so I am almost whispering in their ears. “you don't know who you are dealing with!â€
I stand back and watch their faces. Hilarious! What is that in their eyes... they blaze with something I don't know wh-
Unbeknownst to us the storm was raging right over head and lightning strikes had been witnessed in the immediate area. The lighting strikes the power pole down the road, taking with it illumination to all buildings in the street. Most proper places have back up generators, but not this newish building! I guess they hadn't got around to that just yet.
We are all whooping and hollering, myself included, even as Cirro is trying to reign us all in. Theres a brilliant light show going on outside the windows, and its fun, and spontaneous. What would you do stuck in a dark room with your best friends??
We all started pushing and shoving eachother and screaming in fun. I went hunting for my usual girly commerade but suddenly I was tackled to the floor and tickled by not one but two pairs of hands. I had two manly bodies pinning me down, one still innocently tickling me, the other one started rubbing his body on mine in the darkness, unseen and unsuspected by everyone. Breaking the Rules. His hands found mine and pinned them to the floor with super human strength. Then I felt his hot breath in my right ear, and spoke with a growl, and so quiet as to be inaudible to everyone except me.
“Some where. Some day real soon. I'm really going to rape youâ€